Better Off Alone (Adopted by Brendon and Sarah Urie)

82. Callie

I don't want to get out of bed. My head hurts and my stomach is upset. My alarm is going off and I don't even want to roll over to turn it off. I stayed curled up trying to keep my stomach from emptying itself. I hate throwing up and I really didn't want to do it.

I felt someone sit on my bed and shake my shoulder. I pretended to still be asleep. But they shook me harder and so I turned over, saw Dad and then realized I was going to throw up anyway. And I did. Onto my floor. Dad pulled me into his arms and onto his lap. I just held on to him and cried because my head hurt so much and my stomach was bothering me. Mom came in, saw I'd thrown up and then came back with a towel. Mom and Dad spoke a little bit and Dad carried me downstairs. I felt dizzy and gross and when he asked how I was feeling I told him I felt crappy.

Mom was on the phone, I guess telling the school I wasn't coming in today, again. Dad laid me down on the couch and I pulled a throw pillow over my face and signed that it was too bright.

Eventually, Dad said I needed to be seen at the hospital because when he asked out of ten how bad my head hurt, I told him 11. I tried to stand up to walk to the front door, but I fell over and sat back down. I tried again but I couldn't keep my balance. Dad picked me up and carried me to the car. He drove as quickly as he could while I laid in the back seat, trying not to throw up again, and trying to keep the lights and movement of the car from making my head hurt more.

When we stopped, Dad picked me up out of the back seat and carried me into the hospital. While he was talking to the nurse, everything around me went grey and then black.

I felt someone squeezing my hand, so I tried to squeeze back, but I wanted nothing more than to sleep. I was so tired, my head hurt so much.

I felt myself being moved but I didn't want to open my eyes. Eventually, we stopped and I was moved again, lifted from one place and laid down on another. Then I moved some more and felt some vibrations, but I still didn't open my eyes. It was too hard to do that anyway. I felt like I didn't have any control. And my head wouldn't stop hurting. I think it's a 12 or 13 now, it hurts so much.

After a while, I felt myself moved again and then lifted, placed down and moved some more. 

When we stopped, I tried opening my eyes. It was too bright, but Dad saw me try and turned off the light over my head, then tapped me on the shoulder. It was a little bit better.

"How's your head?" He asked.

"Bad," I signed back.

"One to 10?" He asked.

"12, maybe 13. It hurts so much," I said.

I wanted to cry from the pain, but I couldn't. I didn't have the energy. I felt so weak and sick and gross.

That weird grey came back and then it was just... dark.  I was alone. I couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't even feel my body. It was like I was floating in space. Every now and then I'd see a flash of light or colour, but otherwise, just darkness. If anyone was holding my hand, I couldn't feel it.

I wasn't hungry, I didn't feel any pain. Not even my head hurt anymore. I didn't have to go to the bathroom. I just... existed in this dark place. But it wasn't scary. It was lonely, but not scary. I felt safe, warm, and I guess, taken care of.

I still want my mom and dad, though. I don't like being alone, really. And as safe as I felt, I missed them. I had to figure out how to get out of this place.

I knew time was passing. It had to, right?  Time doesn't just stop.  Some days the darkness wherever I was seemed total. Other times it seemed a little brighter. But for the most part, it stayed dark.

After some time, I found that I could open my eyes. I saw Mom and Dad sitting beside me, looking worried. But I couldn't keep my eyes open long enough for them to see.

And then the pain was back. My head hurt so much I think I started crying. I felt a hand in mine and I squeezed as hard as I could, hoping whoever it was would know that meant I was in a lot of pain.

I opened my eyes and Dad and Mom were both staring at me. Mom started crying and signing at me. I signed that my head hurt.

Mom asked me to say how bad from one to ten and I said nine. It wasn't as bad as before, but it hurt. The worst headache I've ever had in my life. Well, okay, the second worst because the one before this was way worse.

Mom smiled and said she'd get someone to bring me something for my headache and asked if I was thirsty. I nodded and she brought a cup with a straw close to my mouth and I drank a little water.

A nurse came in, talked to Mom and Dad and Mom said she was going to give me something for my headache. I thought maybe Advil but she put a needle in my IV which I hadn't even noticed until then, and I felt warm and fuzzy and then sleepy.

Mom told me to sleep if I was tired, so I did.

When I opened my eyes again, my head didn't hurt as much. Mom and Dad were still beside me, but Dad was on his phone and Mom was reading a book.

Mom looked up, saw me and smiled.

"Hi beautiful. How are you feeling?" She signed.

"Ok," I said. "My head doesn't hurt as much. What happened?"

Mom looked at Dad, who had put his phone down and was looking at me with kind of a sad look on his face.