I woke up with an arm holding me. It was so sweet I felt myself drifting back to sleep, but I was suddenly awake when I realized who was holding me.
I didn't intend to drink the day before, but being with my friends and having a good time after passing my finals made me want to have a few drinks, and I wasn't driving, so it was okay.
And it was okay, until I got closer to him.
It is so funny how I'd known him for 2 years and never really saw him until 2 weeks before.
Even though I liked him, I didn't expected to wake up by his side, and didn't expected to feel so safe with this proximity.
As soon as I realized what kind of problem I got myself into, I left the bed. I got so nervous I started to make breakfast even though I never eat before lunch.
I couldn't form a single thought while moving through the kitchen, until I felt his arms, once again, holding me.
I could feel myself leaning into his chest, been dragged by his perfume.
Then I got a hold of my own mind and got to form words.
"Hey, good morning. I'm making breakfast, but I think we should talk first", we're the first words I got to say. He just said "morning" and then I got to talk again.
"Okay, so, I don't want to make this weird because you are really nice and a good friend, but I feel like I need to say that this isn't me. I don't usually bring men home, drink, smoke or even party. Not that I don't like all those things or judge people who do these things, it just isn't for me. I just think that you should know this was a good night, but it is a one time thing, and I would like to keep you as a friend."
"Wow. I don't think I've ever had this kind of conversation this soon into a relationship."
"But that's the catch, isn't it? We're not in a relationship. In fact, it's been a month since you came out of a relationship, and I know you. You want to sleep around and enjoy every second you can. I understand it, but that's not me. I don't want to be a part of this."
"Who said you are a part of my mission to sleep around? I know you too. I know you are not one of those girls, and I would never put you in that position."
"Yeah, I kinda like to think you wouldn't do that intentionally," I smiled, "but you've done this before, I wasn't close to you, but I've seen it. And I do not judge you! You are single and you are allowed to sleep with whoever you want to, but I will not be one of them."
"I know I slept around before, but I was using these women just as much as they were using me, darling. Listen, from the very first time I saw you, I knew the type of girl you are. You are not one to mess around with, and that's exactly why I've never tried to. But as we became closer I saw that, even though we enjoy different activities, and by that I mean drinking and partying, we could work, and I do want to know we're this could take us." I swear I'd never seen him so serious, but I just couldn't believe him.
"We wouldn't work! As I said, you are an amazing guy, but we are just so different! You wouldn't last a week as me. I enjoy hanging out with my two best friends and their partners and I love my family more than everything, that's why I spend every weekend at my hometown, and that's my life! I don't think it is exciting or extraordinary, but I love it. And I know that your life has much more to it. I'm reading a book or watching tv while you're partying your ass off and sleeping at someone's couch. And that is fine! But you wouldn't want to experience my life just as much as I wouldn't want to experience yours."
"Why do you think that's my life? I live like that because I've never had something better to live for. My last partner was in that life just as much as me, or even worse, one could say. But for the last 2 weeks I've been closer to you, I got to be sober and actually enjoy just being around my friends, hanging out without drugs. I got to spend more time with my parents and enjoy that time. I got to attend my lectures, which I had not been to in ages. Because of you, I've got to enjoy life without my mind being clouded by alcohol. And I do read and watch Law & Order: SVU, okay, I know it isn't fair to put this kind of weight on you, but what I am trying to say is, you make me want to be better."
I couldn't resist getting closer to him, putting my hand on his cheek, and he put his own hand over mine.
"I like you. I do, I really do. But I would never ask you to change who you are to be with me."
"I am not changing who I am for you. You are inspiring me to be a better version of myself. I just hope that my best version it's good enough to be worthy of you."
I couldn't have known then that, when I kissed him, I was not only giving him a chance, I was giving my future husband a chance.
Everyday since, he has done nothing but proving himself worthy. I could only hope I was worthy of him.
Apr/23
