The Butterfly Weeds [Taylor Swift Adoption Story]

ECHINACEA

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Five Stages of Grief
Stage Five: Acceptance

One Month Later
December 20th; 2024
Taylor Swift's Point of View
Every time I wake up, Holly is the first thing I think of. She's also the last thing I think of before bed. It doesn't paralyze me anymore though. I also don't mind thinking about her. I feel it's important to. Am I still grieving? Yes. I think it's me trying to learn how to live with the loss I experienced. I'm just moving forward instead of living in delusion. I've started to learn more about Willow and myself recently. Willow is super active and loves people. One problem is she fights sleep. No matter what we do she just hates sleeping. It pisses me the hell off because then Joe and I never sleep. Sometimes singing helps but, it's been miserable. By the way, thank god my hair is short because she is a hair grabber. Due to the "hair incident" from a couple of months ago, I had to go back to 2016. My hair looks a lot like when I was the maid of honor at my friend Britney's wedding. Plus I kept letting it matte so I really fucked up my hair. One thing is for sure, I'm never going back to Bleachella. I do miss my long locks of hair sometimes. I still can't believe I voluntarily did that to myself.

I do happen to have major bags under my eyes and a good amount of bedhead. Last week I fell asleep in the shower for two hours. I was woken up by a very concerned Joe. We've only been getting 3-4 hours of sleep every night. I can't tell you the amount of coffee I've been living off of recently. All week I've been dreading today. I promised Jack to record at least one song so I said I would come in today. Ivy is coming to the studio since we are recording You're on Your Own, Kid. Willow is staying behind with Joe but August is coming along with us. It'll be too difficult for him to watch both, especially since August is a toddler. He is very independent but, recently has had a bit of an attachment issue when it comes to Ivy.
I sit on the couch relaxing, waiting for Willow to fall back asleep. God, I need to get ready to leave soon but this child won't sleep. Joe, walks into the room, although looking like he has gotten zero sleep, he is dressed nicely. He has on a collared shirt and jeans. His hair is slicked back and it looks like for the first time in months he might not be a miserable sleep deprived, dead inside human.

"Why are you dressed up so nice?" I ask him then yawn loudly.

"My audition? Remember?"

"Yeah. That's Friday." I swear it's Friday.

"No, it's on Tuesday. Today is Tuesday." He tries to explain.

"But I'm supposed to be at the studio in an hour."

"No, you're going to the recording studio on Thursday."

"WHY WOULD I BE THERE THURSDAY WHEN I WAS SCHEDULED TO GO TODAY?"

"WHY WOULD I GO TO MY AUDITION ON FRIDAY?"

"Wait, shhh! I'm trying to get Willow to sleep." I whisper calmly.

"Wait, who gets to go then?" Joe and I look at each other and he begins to back away slowly, then grabs the keys off of the counter.

"Joe-Joeseph!" I snap quietly.

"Sorry!" He takes the keys and slowly walks towards the garage.

"Get back here!"

"Bye, I love you." He then quickly slips through the door and leaves. Fuck. Out of nowhere, Willow starts to scream and cry. Oh my god, this child.