The way I loved you Sunki/Sunsun

Wild and crazy

"okay so what brings you here today Sunoo?"
after talking to Jungwon Sunoo decided to take his advice and scheduled an appointment with a psychologist. he was fairly surprised that the guy - Jake - was not much older than himself. apparently his second year of practice. and also just days ago he saw being all cute and giggly with his neighbour Heesung but today he was nothing but professional. "ugh i don't know where to start really...my relationships messed up and i think it may be a me problem". "okay" Jake nodded "can you tell me more about those relationships?" he questioned. "yes, so first it was my ex Niki. it's an old story, we were together when we were teenagers, then things started getting worse and it then ended when we broke up on our vacation in Jeju just before i went to uni. then like just after breaking up. like hours after, i met Sunghoon. he took care of me when i was crying after the breakup and he helped me go back home. and we stayed in touch and maybe a month after we were already a couple." he paused for a moment looking at Jake who was just silently listening. "but then when we moved in together it was Niki's parents apartament that we picked and Niki was giving us keys and everything. but i felt weird seeing him... it was. umm... " Jake noted something and he was back to looking at Sunoo taking his chance to speak up. "was it the first time you saw Niki after breaking up?" Sunoo nodded to confirm. "mhm and what happened after?"
"so Sunoo looks like you had wild and crazy love life so far. oh. how are your family relationships?" it was almost two hours of Sunoo talking and picking apart his love life with Jake only interrupting occasionally and the visit time was coming to an end. "I'd say very good. both parents support me" that was true he felt good about relationships with his parents. "are they married? living together, no active conflict?" Sunoo confirmed "yes married, living together, no conflict at all." "okay that's good" Jake scribbled some more on his notepad. "then i would advise you to think about how your relationships affect you. what you bring in, what you get, things like that. and how you can take care of yourself in places where you thought you need others to take care of you. what you think you need someone to do to make you feel a certain way and how you can make yourself feel that way. you can schedule another appointment if you want but try to think about that on your own first okay?"

this went on for a couple of weeks now. Sunoo saw Jake every other thursday, he would spill his heart and everything he thought about, and then Jake would tell him what he should focus on. this time Jake asked him to think about his current feelings for Niki. when and why he started feeling this way and what he would like to do about it. and Sunoo's conclusion was confusing him.
"he's like my safe space. when we are together i feel secure: i feel heard, i feel seen, i feel like nothing bad can happen to me. i don't know when it started but it was definitelly there when we met after the breakup. when i was moving in with Sunghoon. and as i was thinking about it it's almost like i was addicted to this security back then. i mean i didn't feel secure at all without him. but now... i don't think i need that. he takes care of me but i don't care about chasing that. but i still want to be with him." "mh. so what pulls you to him? do you want attention? a relationship you know? " Jake was vague as always. "i feel like i can't let go of him. as if we are somewhat linked together.we've known each other for so long so i don't know maybe it's that. i just want to keep him around forever. doesn't have to be as a boyfriend but i feel alone without him in my life." Sunoo looked at his therapist knowing that he's been rambling but still expectantly wanting to hear what the latter has to say. "so looks like you are still dependent on him just less than before". yea no shit, he thought to himself "that's a normal process however i suggest you detach himself from this relationship. then you can make progress and have more fulfilling life". Jake checked time after his sentence "how about we end here do today?".

"hey sun? I've got an idea". "hmm?" Sunoo questioned not taking his eyes off of a mobile game he was playing. him and Niki met up at the youngers apartament and were lazying around for a whole day. originally they wanted to have a movie marathon but they couldn't pick one. "let's go out, the school around the corner has some festival going on we can go there"

Sunoo was supposed to distance himself from Niki not get closer. but what he can do if he still has a soft spot for his ex. they arrived at the festival and were now eating cotton candy off one stick. before they rode all the rollercoasters available and not once did they stop holding hands. even now when they were both holding their sweet treat.

"up for another ride?" his boyfriend asked after they finished their snack. Sunoo groaned feeling stuffed to the brim with food and still dizzy from all the rides "no ki i can't". the younger pouted at the rejection "only oneeee..." he showed one finger. "no really, one more and I'll throw up" Sunoo rejected once again. although he found it hard to reject Niki he honestly knew he for a fact couldn't take even one more ride. "let's ride a ferris wheel" he suggested.

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finally finished! 🥰
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