The Butterfly Weeds [Taylor Swift Adoption Story]

MARIGOLD

The marigold is associated with the sun and positivity but they also have symbolic meanings that connect them to darker ideas like death, and despair. Dew collects in marigold flower petals overnight, and the flowers often weep in the morning as the moisture drips from the blossoms. As a result, marigolds are sometimes called the flowers of grief. The symbolic meaning of marigold flowers changes depending on the times, your location, and the culture in which you find yourself. In the tradition of Victorian flower language, marigolds were a symbol of grief, despair, and mourning.

Five Stages of Grief
Stages Three and Four:
Bargaining and Depression

Three Months Later
November 22nd; 2024
Taylor Swift's Point of View
I sit curled up on the couch. I look outside the window and see some cars slowly drive by. I take a slow breath and continue to keep my mind occupied with anything besides what's happening. I don't know how to function anymore, I genuinely don't. I feel so unprepared. I was so focused on my marriage and Holly that I never really got around to preparing to be a parent to a newborn. I know I spent all those years in the past preparing but this time felt different. This time I failed. I had two baby girls and killed one of them. I couldn't carry them. All I feel like doing all the time is nothing. I want to do nothing. I just want to watch tv and watch as I let my life wither away. I still haven't fixed my hair. It's a butchered mess and keeps developing mattes. Joe walks over to me who is holding Willow in his arms. I can see the bags under his eyes and the exhaustion taking over him.

"Taylor, I need to get out of the house, I'm losing my mind. I'm going out with a couple of friends tonight."

I sigh and look at Willow. "Okay."

"A babysitter is coming over to help out. She also helped out Ryan and Blake. They said she was super reliable and the kids love her."

"What? Why a babysitter? I'm her mom. I can take care of her myself."

"There's a reason I called a babysitter. She's my daughter, Taylor. The babysitter is coming."

I look at Willow once again and look at Joe and sigh. "Thank you." He's right, I can't take care of her. I barely touch her or look at her.

"You're welcome."

Joe begins to walk away but I stop him. "Hey, Joe? Can I ask you something?"

Joe looks at me confused. "Uh, sure."

"When we found out Holly was going to die, you left. Where did you go?"

Joe sighs loudly, I can tell he's ashamed. "I went to a pub and ordered a beer. I didn't do anything though. I didn't drink it, the bottle never touched my lips. The bartender tried to kick me out because I wasn't buying anything. I was just staring at the counter."

"Why didn't you get kicked out?"

"I remember saying word for word My daughter was born a couple of months ago. She went through several treatments and surgeries but an hour ago I found out it was all for nothing. Tomorrow I'm going to hold her in my arms as she dies. You close at 2 a.m. I'll pay you $1,000 to let me sit here and stare at your counter."

"How long were you there?"

"Until 2 in the morning. About 8 hours. I stared at a counter for 8 hours." I hear him begin to sniffle as I know it's a time we don't want to think about.

"Did you actually-"

"I don't want to talk about it. Okay? I'm trying to move forward from all that crap and talking about it isn't helping me." He interrupts me quickly.