Loose Kaanon

Five --

I awoke with a loud thud that shook my head with pain and reverberated through the unfamiliar room. The night before suddenly came to me as I remembered the pulsating music, bright lights and beaming faces of Kaanon's album release party. I was still dressed in last night's outfit, slumped on Nina's couch. My phone buzzed, blinding in its intensity as I read a text message from the young man I had talked to earlier that night.

My heart skipped a beat. I had forgotten about the young guy from the party. I had given him my number, but I expected him to wait to follow up. I had been hoping to forget the whole thing and move on with my life.

The morning sun shone through the window, and I realized Nina had already left for work at her hair salon. On the kitchen table sat a note from her and a plate of scrambled eggs. I inhaled them hungrily before ordering an Uber back to my car. Time was ticking away, as I had a crucial morning meeting with my law firm partners.

Rushing home, I changed into my work attire – a fitted blazer, pencil skirt, crisp white blouse and statement earrings, all set off by my short curly natural hair. I took a few moments to refresh my teeny weeny afro with water and leave-in cream before dashing out of the house towards the subway line that would take me to meet my law firm partners in time. All I could do was hope the express train was running.

As I stepped out of the subway station, I checked my phone to see that the young guy from last night had messaged me again.

I walked into the conference room, trying to shake off the last remnants of my hangover. I noticed that all my partners and associates were already seated and looking at me expectantly, I took a deep breath and sat down. At the table I went straight to work, pulling out my laptop and flipping through the case file. As the meeting begins, I find myself struggling to focus - I can feel my headache intensifying. I forgot to take any painkillers this morning, and now I was paying the price.

When the meeting ended, I felt his hand on my shoulder as I quietly began to walk away. This was a familiar gesture; it reminded me of the comfort and security that my mentor had brought me since my early days at the firm.

"Hey Leila, can I have a word?" my partner, Chris, asked as the meeting ended.

I remember when he first invited me to his Brooklyn brownstone for a celebration filled with all the love and warmth of someone who had dedicated their life to a good family. He looked into my eyes, his sincerity radiating within them as he said those words - this case could be your big break - the thing that would propel me to becoming one of the partners. As I went to thank him, he interrupted, asking about my mother. The question caught me off guard; I never liked discussing my difficult relationship with her mother. Without hesitation, I changed the subject.

I continued to nod attentively as Chris spoke, a faint smile playing across my lips. The prospect of a promotion excited me, but I knew better than to show it. I'd always been good at hiding my emotions, at least when it came to work.

I left the conference room, and Yaz, my confidante at work, fell in step beside me. Yaz was a beautiful Indian woman with dark skin only slightly lighter than my own.

"Hey girl, how'd it go?" We had seen each other through many difficult cases.

Once we were in the office with the door shut, Yaz immediately said "You look like shit. What happened last night?" I laughed and thanked Yaz for being honest.

Groaning, I fell into my chair, rubbing my temples. "I don't even remember how I got back to Nina's place," I said, my voice laced with frustration.

Yazmin laughed. "Sounds like a wild night. Did you at least have fun?"

I rolled my eyes and began to brief Yaz.

After explaining how I'd argued with Kaanon, the rapper whose album release party I attended, Yaz shocked me by gushing with lit-up eyes, "Girl, I love Kaanon! He is so damn fine."

I shook my head, unconvinced. "I don't know. He seemed pretty pissed off at me."

"Well, he's a rapper," Yaz says with a laugh. "Maybe he's just playing hard to get."

I shook my head. "No, he seemed like an asshole last night..."

My mind began to wander to the events of the previous night. I remember bits and pieces of the party and the alcohol-induced haze I was in when Kaanon offered to take Nina and I back to her place.

I chuckled, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something about Kaanon pulled at me. I couldn't remember much from last night, but I couldn't shake the image of him from my mind. His dark eyes, his smooth voice, the way he carried me on his back. It was all so vivid, so real.

I recounted the evening's events, deliberately skipping that part but bringing up the young man from the album release party who had been texting me. He had invited me out for drinks over the weekend.

Yaz giggled and wiggled her eyebrows at me. "Ooh, a young thing trying to take you out, huh? You go girl!" she says, clapping her hands. I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but feel a little excited about the prospect of a date. Maybe it's just what I needed to get my mind off things.

I spend the next few hours reviewing the case file, taking notes, and familiarizing myself with the details of the crime. I couldn't help but feel a bit of pity for the young boy. His childhood was marked by poverty, neglect, and abuse. I took a deep breath and picked up the phone to call the defendant's grandmother.

As I waited for the call to connect, I couldn't help but think back to the events of last night. I remembered dancing and laughing, but after that, everything was hazy. I hoped that nothing happened that would ruin my reputation as a lawyer. The call finally connected, and an older woman's voice answered.

"Mrs. Henderson?" I asked.

"Yes, who is this?" the woman answered.

"My name is Leila Shepard. I'm your grandson's defense attorney."

I could hear Mrs. Henderson sobbing on the other end of the line. I felt a pang of sympathy for the woman but pushed it aside. I had a job to do.

"I understand this is a difficult time for you, but I need to meet with your grandson as soon as possible. Can we arrange a time to speak in person?"

Mrs. Henderson composed herself and gave me the details of the visitation hours at the detention center. I thanked her and hung up the phone.

As the day wore on, the throbbing in my head worsened. I couldn't concentrate on the task at hand. I reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of painkillers.

Minutes later, I felt a wave of drowsiness wash over me. I tried to fight it, but my eyelids grew heavy. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep at my desk.

I was woken up by a hand on my shoulder. I jolted awake to find my assistant standing over me, looking concerned. "Are you alright, Leila?" she asked. "You've been out for almost an hour."

I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus. I felt groggy and disoriented. "I'm fine," I mumbled. "Just a headache."

My assistant handed me a cup of coffee. "You should get some rest when you get home," she said. "You look exhausted."

I nodded and took a sip of the coffee. I needed to finish up the case before I could even think about resting. I pushed through the rest of the day, battling the headaches and fatigue.