Lately I've been stressed out. It seems like every time I take a breath I lose another person I care about.
Back to back we go into battle without a plan, and the price is the lives of those dear to me. I don't know how many more deaths it's going to take for me to break.
The only thing keeping me going is Levi's promise to me.
"Once this is all over I promise I'm going to marry you."
I smile slightly to myself as I glance at Levi who is a few horses in front of mine. We're currently riding to wall Maria to take it back. I would be lying if I said I think we'll be successful. I think we're relying on Eren too much, at any minute he could switch sides.
I push all those thoughts out of my mind as I focus on not falling off my horse. The lack of sleep I've had is catching up to me, always at the worst times.
I look around at my comrades and see that we're all in the same boat. Half awake and hungry. As if reading my mind Erwin says, "Alright, let's take a break. You all look half alive and I need you at your best for what to come."
I almost sigh with relief as we find a group of houses that haven't been destroyed. We're in luck.
We all get off our horses and tie them so they don't run away. Erwin splits us up into different groups. One to get firewood, one to search the houses for food, and another to keep a lookout.
I just happened to be in the group that looks for food while Levi was put in charge of the group for lookout.
I entered the first house with one of my best friends, Connie. He looks like he is about to fall over any second.
"Hey, are you alright?" I asked him.
"Yeah I guess so." He whispered back.
I nodded and started looking.
We managed to find some meat and rice, and after meeting up with the other scouts the amount of food we found doubled. It wasn't going to be enough for us to have a full meal but it was enough for us to have something.
After we finished cooking some of the food with a fire, Erwin called the lookouts to come and join us. We all sat down in a circle to enjoy our food.
While we were all eating Erwin went on a whole speech, which half of us ignored. I couldn't help but notice Levi kept glazing at me from across the group.
I wonder what's on his mind.
After we all finished eating we were split into two groups, lookouts and the ones who would sleep. We would switch halfway through the night. I just so happened to be unlucky and be put on lookouts first.
I almost argued but accepted my fate.
My group and I used our ODM gear and got on top of the houses to get a better view of things.
There were two to a house, and Connie also happened to be assigned the lookouts first.
"Our good luck has run out, hasn't it?" Connie said, laughing.
"You look better after eating something, I'm glad to see it." I said, giggling.
Me and Connie grew up together, we have been by each other's sides since day one. A lot of people confuse us as a couple.
I see Connie as a brother, and it makes me feel awkward when people think anything other than that.
We continued talking until we heard ODM being used. We looked to see who it was, and it turned out to be Levi.
"You can leave Connie, I'll stay with Y/n and look out." Levi said as he walked towards us.
This will be the first time me and Levi and I will have time alone since before we set out for our mission.
Connie nods and leaves.
"How are you doing?" Levi asks me.
"Fine I guess, and you?"
"Like shit. This whole mission is going to go to hell and there is nothing we can say to stop Erwin from leading us all to our deaths."
I kept quiet, because I knew he was right.
He looks over at me and he sighs.
"I love you, you know that?" He whispers, still looking in my direction.
I meet his eyes, "I know. I love you."
I hated saying 'I love you too' because the 'too' made it seem like it was just you returning the feeling out of obligation but never actually meaning it. So I just say 'I love you', I feel it means more that way.
He smiled slightly and looked up to the sky, "I never knew how beautiful the stars were."
He kept staring at the sky as I watched him, the way the light of the universe reflecting off his face made him look surreal.
I slowly tear my gaze away from him to look at the sky, "Yeah they sure are beautiful."
We stood there both looking up at the sky, neither of us knowing what tomorrow brings, just enjoying each other's company.
