The Messy Thoughts Of A Blooming Adult.

Topic Four: Love.

For her, love is one of the hardest topics to get into. She is a big romantic, and an avid fan of love, with dreams of a world ruled by love and appreciation. But that doesn't mean she isn't still afraid of the idea and what it entails.

She has always been scared of the idea of being vulnerable and exposed. The idea of another person seeing every single flaw and magically accepting her nevertheless. To her, romance and love are things she only saw in dramas, or read about in novels but it was never something she actually experienced first hand. 

She loves the idea of love, but to her it was limited to having crushes from afar, or fantasizing about people who might not even know she existed. She liked the idea of making scenarios in her head, scenes that are only real and possible up there in her wild fantasies.
But she is too scared to act upon those fantasies to make those dreams a possible reality, she is strange but that has always been her idea of being safe inside her little bubble.

Maybe it's the fantasies and the wild daydreams that made her expectations so high, maybe it's the books she has buried her face in day and night the cause why she always fantasies about the perfect guy that's gonna come sweep her off her feet or the perfect relationship that can never go under.

But she is starting to touch the reality of it all. She starting to understand the essence of love, the beauty of having someone understand you and appreciate your thoughts and ideas. Someone you can share life with, the good and the bad without having to feel small or unworthy.

She is beginning to understand that her fantasies are real, just a little incomplete. For real life isn't all happiness and butterflies, it has the sad parts too and it is possible to still live those with someone we love in some form of contentment and understanding of the pain we are both feeling.

She is finally understanding that love is mutual respect, shared life experiences, goals and dreams. She is understanding that love is real, it's just hard to find and hard maintain for it needs commitment, sacrifice and understanding of the needs of the other person as much as yours.

She is understanding the need to fall in love with herself and understand herself first before she can ever commit to loving someone else openly and beautifully. Because a person who cannot love oneself cannot possibly be able to love or understand someone else and their needs.

She is starting to understand that, love is happiness blooming from the accumulation of goodness, respect and care. It's the idea of trusting one another, taking care of each other, showing respect and be shown the same amount of that respect. It is listening and paying attention to the little things and the big stuff. It's a journey that includes two people who wants to make things work, who want to make life a beautiful piece of art they can share together in peace and love.

And now she tends to find herself hopelessly drawn to books and movies that shows the real aspects of love, the one that stays, the one that dies with time and the one that we didn't work to build in the first place. Because now she knows that's how love is and she couldn't be more in love.

Love, a mixture of beauty and pain, the good and the bad, it's all things human. It's the perfections and imperfections. It is the beautiful feeling we all deserve to experience at least once in a lifetime.

It's a friendship, it's a relationship, it's a beautiful day out by the ocean or a stroll in a park. It's everything and anything. It's love and it's beautiful.