The Messy Thoughts Of A Blooming Adult.

Topic Fifteen: Our flawed memory.

As she was scrolling through her gallery, she came across a distant memory, one she forgot about as it made its way into the deep part of her brain completely forgotten and abandoned. And somehow, that thread of photos made her mouth shape into a sad smile. A smile that holds happiness and regret in its folds.  

Happiness as she remembered how happy she was on that specific moment in time, and regret and sadness over how she perceived an entire point of time based on the messy and sad, failing to see those happy moments that were there as well, waiting to be acknowledged. She could see the smile plastered across her face as she looked at the camera, and she could remember so vividly the feelings she felt at that moment. The feelings of warmth and gratitude to be surrounded by those who are here to this day, and those who are no longer a part of the train of her life and she wondered, why did her mind only remembered the bad and ignored the days of happiness like this one. Why did it make her perceive an entire time point as flawed and regretful when, in reality it was full of beauty as much as it was filled with pain? 

And she suddenly came to the realization that our memories are flawed and unreliable most of the time. Our memories depend mainly on emotions rather than actual memories that took place, which was how her memory chose to filter out the happiest of memories and broadcast the sad ones, allowing her to label a point of time as sad and miserable when it had as much happiness as it was sad. 

She realized that the mind picks and chooses as it likes. It creates and draws the scenes of our lives. It even creates emotions and feelings that may have never been. It also renders some parts of the story as fillers, when in reality, they may have been the main plot! 

For as she went through her memories of that year, she saw both. She saw her face on the days when she had to part with her loved ones, group photos she was forced to join after she suffered her greatest failure back in University, photos with her long lost friendship and more of the sad parts of that year. But she also saw the beautiful happy smiles she possessed, looking at the camera as her family took her photo while they celebrated her birthday, the photos she took with her loved ones as they hung out for the last time, the hugs they shared and the laughter that echoed through the walls as she watched the videos that were taken. She started to recollect memories and emotions she felt through the photos long forgotten, like the first photo she took with that one friend she now loves dearly and that one day she took a photo of that little poster hung on the wall not knowing that it will lead her to where she is now, and how this little bit of memory that she may have forgotten may had a greater impact than all the other sad parts of that point of time. 

And soon she realized that no matter how flawed our memories are and no matter how much we forget the good and sometimes only remember the bad, they both hold a place in our heart that can never be forgotten and a piece of our memory, that may have been forgotten but will surely resurface when the right time comes or it may never do, but still it shaped you into the beautiful human being that you are today. 

So, we don't have to remember every part of happiness we lived or forget every ounce of sadness we encountered. But we do have to appreciate them and keep them inside the folds of our hearts, and be grateful for how they shaped us into being the best versions of ourselves, and know that within sadness there is good and within good there is sadness. Which is how the human experience is made and how our lives are shaped, through the good and the bad, things that we remember and those we do not.