Into The Stars

How Did We Get Here?

Crystal

I did something that I'm not proud of and now I think I might be pregnant. I'm sitting in my bathroom staring at the tile floor not wanting to believe what I am feeling. I got up off the floor and made my way to the kitchen, grabbed an orange juice from the fridge and made my way out of the house. I drove on autopilot to the store forgetting that Devale was in my house using my Peloton because theirs is currently broken, I didn't mind. I went into the store and bought four pregnancy tests. Not the regular kind, I picked up the kind that tells you if you're pregnant and how many weeks you are. I just needed to know. I needed the confirmation that what I suspected was true and what I did led to this. Devale is truly my best friend and I tell him that all the time. Khadeen and I also have a great relationship too, that's my boo. We do so much together. I just can't shake the feeling that I might be pregnant. Do I want to be? I don't even know. I have no idea how I feel. I drove back to my house on autopilot too, again forgetting that my best friend was in the house.

I went straight to my bedroom and went into the bathroom. I drank the orange juice that I had grabbed before leaving so that I would have to pee soon. I waited for about ten minutes until I needed to go to the bathroom. I took all four of the tests I bought, still forgetting that D was in my house. I waited the five minutes, like the tests said, before I looked at the tests. I turned each one over and each one read exactly what I thought. Pregnant, 8-10 weeks. Immediately I started crying, I kept one test and put the other three in the trash can. Devale found me standing in the middle of the bathroom crying. He came to hug me but I was stiff. The only thing I did was to stick the test into my pocket discreetly. Devale grabbed a face towel, wet it and wiped my face. He always hopped in to take care of me whenever I needed him, that was just who he was. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him what I just discovered. Instead I chose to stay mute. I don't think that I'm ready to tell anyone, yet.

"Crys, what's wrong?"

"I can't...D, why?"

"Why what?"

That was all I said, "why?" kept repeating in my head. I just looked off into space. I stopped talking because in my mind I was still processing the news I just received. I knew D wanted to be there for me but I couldn't let anybody be there for me right now. Devale sat with me but I couldn't speak, nothing seemed important enough for me to say at the moment. I cried off and on giving myself a headache. Devale led me back to my bedroom and I laid on my bed. He left and went to the kitchen and made me a sandwich and brought it to me. I ate a few bites until I began feeling nauseous, I drank the ginger ale he brought with my sandwich. Devale stayed with me for the rest of the day. He left when Ro called him asking if he was ever going to come home. It was the cutest thing and made me smile. I had a lot to think about and I had some major decisions to make. How did I get myself into this? I asked myself over and over again. A few days later I went to my doctor's appointment and she confirmed what the test told me. She did a few lab tests and did a sonogram. The moment I saw my baby on the screen I felt connected to him or her and hearing the heartbeat for the first time solidified my decision to keep my child and raise them. I felt like I needed to get away though, I needed a moment to myself.

Devale

I don't know what's going on with my best friend. She was in a different headspace all day and I had no idea what to do to bring her out of it. I know she left the house while I was working out and when I was done I found her zoned out in the bathroom. She couldn't/wouldn't even talk. I noticed when I went to use the bathroom while she napped that there were pregnancy tests in the trash can. I knew what they looked like, hell my wife and I have four babies. I wanted to peek to see what they said but at the same time I didn't want to invade my best friend's privacy. I don't know if she wanted me to know or what the test said. When Ro called it was then that I realized I had been there all day with Crys. Crystal was on her way back to sleep when Ro called, so I went home to my family. I spent time with my family playing with them. Crystal was heavy on my mind though.