Spider-Man & Co Oneshots

Caffeine Generated Spider Part One (1) of Two (2)

TW: Swearing, mentionings of potential cannibalism, high levels of caffeine intake, tranquilization or being drugged
Ships:  Some Iron Dad, Spider-Son and Baby Spider/Mama Spider

Somebody had made a mistake. By someone the author means Thor. You see, everybody was sensible enough to keep their beloved spider away from caffeinated coffee, any form of energy drink and anything that has caffeine in it. Thor didn't know anything about this rule though. He let the Man of Spiders try one when everyone else was out on a mission in the Bahamas. Oh, and Pepper was over in Italy for the week on business. Peter was told to stay back and watch over Queens and the tower during all of this - whilst Thor had only gotten back from Asgard a couple of hours after they left to watch over Peter. Both did as told. Until the last half-day.

Now an hour had passed since he started chugging coffee and the kid has gone caffeine crazy. He loved all the coffee Thor let him have that he had to try Monster energy drinks now. So the pair went out and bought two of every Monster flavour/variant that they could find. Alongside some cheaper energy drinks that they could find. Once returning to the tower, they had their fair share of the Monsters and Peter had most - if not all - of the cheaper ones. Only thing is that Thor was a God and could handle the six cans of Monster (three litres) he had as well as anybody else but the young spiderling had well over ten litres worth of the drink in total. Meaning he had consumed more than enough caffeine to kill a good three horses.

By this point, Thor had taken cover due to Peter doing Odin knows what. But luckily for him, unluckily for them, the rest of the Avengers + Co is back and out of armour (courtesy of the trip back). Thor went running into the quinjet before the door had even opened fully, scaring the others inside because he had done something to their baby spider. And so, all of them present rushed into the living room. Terrified of what they are witnessing, all but Tony back away from the room and run for what could be for their lives. Except for Nat. She had a plan. Even if she was currently running away from the situation like the others.

Tony cautiously entered the room with the kid. Peter noticed the footsteps inching closer to the middle of the room and stopped rocking back and forth hanging onto the singular piece of the web that wasn't bunched up, matting every place possible. It was like web heaven in a sense. His head snapped around and he started crawling on the ceiling towards a Tony who is now borderline wetting himself with fear.

As Peter was demonically crawling around the room, circling Tony, he slowed when he was just above him and webbed himself down just enough to barely be eye-to-eye with each other. Nothing could have prepared Tony for what the kid was about to ask.

