Star Planet II - Zerobaseone Added Members

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Home Is You

I remembered the date.

I woke up early today, acutely aware of the significance of the date. As someone still grappling with grief, I understood the importance of reflecting on memories, especially on days like this. Silently slipping out of bed, a feat considering Yujin's ability to wake up at the slightest sound, I embarked on a mission to prepare his mother's tteokbokki, accompanied by a side of homemade spicy kimchi. It was a dish I hoped would bring some solace on the day of his mother's passing.

We had to be at the studio by ten, so not too early today, which was perfect. The first group of nine had left at six, so there would not be too many people present for my surprise. I didn't want everyone to know about Yujin's mom, considering he had only told me about it in confidence, like I didn't want everyone to know about mine.

With a pang of realization, the grief hit me in the stomach again. 

I would never see her again. 

She will never see me perform as an idol.

Pushing past the tears, I continued working, and focusing on the tasks at hand did help. My stomach growled, reminding me of my missed dinner last night and the fact I had been literally starving. I hadn't touched a carb in weeks and seeing those delicious rice sticks made my mouth water. But I needed to be strong. I was almost at the target weight, and after that, I would stop.

"Trouble, what are you doing here so early? And why does it smell so good?" Ricky groaned as he approached me in his low-hung grey jogging pants. He had no shirt on. I had to do a double take and blink twice. This should be illegal.

His sleepy face, with the mussy hair and bedroom eyes, should also be prison time.

"Making something for Yujin," I murmured and quickly refocused on the task at hand before I burned the place down. We couldn't have two fires in the same kitchen, now could we?

"What did he do to deserve this?" Ricky groaned, crossing his arms and leaning against the kitchen counter next to me. His brown eyes bored into the side of my head as he observed my every move. I could see Ricky didn't believe me, but he still dropped the subject and continued to stare at me.

"Just... because... he likes this," I stammered, sensing Ricky's disbelief, yet grateful that he dropped the subject and continued to scrutinize me silently.

Wiping the sweat from my brow, I continued stirring the pot, trying to distract myself from the tangled emotions brewing within. The aroma of the tteokbokki filled the air, making my stomach growl even louder, a reminder of my own hunger.

"Why are you up so early? Either you missed the first group and are now very late, or you're in my group, and you're very early..." I struggled to recall which group Ricky was assigned to for the day. With so many schedule changes and members to keep track of, it was nearly impossible to remember everyone's whereabouts. My focus was usually on Billie, Yujin, and Bongcha for obvious reasons. I actively avoided the latter, as if she were carrying the actual plague.

"I'm in your group, trouble," Ricky swiped a finger through my damp bangs. They must be sticking to my forehead from the heat of the pan. His hand lingered next to my ear, and at that very second, a very grumpy and disoriented Yujin appeared in the wild.

"Where were you?" he whispered with a voice heavy with sleep. His posture indicated a mounting rage, his breaths deep and deliberate. His fist were clenched to his sides. He was dressed in his usual dark grey jogging pants and a slightly worn white shirt, the collar hung loose, nearly slipping off one shoulder.

Ricky, the troublemaker that he was, stepped closer to me and smirked at Yujin. "Trouble is making me breakfast."

A total lie.

A very misplaced joke.

One that fell totally flat, because Yujin had a bad morning temper, and today of all days, he couldn't handle even the littlest insult.

"I... I just can't deal with this right now!" Yujin snapped, his face turning red with fury. "God, Jjingi... I-"

He growled, abruptly turning on his heel and storming toward our modest bathroom with purposeful strides. I hurriedly followed, not caring who I woke or that the tteokbokki in the kitchen was likely on the verge of burning. This was serious, and everything seemed to be falling apart.

"Yujin, wait! Please!"

He tried to close the white door in my face, but I stopped it right on time, slipping into the bathroom and closing it behind me. In the harsh bathroom light, Yujin clearly looked like he had been crying. The dark circles under his eyes were almost grey. He leaned on the sink he usually used with the guys, breathing heavily.

"Hey... are you okay?" I said while I approached him, placing a hand on his back.

"Don't!" he snapped and pulled away from me.

"Yujin!" I heaved, almost in tears, "Don't be like this. You don't understand!"

"You were gone!" he screamed, and now tears were finally flowing. Like the floodgates had opened, and finally, he could release all he had been holding in. "I looked for you... in our bed.... and you were gone!"

He paced around the tiny room, from the shower back to the sink, crying. And I couldn't catch him. I hesitated again and again as I approached and stepped back. I felt my heart shattering. I hated this more than anything. My entire body vibrated with the worry I felt.

"Yujin, I wasn't gone... I was-"

"YOU WERE GONE!! AND SO IS SHE! YOU WERE GONE LIKE SHE IS!" his voice broke, and finally he stood still. His eyes WERE tilted to the floor, and thick drops slid over his cheeks. He couldn't possibly work today. I would call Lux and explain to her that Yujin would need a sick day. Fuck Hannah and that insane schedule.

"I was not gone, Yujin." Now, I did approach. I stepped into his personal space with my heart in my throat. His familiar clover scent engulfed me and it made me realize how well I knew him. How safe I felt in his presence. Always. 

I reached for his cheeks and turned his head up. He stared down his nose at me with less hatred than before. Something returned to those eyes, and I saw him waking up from whatever that was.

"I was not gone... and I am not going anywhere," I whispered while my thumbs wiped away some of his tears. "I was in the kitchen preparing your mother's tteokbokki, because she is also not gone. Not really. She is here with you, Yujin. Every day and every step of the way."

And just like that, his lips were on mine, his hands entangled in my hair.

If I could describe the feeling of finally giving in to something that has been lingering underneath the surface for so long, I could only describe this as free falling, with all the butterflies in the world rushing towards the same abyss I was thundering down towards. 

Would someone be there to catch me? At the end? I was not sure, but I would give anything for this feeling again and again.

The kiss was wild, passionate as if we existed in a world filled with stars. Never before had I been kissed like this, and if this was what love truly felt like, then it surpassed all my expectations. 

I have never truly been kissed at all, if this was what love and falling truly was. And it must be.

This must be it.

Love.

Wasn't it this?

A feeling of finally coming home, being home, intertwined with the paralyzing fear of never being able to find another home again, if he wasn't there.