Hard to love (ChaeSoo Fanfiction)

Chapter 10 - To the aid

Present, One month later

Chaeyoung POV

"Kim Jisoo and Kim Ji-Hyun are dating!

As reported by both parties, former BLACKPINK member Kim Jisoo and fellow actress Kim Ji-Hyun are in a relationship. According to Ji-Hyun, the two women started dating shortly after the filming for the movie "Two of us", which will premier this upcoming Friday, has been finished. "Behind the scenes, we were already connected by a deep friendship. But after we were done working together, the thought of you and me going separate ways was too much to handle for me. That's why I'm incredibly grateful to call you my girlfriend from now on <3" the older Kim wrote on her Instagram. The post received a lot of attention and supportive comments, and we would like to wish the best of luck to the new couple as well."

"Can you shut the fuck up for like two fucking seconds?!"

I felt really stupid for cursing at my TV, especially since I could've just turn in off. But that would've only been a temporary solution anyway, for the second I would open my phone, every Instagram page, every TikTok channel would flood me with the exact same news. The newest, hottest homosexual couple Korea's entertainment industry had to offer.

And me?

I was sitting on my couch in my comfy pajamas, eating buckets of ice cream and cursed at my reflection every time I would step in front of a mirror. It was a prime example of how a hurtful breakup would look like, if Jisoo and I would've been a couple in the first place. That way, I was just a heartbroken woman with no real purpose in life. Realistically speaking, what was left for me? Music? Sure, but ever since things with me and Jisoo came to an end, I used music more as an escape route more than anything else. The passion was still there, but it was tainted. Tainted by the connection I once had with her, a shared passion that, once we broke up, couldn't be separated anymore. Like two liquids that were mixed together, you couldn't just cleanse them from one another.

And now, I didn't even had that left. I haven't written any meaningful lyrics in weeks. It was the sadness that fuelled me over the past five years, that inhibited every line I wrote, yes. But the strength to even write down these words came from the faint hope that eventually, Jisoo and I might have a jointly future after all.

"Your love means nothing."

God, was I really that horrible of a human being?

Of course I was, why else would I choose to cheat on my beloved girlfriend while she was working day and night to prepare her marriage proposal?

For the longest time, I tried to tell myself that I didn't chose to cheat on Jisoo. But I very much chose to go into that bar and get completely drunk, with the premise that my girlfriend was cheating on me. So whether it wasn't intentionally, my stupidity and ignorance doesn't free me of any guilt. A realisation that, unfortunately, came way too late. The second I chose to accept this girl's drink was the second I put the death nail into Jisoo's and mine relationship.

So in the end, everything was good. The way it was now was completely fine. Jisoo found a new love, a woman who hopefully will treat her better than I did. Maybe Ji-Hyun was right in getting between Jisoo and me, because I don't deserve her anyway. These two can start a new life, a life in which Jisoo finds the happiness she deserved all along. And I am left with nothing but pictures and beautiful memories. That, and...

Getting up from my couch for the first time in hours, I walked over to my bedroom. I kneeled down next to my bed and pulled a box out from under it. It was roughly the size of a shoe carton, maybe a bit bigger, pink and with glitter decorated. Opening the box, I was greeted with a vault full of memories. Every letter Jisoo ever wrote me, the necklace she gave me for our six months anniversary, all the songs I wrote in our breakup phase. I picked up one of the sheets and read the text, the ink was blurry in some places where my tears fell onto the paper. But that was not what I came for. At the very bottom of the carton, buried under all these memories and all the pain, was a small box I haven't opened in a long time. The very same ring that Jisoo handed me on that day, still as beautiful as it was five years ago, it rested on it's pink bedding, smiling at me every time I would open the box. And yes, I kept it. Not only because I had a small hope that Jisoo and I might find to each other again but also, because I couldn't get myself to get rid of something I got from her.

"Do what you want with that stupid ring, I don't want it back!" Were Jisoo's words when I asked her about the ring, so I kept it. Every once in a while, I would peek in side, take it out, put it on my finger. Looked at myself in the mirror and imagined how it would feel if Jisoo would be the one to put this ring onto my finger. Then, I started to look inside the box less and less frequently and eventually stopped completely. I slowly got better, moved on. Well, until I saw Jisoo again and everything went downhill.

"Hello there, little friend~"

My voice was nothing but a whisper, raspy and low. I haven't used it much recently. Whom should I talk to anyway? Nobody, except a dusty box full of old memories.

"I haven't seen you in a while. It's time for me to give up Jisoo and, with that, you as well."

Wanting to look at the ring one last time, I carefully took it out of it's box and put it on my finger. And it almost, just almost, felt like there was still faith. A small, insignificant spark of hope that got awaken by the ring on my finger. Insignificant, but present. A little flame, that was all it took to shake up my insides and caused my eyes to tear up all over again. I knew I shouldn't put on that ring, I knew what emotions and memories that one inhabited. But fuck, it was the last thing I ever got from Jisoo, her most heartfelt present. She made sure that every detail about the ring was perfectly fitting for me. How could I throw this ring away?