Gone Girl 3

Chapter 30

Veronica's POV

I left Derek once again. Each time it was harder than the last, but whenever I saw him, it reminded me Irene was never coming back and he brought her on that path, along with Cyprian who I still couldn't stand and accept as family.
I haven't heard from my mother, even if she called I would not reply.

My exams are tomorrow morning and I didn't study anything, I tried but I can't focus. I could use today to go over the key stuff but honestly I don't care anymore. I hardly care about anything anymore. My life is doomed and I am filled with guilt. I'm tired of pretending to be okay, to be a whole person. Alexander was right, this is who I am and Derek couldn't accept it.
Just like Louis and Nicole couldn't back then. I feel like I fooled everyone.

I sit in the dorm with a random girl from first year I don't even know the name of. She is studying and ignoring me, she knows my reputation and she seems like the perfect prom nerdy student.

My phone buzzes.

Shanice: We should hang out

Words you rarely hear from Shanice but she hadn't been much better lately. I know a night out drinking would patch us up, at least for a while.

So I get up and shower.

Me: any place in mind?

Shanice: night club. They won't ask for your ID, I'm 23.

Me: uhm they will for me

Shanice: it's not in this city and I've been there before

I agree, and put on a skimpy little dress. The only one I have. I gained weight since I last wore it, so it's much shorter than it should be.

Another city meant away from people I know. With Shanice who understands my pain better than anyone.

I put on high heels and do my eyeliner, near that girl. She doesn't look at me once but I feel the judgmental air coming from her. She thinks she is so much better than me.

Perhaps she is.

I grab my phone and purse and text Shanice as I went out.

Shanice: meet me at my car in the parking lot.

I do so, struggling with the too tall and uncomfortable heels. It's been a long time. And a part of me sees old Veronica in the reflection, not the kind one. But the one who lost her life to that monster. He's dead, and so am I. He's taken me, my father and Irene from me. He keeps taking beyond the grave and the worst part? I'm letting him.

Sometimes you have to accept some people are doomed. I arrive at Shanice's car. I climb to the rear seat and she doesn't hesitate to drive faster out of here. She barely looks at me.

It wasn't long since we buried Irene.

"Sometimes I can't believe she's gone, as if she will jump out of nowhere and laugh at us for running off."

I look at Shanice, her jaw tightens. Tears well up in her eyes but she refuses to let them go.

"'Ronica, tonight it's all gonna be about having fun." Her tone is tense, but I nod. I know what I came for. I know there would be alcohol and I should continue my rehab sobriety but... somehow I don't even think alcohol was enough pain relief.

When we get there, I discover we wouldn't be alone. Shanice didn't bother to mention she brought her older friends too. I notice a different glimpse of her when she greets them and he slides a small package of cocaine into her purse. One has a buzz cut and tattoos all over his face. He reminds me of Felix, my ex drug dealer, who ended up in prison because of Derek.