Experts consider separation from birth parents – even as an infant – as a traumatic event. Therefore, every adopted child experiences early trauma in at least one form. Adoption specialists point out that adoptees often feel anger in response to being given away by birth parents, feeling like second class citizens, and feeling unworthy of having anything good happen to them.
Adoptees are statistically known to be more at risk for mental health problems, both due to the initial trauma and genetics. Mental health issues may also be prevalent in biological parents, who have suffered their own traumas, which are then genetically passed on to the child.
Often, our initial reaction to this fear is to push with all of our might away from the rawest parts of ourselves. Pushing is a protective mechanism for the person of adoption. The adoptees may feel as if they don't fit in or belong with their new families. They may wonder if their new name and identity are truly indicative of who they are. These identity issues are especially true of interracial adoptions. Race brings another layer of confusion to identity formation in adopted children. When children look nothing like their new families, they may feel even more fragmented and misplaced.
Once again, children in closed adoptions suffer more intensely from identity issues. Even if they fit in with their adoptive family, they grapple with a loss of identity because they don't know anything about their origins. Self-esteem is closely related to identity, abandonment, and a sense of belonging. Children placed in adoptions often feel a sense of not being enough since they were "given away" by their birth parents. This sense of inadequacy leaves them with a weak core at the center of their self-image.
The ability to build intimate relationships is directly tied to abandonment and self-esteem issues. The perception of abandonment leads to difficulty in trusting other people. Adopted children may feel like they can't trust anybody and that everyone will end up leaving them. They may see themselves as unlovable or unworthy of attention and commitment. As a consequence, they may find it challenging to build and tolerate intimacy with the people in their lives. The fear of abandonment rears its head and leads them to sabotage relationships and drive others away before they can leave.
The impact of maltreatment in childhood is long-lasting and does not go away just by placement with a new family. These children may need psychological counseling to help tackle such issues and identify possible mental health disorders. Thus, this is why it is important for prospective adoptive parents to take trauma informed parenting classes prior to the adoption
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Dear Renisha: Turning Trauma Into Triumph
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