I hate you...

Chapter 6

Aiden White

The shower has been off for at least 10 minutes now, yet I'm still not sure if I want to risk seeing Max. I feel bad for not wanting to see him, but I really have to figure things out right now. The things that I've been thinking about him just aren't normal. I shouldn't be thinking things like that for someone that isn't my girlfriend. I shouldn't be thinking things like for a man...

Whatever, he should be out of the bathroom by now. I grab my towel and head toward the bathroom. As I turn into the open bathroom door I see him. God damn.

"What the fuck," I say startling him

He turns his whole, bare, body towards me, "What do you mean what the fuck? I'm the one who just got walked in on."

"I wasn't expecting you to be in the bathroom 15 minutes after you turned off the shower," I say trying to keep my sight at eye level

"Well sorry, but I usually do my skincare routine after my shower," he replies

"Naked!?"

"Well usually there isn't someone who barges in on me while I'm in the bathroom"

"It's not barging in if you had the door wide open"

"Okay, whatever," he says slightly bitterly

"Can you get out, and please put on a towel," I ask but this time I can't keep my head up

God damn indeed.

Catching me he replies with his smug grin, "Am I making you uncomfortable..?"

He slowly walks closer to me.

As his chiseled body inches closer to me I can feel myself start to redden.

He reaches towards my chest and traces his hand up towards my cheek.

All I could do was watch in awe...

until it was too much for me.

I grabbed his arm and whipped him out the door, quickly slamming it after.

I angrily strip out of my clothes and put on my playlist.

Hopping into the shower I turn the water to scolding heats. I stand there as everything finally hits me. I sink into myself. My head sinks between my knees while I sit there and sob. All of these emotions, thoughts, feelings. I can't take them anymore.

What is wrong with me?

Why?

Why.

Why couldn't I keep my eyes up? Why couldn't I just keep eye contact? Why did he have to come closer? Why did he have to touch me? Why did I enjoy it?

Too many questions bounced off the walls of my brain. Each thought felt like I had just gotten hit with a baseball bat.

I can't like Max.
I can't like boys.

When my tear ducts are empty I finally start to wash myself.

I usually love to shower. I love being clean, but no matter how hard I scrub now... I can't help but feel dirty.

Max Steller

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I really fucked this up. I can hear his sobs. Even his music can't drown it out.

With every one of his teardrops, I feel more and more shitty.

What was I thinking?

Come on Max.

You should've known. You got way way ahead of yourself. I mean come on, you've only been on good terms for less than a day. You can't just make a move like that and expect anything but someone to freak out.

You're always doing shit like this. You let yourself get carried away with shit, serious shit.

...

He's in his room now, but he's crying again.

How do I say sorry? Do I even say sorry? I mean what if he hates me?

No

It doesn't matter. What I did was wrong and I need to apologize.

Maybe I should go buy him something...

...

Aiden White

*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

I snooze my alarm for the third time.

I feel kind of refreshed. I mean better than last night. God that was so stupid. I'm so stupid. Honestly, that wasn't even a big deal. I don't think that he meant anything by it, it was a joke.

I shouldn't have spiraled into that whole thing about... it. I mean I like girls and that's all that matters.

Even though I'm saying all this I don't really feel truly okay with myself and my feelings. I tried to gaslight myself into not making things seem like a big deal, but I know that I'm not completely okay with everything.

Whatever, it's time to get up.

Moving around in the dark my foot hits something near my door.

A basket

I flick on the lights to see the basket with various of my favorite snacks, chocolates, candies, as well as campus merch, and a stuffed tiger. In the front and center of the basket, is a handwritten note.

I guess I can read it...

"Aiden,

I'm sorry. I went too far in the bathroom. I should have thought about what I was doing and how it was affecting you. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I think I just got carried away with our rekindled friendship. Not that that's any excuse for what I did. I pushed your boundaries and I'm sorry, I hope that you can forgive me. As your roommate, and hopefully your friend, I will do my best to respect you, your needs, and your boundaries. I completely understand if you don't forgive me right away, or ever, so don't feel pressured to. Again, I'm really sorry Aiden.

Love,
Max"