-No control-

Chapter 20

<>Continuing chapter 19<>

I ran into my room and quickly shut the door behind me.it made a very loud sound as the door slammed but I didn't care. I felt hot, wet tears slowly fall and I couldn't control them.

I ran to my bed and collapsed into it, rolling up in a little ball with my knees up against my chest.i quietly sobbed into my pillow as I was having a war inside my own mind. Images and memories of the horrible day.what kept repeating in my mind was how I would never get rid of those memories.Ill be stuck with them for the rest of my life and there's nothing I can do about it.Of course I've thought about it before but usually Harry was there to help me get my mind off of it.i never thought he would be the one to remind me of it.i never want to relive that and I don't want to think about it anymore.I brought my hand to my neck and wiped away Harry's saliva that still remained.

The big difference between Harry and the rapist was I actually want Harry to do those things to me.I love him.And I hated the fact that I couldn't go along with it just because of one strangers stupid choice.

"Emma? Can I come in?" I suddenly heard Harry's voice on the other side of the door.

"Yeah" I answered.my voice sounded dry and hoarse.

He opened the door quickly and once his eyes landed on my tear stained cheeks and red, puffy eyes, his face dropped.

"I'm so sorry Emma. I didn't know anything was wrong." He began apologizing, the words practically flying out of his mouth.

"Harry its fi-" I start but am quickly cut off by his apologies.

"I should've known some thing was wrong.i should've stopped.I'm sorry.Was I going to fast?did I hurt your neck?" He continued.He ended up walking over to me and he was now sitting on the bed facing me with big eyes and a concerned straight face.

"Harry!" I said a little louder as I grabbed his face with both of my hands and brought it to mine.our noses only an inch away from each other's."It's not your fault, I promise." I said trying to reassure him that he did nothing wrong.

"Then what happened out there?" He asked

I stayed silent and moved my eyes away from his gaze.my hands dropping to my sides.

"Please tell me." He said using his hand to lift my chin back up.

I stayed silent.

"Please..." He repeated.

"When you kissed my neck it reminded me of when I got attacked." I blurted out. His facial expression changed so drastically and he used his big hands to cover his face.

"Oh my god." He said into his hands.

"Harry..." I started but stopped as I didn't know what to say.

"I am SO SORRY." He said again.i could tell he felt horrible about it but it wasn't his fault.

"Harry its not your fault, you don't need to apologize.I would have these thoughts even if you didn't kiss me on the neck.and the truth is...I really wish I could've been okay with it because I want us to move forward in that way." I gave him a reassuring smile and set my small hand on his thigh.

He smiled weakly at me and set his hand on top of mine.

"If you ever feel like that again, please tell me."

"Okay."

Harry then pulled me into a tight hug and I rested my head in his chest.

"I wish this never happened." I said weakly.

"Me too." He answered running circles in my back.

I released from the hug and looked at him.

"Can we try to have a regular relationship?" I asked him.

"As much as I think that is impossible, I will try my best." He smiled at me.

"No, really though. I don't want one event from my life to effect everything that happens to me in the future.I want to have the typical relationship where we go through all the common milestones. I want to do it with you." I smiled at him.

"Okay" Harry smiled back at me. "I'll do it for you because I love you"

"Thank you." I smiled at him rubbing my nose against his.

"Can we try this again?" I said suddenly.

"Try what again?" Harry asked.

"What we were doing on the couch..just take it a little slower. I'm not ready for neck kissing or sex yet but I will get there." I told him straight to his face.

"I will wait as long as you need." He bit his lip before kissing me softly on the lips.

We started slowly transitioning to making out again but then we heard a strange noise.a noise I never thought I would hear again.

The door bell....

<>Hey again!!! I'm about to go to a wedding !<>

<>did some of you skip chapter 19 because this has more views..?<>