**D1, Be the ONE! We are ZEROBASEONE!***
After debut, idol life is just getting started, and it's our time to bloom.
And so are the challenges...living in a dorm with eighteen people could never go wrong, right? Especially not with some love triang...
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Our very first performance as Zerobaseone was approaching fast, and it would be sooner than our debut date. We had been chosen to perform at Kcon Japan, and our entire group was buzzing with anticipation and nerves.
As we deboarded the plane, we were met by hordes of fans and paparazzi , and it still surprised me how many people were invested in us and our upcoming debut. I waved and nodded at them in passing, trying to be friendly but swift in my escape through clicking cameras and screaming people.
In front of me, I saw Gio leading the younger girls to the security guards, a few of our fans were getting a little too crazy with our maknaes. Behind her shoulder, Gio gave me a worried frown, she pointed at little Choonhae who looked like she was about to cry, despite Yujin and Ricky hovering around her. I hurried past Matthew and Jiwoong, approaching the girls in front of Gio. Her black hair was shiny today, even more so in the flashing lights around us. It caught the light and soared.
I put my arms around Choonhae and Jisoo, guiding them through the crowd. I smiled at the cameras but ushered them through quickly. They could barely keep up, but I felt the waves of relief reaching me. I also spotted the grateful look Giovanna shot me. A pang inside of me twirled with longing and a certain sadness.
Despite everything, I still cared. And I had tried not to. Oh man, I had tried. But the girl was a magnet.
Now living together, I realized it was a futile thing to even try and attempt to forget about Beom Giovanna.
I know it wasn't fair to Bongcha and to whatever it was we shared. I also knew it wasn't what I wanted.
The days after the fight had crept by on slow waves of torture. And now, the hope I once had, the faith I once cherished, that one day we would find each other again was buried six feet deep. There was a hole in my chest, and it gaped. I felt it as I walked through the airport corridors and ushered the girls into the first black van. Like it was a living, breathing thing inside of me.
We had fallen into a steady friendship. It wasn't what I wanted or needed. At the same time, all I wanted and needed was just to be close to her somehow. It cut me even deeper, being near her and not having her love.
Then, one dreary evening, she appeared suddenly. I had never given her much attention before, even though I had noticed her appreciative glances thrown my way. Bongcha had offered me a drink in that bar downtown. As we shared a cab back to the Academy, she had made her move on me. It might have been the alcohol I had consumed that night, but all I craved was a touch. Just one caress of somebody caring, even if it was just for the night.
I accepted it. It was the start of something entirely new. Foreign even. I had been so used to Gio's colors that all others were just grey to me. Bongcha had offered a certain solace, something I had never thought I could find again.
And even now, as my thoughts roamed to Gio, I felt ridiculous. We hadn't even been in a relationship. I hadn't shared her bed or kissed those beautiful lips. Yet, the things we had shared had been deep.
Bongcha and I had fallen into a friends-with-benefits thing soon. On her end, she wanted it to be more. I...
I just wanted things that weren't for me.
She wasn't Gio. It wasn't explosive, all-consuming, soul-eating love. I didn't feel the need to ravish anyone, to claim and obsess. I didn't taste strawberries and chocolates when I kissed Bongcha's lips. My soul wouldn't sing, but it would probably never sing again.
With Bongcha, my feelings pebbled like a flat rock skipping over a calm lake.
It was a band-aid on a wound I should not be healing from.
Yet, for now, it brought a respite from the bleeding. It offered a glimmer of survival in a world where the songs in my heart had fallen silent. And so, I clung to it, hoping that time would eventually heal the scars left by unrequited love.
As the van navigated through the city, my gaze fixed on the passing lights, my mind lost in a sea of thoughts and emotions. The road ahead seemed uncertain, but I resolved to find solace in the present and embrace the fragments of happiness I could grasp. In the depths of my heart, a tiny ember flickered, a reminder that even amidst the darkness, there was still a chance for healing and a glimmer of hope for a future where love would find its way back to me.