"W̵̜͙̲̄̒́͛̊͆̓̉̔Ḫ̴̯̜̗̋̅̆͛̀̐̀̚Ė̷̡̮̝̘̟͙̭̈́̓̇͘̚R̷̛̝͔̮̙̝͉͖̠͎̜̲̪̭̔̈́̎̈͗͂̾̌͠͝E̵̱͉̣̺͙̣͚͔̥̺͎̞̮̰̎̂̊̋̈̀̕͠ ̸̤̠̼̜̘̰̎̏̎́̊̉A̶̡̨̲͖͔̭͚͍̮͎͛͐̋̄̎̊̾̎͛̐̋͑͝Ṛ̷̤͚̱̈́̆̋̀͋̃̈́̋̃̉͝É̷̛̩̭̤̪̙͒̂̊̄̃̚ ̷̢̨̻̦̥͙̟̲̗̳͍͇̟̺̽͋̐̔́̋͌́̓̄̚͝͝͝ͅŢ̶̲̜̦̦̖͚̠̍̏͂̎̍͂̓͗̆͘͜ͅH̴̨̭̜͇̩̺͖̟̫̞̱͎̀͜E̶̡͕̠͙̯̬͈̮̙͎̪̲̜͉͛̃͛̋̈̚͜ ̷̡̢̳̥̖̝̘̲͛͒̏̋̄̀̏̾̄͑͑̍̈́Ç̴̜͎̤͖͉̜̄͆̄̍̒͗́͘͜͝H̸̛̫͎͙̪͙̿̓̊͒̃̀͊̃̆̚͠͝Î̴̻̤̺͖̾͊̈̏́̏͊̚L̴̨̢̨̖͚̦̗̩̗͇̳̄́͊͆́̊̈́̈́̅̅͘͜͝͝͠ͅD̵̩̊̑̾͗̽̒̌̓͌R̵̫̩͙̯̬̼̣̪̫̱͒̈́̑͆̄̂̐̽͌̽͂̋̕͘̕͜ͅĘ̷̬͉̟͎̤̲̀̈́͜Ṇ̴̡̛͚̠̦͇͍̝̠̽̓͐̅͆̓͐̐̚ ̴̧̛̼͚̑͆̿̃͆͌̅̚͝F̵̯̦̭̦̯͖̯̘̫͖̦̖͔͍͆̒̽̅̐̽̈́̄̆̽̿ͅỎ̵̧̧̤̖̪͙͖͓̳̥͈͉̎̚R̸̡̡̢̛̫̺̞̪͖̭̜͆̓́́͛̑̇̄̎͒ ̷̡̡̣͙̼̺͉̼̟̞͎̈̐̿M̷̧̢̛̯̜͇̲̤̬͓̯̝̻̲̬̹̊̕Ė̴̪͙̦̞̋̾͠ ̸̨̢̳̮̘͍͖̳͇͈̏͛T̴̤̩̩͚͎̯̹͛̾͋͒͗͝Ó̶̢̹̟̹̗͕̙̥͔ ̸̛̬͓̙͐̋̎̿̆̋̐̋̑̊͘͝F̴̢̯̙͕̳̪̫̦̩̹͙͖̘̳́̓̈̔Ę̸̛͉͇̰̗̜̹͔͉̜̉̄̉͂͜Ă̸̢̢̨̹̟̫͈͈̮͔̘̘̤͚̈̒̿̅́͗̽͐̚̚Ṡ̴̹̫̳͖̮̪͓͖̠͆̿̃͒̆͘T̸̨̗͎̤͙͕̲͖̘͎̘̝͔̐̿̃̆̀͘͝ ̷̢̥͇̈͗̆̐̌̊̾͐̋͛̋̕̕̚ͅŬ̵̡̲̟̝̀̾̔̔͑̋P̸̡͍̫͔͉͇̻̮̦͎̗͉͍̩̭̀̌̑̈́̊̽͆̒̆̏O̶̧̦̹̰̞͋̅̿̇̉̄̆͒̾N̸̢̡͕͓̱̫̱͙̠͓̪̼̋̈́͒́̈͐?̶̨̼͎̜̯̣͓͙͂̓́̄̃̂̀̆̈́̉̔̏̕͜͝"

(Where are the children for me to feast upon?)

Tony had no idea what else to do. So he did the only logical thing he knew how to do. Take off the cross necklace he wears, hold it in front of him and back himself into the corner.

"WhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHE FUCK?!?!?!"

That was the only thing he was able to say. Or even do. Everything else was paralyzed out of fear, hunched in the corner, shaking and waving the cross at Peter. Alas, Peter was now on the floor crawling to the very fearful man in the corner before he froze. Peter froze and fell to the floor, drowsy but mumbling incoherent things about feasting on something or other and pirates or something. Nat's plan had worked. You see, she had hit Peter with a tranquillizer as he was asking Tony about the children he was to feast upon. She then wisely stayed back to let the drugs do their work. Of which they did.

"You ok there Stark?"

Still trembling as he held out his cross, Tony lifted his head to see the scene in front of him. A mostly unconscious teenager on the floor and an assassin who had quite literally saved his ass in time.

"Y-yeah I am. Thanks, Nat."

"No problem. But you have any idea what could have gotten into him?"

"Go find Thor. I'm 3000% certain he knows what's gotten into the kid by the way he dove into the quinjet."

"See you when I have answers, Tony." Nat stated as she turned back to the jet.

"See you soon, Nat. Now time to put you to bed Underoos."

Even Tony knew that it was going to be a questionable task to get even a non-sedated sleeping Peter to bed. Maybe Pete being sedated would be easier? Would it be harder? Could he accidentally hurt the kid? Nothing like finding out. In the end, he managed to with ease.

As Tony tucked Pete into his bed, covered in an Iron Man bedspread (that Tony himself had gotten him - who wouldn't want that) Nat was walking down the hall. Obviously he'd taken the liberty of getting the teenager out of his jeans and shirt and into the Black Widow pyjamas that Nat had gotten him as a joke gift once - he didn't want the kid to be uncomfortable. Just as he pulls the covers up and leaves a fatherly kiss on the kid's forehead, Nat walks in with an explanation.

Words: 918

A/N:

Yes there is a part two (2) to this. I did write it all in one go and it ended up being over 2k words long so I thought it be best to split into multiple parts to make it more interesting in a way. Love you all 3000. <3