Poetry

a cry

I've found myself crying more lately
And not the silent kind that can be hidden
No these are childish sobs that pour down
And take full control of my face

I find I can't make myself to speak blatantly
And my mind is spilling with spiders therein
My voice trembles and I falter even with no one round
It's more than my body can brace.

Even in such anguish though I still smile
I pretend and make believe we're okay
And it works at least for a little while
But I'm growing so tired of this play

I want you to love me the way you used to
I want to be your only one not just a favorite
I dont want to be ranked I don't want exhaulted
I want adored and found partnered in.

I want know we can make it through
I want to say things and hear how you've saved it
Each and every memory encased and never exhausted
I dont want a competition I don't want to win

I know I'm broken and sometimes difficult
I am a raging storm at sea
My mind plays tricks and can heave such heavy assaults
But when you're mine alone I can breath

I can't say so much out loud so selfish and unclear
But I'm tearing myself down and screaming where only I can hear
And if you heard me once when my tears came crashing down
Could you wrap me up in your arms and tell me home is what I've found

Or am I screaming and pleading for something long lost
Is this just a memory that I've given for no cost
Am I alone as I feel this shadow that creeps in with dread
Or is this idol fears of an unwell who conjures all of this up in their head?

Have I forgotten the thrill of delicate brush along my skin
Forgot where the electricity sparks and romance ends
Have I lost my way in idol fantasy
Missing the love that had been right in front of me

My mistakes I cannot undo
but I would and have torn myself down for you
All I want is you and I as was promised
And yet it's lost in loveless solace