Spider-Man & Co Oneshots

Is this not the end of his line? - Part 1 of 2

MASSIVE TW - This one covers the topic of suicide - slightly more specifically, by jumping off of a bridge. Please, please, please don't read this if you believe it will effect you in any way mentally.

Ships: Iron Dad and Spidey Son

The story please narrator.

You would think that at 2:25AM on a freezing night that Peter would be wrapped under more than his fair share of blankets whilst sleeping. Unfortunately not. The problem isn't just that he simply cannot sleep. All that Peter hears in his head is how he is no longer fit to live. I mean, why would he be?

Nothing feels like it is worth carrying on for anyway. He feels that Ned and MJ are tired of him and his voice so he's vowed to be quieter and a little more withdrawn from them. May works more and more because he's too much to look after and the fact that that she doesn't love really love him anymore so she works more to get away. Whenever he sees Happy, he always seems a little irritated at him, with it getting worse more recently. He shoves up the visor with a heavy sigh and a roll of the eyes that Peter always catches. As for Tony, well, why would he want some overly talkative burden of a teenager who is a charity case.

Maybe Flash has been right all along. Maybe Ned and MJ aren't really Peter's friends. Maybe May does want rid of him. Maybe Mr Stark does really see him as a poor orphan who sees him as charity and a good publicity stunt. Maybe he should just continue walking to Ed Koch Queensboro bridge (59th Street bridge) and make himself just disappear from now on.

Turning up his music and putting his phone in his jeans pocket, he drug his feet along the cold and damp ground, just taking in his last little bit of his time he is allowing himself. Nothing seems to matter anymore other than all of his emotions that have been building up for Asgard knows how long. Peter wanted it to end and it happens tonight. No matter what. Step by step, he get closer to his end. The closer he got, the more mixed his feelings got. He was calm and at peace, happy to accept what he was about to do - tmyet for some reason his stomach churned at the thought of doing it. Was he actually starting to regret going to do this? Maybe, maybe not. No matter how he felt - be it anxiety, panic or absolute calm and acceptance - he keeps walking.

After a while of walking, Peter realizes that he hasn't actually been walking towards 59th Street bridge but instead, aimlessly around Queens as a whole. Maybe he doesn't really want this. I mean, he doesn't not want it - but he's indifferent about it now. He needs to stop and get his thoughts in order so he goes to one of the closest places to him - a McDonald's just on the other side of the road.

Sitting down with a small cup of water - one of the few things he could get with the loose change he had found in the pocket of his hoodie - he pulls his phone out of his hoodie and starts mindlessly staring at it. Is it worth the effort of moving his fingers to change anything on the screen? Pete asks himself as he lets his head collapse into his arms, letting the arm and hand holding the phone to lay on the table too.

Whilst laying there, he started silently sobbing to himself. Has his life really gotten that bad? Does he feel like he has nowhere to go? Why is he doubting himself? He shouldn't be here anymore - he's more of a burden than anyone could fathom. But what if someone does care? How could they? Why would they? How does Pete feel? Sad? Lonely? Isolated? Calm? Guilt? When is comes to the last few emotional questions, the answer is that he feels all of them - the others however, depend on the individual question I suppose. But one thing for sure is that he feels cold, alone, tired and like he needs someone to talk to. Problem is, Peter doesn't feel like he deserves anyone's time.

Warmth. More specifically, a warm arm around his side, pulling him into someone. Maybe he wasn't as alone as he believed.

Fin.

Words: 697

A/N: I understand that I can't force you or stop you from doing anything but I hope I can encourage you to talk, text or write to someone. Below, I will list one or two places you can go to seek advice, do not hesitate whatsoever to message me either. I'm not trained as a mental health professional at all and where I work has no relation to the subject either. It's ok if you just want a casual chat to get your mind away from things or if you want to get right to it. My insta is @sleepy_pan.duh - or just message me here.

Samaritans: 116 123 to call or go to their site for other options

Childline: 0800 1111 they also have a website

Other things/places/people to go to are only a quick internet search away.

You make everything so much better my sunshine, thank you so much for still being around. May you feel as if you're getting a well deserved hug that warms you to your core. <3