Gone Girl 3

Chapter 32

I walk to the Dean's office, expecting the worst as I am immediately called there first working hour of Monday. Shame settles into me after everything I told my professors in email. Many swear words...

God, and a small stupid part of me still craves cocaine—I already messed up. What's the point in resisting? At least next time I'll be aware.

Nicole has been ignoring me all weekend. We also spoke on phone that night so fuck knows what else I told her...

Everyone is mad at me.

I knock on the office's door and I am greeted inside.

The look on the man's face tells me all I need to know.

"I'm very disappointed in you, miss Reeves."

I hold my head down, accepting my fate.

"You weren't at the exam and you insulted all your professors. Your behavior has been incredibly poor both in high school and here. You showed you changed for the last year of school but you continuosly have proved to have no regard for others and for your future."

I force my tears to stay in. I nod. I can't deny the truth.

"Do you have anything to add?"

I shake my head. "My behavior is unacceptable."

"Yes, Veronica. You failed this year. You didn't get admitted to final exam and your overall attendance is horrible."

I put my head down on the desk and cry.

The Dean doesn't comfort me much. "We can take you next year... but you will repeat all your credits and you need to act accordingly."

"Thank you... and I'm sorry," I stand up, defeated. I brush my tears away with my sleeve.

"Your dorm should be empty by Friday."

I leave the office. Everything feels like the beginning of the end.

I desperately want to talk to Derek, have him comfort me. But I don't deserve that. Maybe everyone finally sees the truth now.

I walk to my dorm and start packing. I have nowhere to go. I fought with my mom and chose Derek over her. I can't go anywhere.

I have my luggage ready when I run into Nicole. Her eyes filled with hurt.

"That's it? You're leaving?"

I nod. "I failed the year." So much money and time wasted. I don't even know if I want to go to college anymore next year.

"I want to understand you... but I can't," she speaks defeated.

"It was never your job to understand me!"

"Yes! It was! You're—you were my friend!"

Ouch. Past tense already.

"I am done forgiving you. Begging you. I have enough self respect to see the more people seek you and help you, the more you hurt us."

I gulp down hard. I guess it's true. We accept the help we think we deserve.

I don't want to cry anymore. She is right. They all are. I proved consistently over the years that I'm a bad friend, daugther, girlfriend... sister and human.

Some people should be alone.

I'm done victimizing myself. I'm simply not that special. In fact I'm just objectively a bad person and I should spare good people of my presence.

I have until Friday to find a place... so I just text Shanice.

She replies back, "hmm maybe try at my friends' house?"