The Butterfly Weeds [Taylor Swift Adoption Story]

YELLOW CARNATION

While yellow carnations are beautiful flowers, they often express negative feelings. The yellow carnation is associated with sadness disappointment, rejection, and breakup. Greek literature was the first to mention the carnations roughly 2,000 years ago. Diana the goddess, fell in love with a shepherd but when the feelings were not reciprocated, he was dropped to the ground after having his eyes removed. According to mythology, carnations grew from his corpse. Back in the day, offering yellow carnations meant you were breaking up with someone or rejecting their love.

10 Days Later
December 13th; 2023
Taylor Swift's Point of View
Aging can be a scary thing. I mean, I'm turning 34 today. 30 fucking 4. That's a lot of numbers. I decided to have a birthday party this year despite the fact my life is an absolute shit show. That's probably why I'm having a party. I need something to get my mind off the fact that my marriage forgot how to function. I decided to throw a huge party to just hopefully get my mind off all this stupid shit. The party doesn't start for another hour but I had a couple of friends come over to help add last-minute touches. I see Ivy who is leaning against the wall in the back corner. Selena is talking to her and I watch as she tries to comfort Ivy. She's still devastated. I remember what it was like to be a young girl believing in love. Teenage relationships never last but, it still breaks my heart to see her upset like this. We asked my mom to babysit August so Ivy could join in on the celebration. We also didn't want it to be too loud for him. I've been laughing while setting up for the party. Smiling, talking to friends, but there's still constant tension. It feels like there's a rope being pulled so tight and it's starting to give out. Each day it becomes more frayed and one of these days it's just going to snap.

In hindsight, I wish I never had this party. The first hour was fine. It was laughter and jokes, I got to see so many friends. I've been busy dealing with the train wreck you can call my life. Joe was just sitting at the open bar drinking. He didn't do anything else. He wasn't interacting with people or even saying hi to me. I meant nothing to him in those 60 minutes. It bothered me that he didn't even wave. He didn't smile. He didn't laugh with my friends. He didn't say happy birthday. That was the moment I knew.

I finally just got it over with and walk over to Joe. The two of us stand in front of one another in momentary silence. I'm not entirely sure what to tell him. How do you tell someone to be a person? "Are you gonna join the party? You seem to just be standing around."

"You go have fun. I might turn in early." He's still simply standing there just drinking a cocktail. There's no care in the world.

I take a deep breath and try to control my emotions. "Its only been an hour. You're my husband. I don't want to be rude but I thought you'd actually stay for my birthday party." I try to keep this quiet as possible.

"Yeah, I stayed for an hour. What else do you want from me?"

"Can I cash in my winnings from October? For you to stay at my own birthday party for more than an hour?"

"Whatever."

"Can you pretend to love me? Just for tonight? I don't want all my friends to think I'm on the verge of getting divorced."

"You and your reputation. You don't have to be such a fucking people pleaser you know." I ball up my fists, trying to contain my anger.

"Jesus Christ. Fine, whatever. Don't love me. Just actually maybe say hi to someone. You know some of your friends are here too. Ryan?"

"Also your friend."

"So? Do you just want to get rid of everything in life that has to do with me? Can you please just come to my fucking party?" I keep trying to contain myself but I can feel my blood boil more and more.