A slow memory

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I always forget I had my first

Kiss, when I saw it coming but never did

Embrace, when my mind lagged behind

Date, when I was awkward and unsure

All of it fades into a memory

Slotted away with useless things

And slowly, I learn

—as time passes and I grew older

More unsure and sure about love—

I never had love

Those few consecutive moments

Didn't carve a mark on my heart

My walls were still all up

And I didn't know... anything

It was more than just not having fireworks

It wasn't knowing him

So maybe I can't cross those moments out

But I'll fold them away, into the library of the lost

And ready myself for a real first

With real love

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