Gone Girl 3

Chapter 29

Nicole's POV

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw James. It felt like all those horrible years with him came back and hit me, completely wrecking me.

It's been so long. I feel so stupid that I still suffer. That the memory of him still hurts. But now it's not love. It's pure hatred.

Cyprian kisses me and I try to seem into it but I'm distracted.

"What happened?"

I looked into his blue eyes. Now I saw the resemblance with Veronica... I can't believe I fell for her lost brother.

"It's him, isn't it?"

I nodded. He touched my thigh and gave it a light squeeze. "I feel like there is more to the story."

"I'd rather not talk about it."

He gave me a cup of coffee and I drank from it. Too bitter. We were in his apartment and here I brought a few of my things. We've been dating for only three months but I wished I could move in here just to not stay at the dorm anymore. Without Veronica and Irène it seemed pointless.

The thought of Irène hurt now. Especially when I thought of James. I didn't like what she did and all the mean comments but I'm grateful she had sex with James and filmed it, because I left him after that video forever.

Sometimes I wish I could make him suffer like he made me suffer for four years.

"Would you ever go back to him?"

I choked on my coffee. Cyprian didn't know what James had done to me. No one really told him, he just thinks James cheated with Irène and I was heartbroken for a long time.

He doesn't even know I cheated on Louis with James. I wonder what he would think of me... but I didn't find it necessary to tell him because back then I was depressed and disgusted with myself and it was just a kiss. I've changed. I'm not the same little girl I was.

Even though Louis would like to believe otherwise.

"Your silence says a lot," Cyprian says bitterly. I had completely forgotten to reply to him.

He suddenly lifts his arm and I flinch, protecting my face with my hands.

Then I see him grab the sugar from the top shelf which was above us, but he stares at me in disbelief, hurt and scared.

I gulp down hard and I feel stupid and small again. My body genuinely thought he was going to slap me just like James had done when he was jealous. And I felt sick for it, because Cyprian has never even raised his voice once at me and the disbelief in his eyes right now is piercing through my soul.

He doesn't sit. "Nicole. Did you think I was going to hit you?"

"No."

His voice breaks for a second. "You shielded your face. You flinched."

"I would never do that, listen to me, never. I'd rather cut off my arms than ever touch a single part of you skin unlovingly."

"I'm sorry..." I try to keep in my tears but the words he'd just spoken penetrate through my soul. "I know you wouldn't."

"But James did."

When I don't say anything and I look down at my hands, he knows.

Cyprian throws his cup of coffee in the sink and I see so much anger in his expression. He is going to kill James.

I stand up and I grab his arm, pulling him close to me. He kisses my forehead several times and my tears.

"I'm so sorry, Nicole."

"Let him go. I don't want you to fight him," I say.

"Okay. I will. Just for you." He kisses me on the lips for a long second.

"I love you," I say and smile through the tears. "Not because just of this moment, but because of everything."

He smiles, his anger dissipating. "I love you too, Nicole Gilbert."

Once I'm at the campus, I stop for a few seconds on the bench to look through my purse.

A voice calls out my name. "Nicole."

I look up and it's James. I immediately stand up and I put more distance between us.

"Don't come near me," I say, my voice sounding way more trembling than I intended.

He has his puppy eyes, the ones he always had when he apologized to me after hurting me. Then a few days later he would do it again.

"Go away or I'll yell."

"Please, just listen to me. One minute."

"No!" I yelled. "I don't want to listen to you or see you." I start leaving but he drops to his knees and begs me.

Everyone around campus looks at us.

He starts crying and I look at him in disbelief. What the hell is he doing? Causing a scene just to make me feel sorry for him and take him back?

He is stupid if he believes I'd take him back after I have an amazing man like Cyprian.

"Forgive me. I beg you. I should have never done this to you. I will do anything for you to forgive me."

"There is nothing you can do."

"There has to be."

I look at him, I feel nothing. No sadness. I don't even believe him. He's incapable of change, the moment I forgive him he will take it for granted and return to his old self.

"Stand up. You are pathetic," I spit out.

The incredule look in his eyes is everything. I'm finally getting my revenge. He can't even recognize me. He really thought I was still stupid and naive.

He stands up and tries to grab my hands, I let him for a second preparing for what I'll say. "Please... I know I was a horrible piece of shit to you but I swear to God I am sorry and I'd never do it again. Let me prove it to you."

I look into his eyes and soften up. I can already feel the smile even though he wouldn't show it. He's won again.

Except that he hasn't. "You deserved everything your father did to you. What a little piece of shit you are. A monster. I hope you end up in prison like him, exactly where you belong." I let go of his hands and his eyes switch at the words I'd spoken. Had it been anyone else I would have never said them. No child deserves to be beaten but I wanted to hurt James, and I knew he hasn't changed.

His abusive life doesn't give him an excuse to abuse others.

"Fine," he spoke bitterly but with no screaming or insulting which did take me aback.

He walked away. I looked at him for a few seconds, feeling one percent of regret for what I said. It was nothing compared to what he said to me for years... and the abuse, but I am not like him. I'll never be him.