𝘋𝘳𝘶𝘨 𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯

12

𝘛𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢 𝘈𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘪 𝘑𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴
𝘋𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘴, 𝘛𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘴

I know people have been worried about me. I called the suicide hotline because I was really contemplating taking my own life for a while.

I couldn't take life anymore. I have nothing to live for. Nobody to live for.

Being alone in a world full of people was too depressing. I couldn't keep living that way.

I sat in my bed room cutting and popping pills dry. I was going downstairs for my last meal.

I knew it was over for me. I took more than 10 pills and I cut so much that I wouldn't stop bleeding.

I was ready to give up.

I would've told everyone but I didn't want them to worry about me too much.

I ended up getting checked into a psych ward for a couple weeks.

I attempted suicide while I was there and I was having many episodes. So they kept me longer.

They ran many tests on me and they found that I had clinical depression, separation anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, and anxiety disorder.

They recommended me some meds too. They made sure I took them and they actually did help. Usually I would pop a perc when I started to feel these emotions.

After I got out of there, I went to a rehabilitation hospital. I realized, I have to change my life around.

I could not sit here down and unhappy with life forever.

Doing all of this alone was something I did not want but I couldn't contact any one. I stayed up some nights wondering if I had died.

I wonder how everyone is doing?

How everyone is feeling?

How Hayleigh is doing?

How Sekani is doing?

Have they been thinking about me?

But I had to do this, I had to get better for them and when I get the chance to call, I will.

I just started getting my privileges. Being here actually has been very good except some minor things.

My lashes haven't been done in a while, my nails haven't been done in a while, and my hair hasn't been done in a while.

I'm so happy i'm doing better though. I had to do it.

"Ms. Jones." I heard my name.

I went to see what they wanted and they granted me a phone call. I was so happy.

I dialed Sekani number and it went straight to voicemail. So I called Hayleigh.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hey Leigh."

"Get the fuck! Tashara! Tashara, how you doing? Where you at? You okay? We were so worried about you."

"I'm doing good. I'm in rehab. I decided to do better for myself and you guys. I was in the psych ward for a few weeks now i'm here. They told me I'll be leaving soon."

"Thank God. We were so worried about you this past month and a half. Quan broke his phone and everything. We miss you."

I miss y'all too. I'm sorry it was so abruptly but at the last minute I realized. I'll tell you everything when I get out."

"Okay. So girl lemme tell you- oh he here? Hollon somebody wanna talk to you."

"Hello? Tashara?" I heard Sekani's voice. I miss his sweet calm deep voice.

"Hey Marquan."

"Where you at? Need me to come pick you up?"

"No I'm in rehab. I miss you and I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly."

"Oh. So you didn't think to just calmly say you're going to rehab?"

"I'll explain when I get out. I get out next week. I'll explain everything and I'll answer any question you ask."

"Alright, please just don't let it happen again. I was so worried about you. I don't know what I would have done if I had lost you."

I smiled at his statement. It made me feel like me and him had a secure bond.

"It wont happen again."

"Amani.." Middle name basis????

"Yea?"

"I love you. Like actually love. I developed a bond with you that I've never had with another person."

"I love you too Marquan."

After getting off the phone it was dinner time.

Him telling me he loves me never left my mind the whole night.