𝒞𝓁𝒶𝓇𝒾𝓉𝓎'𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝒹ℯ𝒶𝓉𝒽 （𝒜 𝒸𝒽ℯ𝓃𝒻ℴ𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓊）

Chapter two: They see right through me

A/N: Hi loves this is chapter two, this chapter is set a month and a half after the events of the first chapter. This part contains mentions of sexual assault, depression, and ptsd,  if any of these thing trigger you, I do not suggest reading. Title is lyrics from The archer by Taylor Swift. Enjoy loves>3

....
January 10th, a month and a half later..

Darkness, ceilings, and silence had become a staple in Lucy Chen's life, mourning the pieces of herself she could never get back,and everyone was sick of it. Her mother was sick of her lack of motivation to do anything at all, her father was tired of not knowing how to help, she was sure her friends were tired of her isolation, and Tim likely hates her again, they got so close that night, and then Pierson screwed it all up. She lied in her bed, staring mindlessly up at her celling, what time even was it? She thought about it, and realized she didn't even know what day it was, and part of her didn't care either.

All she felt was pain, both physical and mental, everything simply hurt. She felt filthy on top of that, it didn't matter how many times she showered, how hard she scrubbed her skin it didn't erase the fact she was raped, and it certainly didn't erase how completely powerless she still felt, he did this to her, and he faced no consequences. She remembered how last week, and the week before, and the week before that she spoke to countless doctors, and cops, and the the school board trying to get someone, anyone to hold him accountable for what he did to her, but no one did. It was always, "he's just a kid who made a mistake, we don't want to ruin his life." As if he hadn't ruined hers last month, when he decided that he'd corner her, strangle her, and then rape her, and the cops decided that the evidence was still being processed which had absolutely nothing to do with the fact his uncle is a cop, more like he was being bailed out.  And she hated it.

Lucy hadn't been sure what time it was since she didn't sleep even at night, she'd occasionally pass out from exhaustion, but she was roused by nightmares every single time, so she gave up trying, and spent all of her time staring mindlessly at the ceiling in her room, while drowning her thoughts out with music, until her body gave up and passed out on her again, she started having flashbacks which undoubtedly ended in a major panic attack each time, or the dirty feeling which was a feeling she couldn't seem to get off got to much, and she went to take her 5th shower of the day, today however she guessed it was at least 10am because her father came into her room, which he was usually the one to speak to her, since anytime she talked with her mother it ended in a screaming match, at least not everything changed. "Lucy, sweetie, you're appointment is in an hour. You need to get ready." Her dad said, in his gentle therapist voice which was the only tone she heard now. She sat up, whipping her eyes before sitting up. "Okay dad." She muttered, not wanting to have the conversation she knew was coming, but instead he just looked at her for a few moments, and then lightly shut the door behind himself, almost afraid if he shut it too hard, she'd break, like glass she'd shatter on the floor beyond repair.

She'd mostly left her mirror covered, she couldn't bare to look at her reflection, or more so the bruises on her neck while they healed, and though the bruised faded she still couldn't seem to breathe. She uncovered the mirror for a moment, just to get a good look at herself. She stared at her reflection for a good 5 minutes, and she noticed how different she looked, how a smile use to be plastered on her face, was long gone, the light that use to live in her honey brown eyes had died leaving only emptiness in them. She forced her eyes away from the mirror, and grabbed her stuff before getting in the shower. The water ran down her body, momentarily washing away the dirty feeling she felt that clung to her body,she learned to keep her eyes closed when washing the lower part of her body, though like her neck it wasn't bruised anymore down there, but she still could feel his hands on her, touching her in a way that stripped her of any remaining power she still contained, but for whatever reason she forced her eyes open, forced herself to look at herself, there was still light bruising spread down there, she knew it was there but still the sight brought her to tears almost instantly.

She didn't cry, everyone already thought she was going to fall apart, already could see right through her into her broken soul, she refused to cry in front of them, which was why she locked herself in her room, isolating herself from everyone. She didn't have the energy to break in front of anyone, didn't have the energy try to hide how broken she felt. No one could see her here, they couldn't see what she saw, couldn't see the bruises on her, couldn't see the scars that would never heal, and she didn't feel like she'd be okay ever again. She let out a sob, as the water flowed down her body. She couldn't do it anymore, couldn't hold herself together and collapsed against the shower wall sobbing harder, and it became harder to breathe, feeling it, feeling his hand wrap around her neck, his hands go down her skirt, and grab her, touch her, and she couldn't do it anymore. Jumping out of the shower she threw up what was left of the little food she ate the day before, as she continued to sob and gasp for air. She'd never wanted to be dead more in her life.

Days went by slower, but somehow faster for Lucy, and went the same every day. She laid in her room isolated from everyone, drowning out the sound of her own thoughts, so days when her appointments were with her therapist were always the worst. She didn't particularly like being out of the house, or around people at all terrified that someone would hurt her again, and she definitely didn't like talking about what happened to her, it was bad enough she had to relive it daily, she didn't want to talk about it too. She opened her window which had been a very rare occurrence as well, and decided to stare out it, it was the beginning of January, but the California sun still shined down on her skin through the glass, streets, houses and boasting people the usual neighborhood, her eyes had remained glued on the house across the road from theirs, but more so on the boy who stood in the front yard doing nothing in particular, but she couldn't sworn his eyes winter blue eyes had been focused on her house, or maybe she was just hoping he was looking out of habit. She didn't know what happened after she'd passed out, had no idea who found her, or how she got to the hospital, the last thing she remembered before was the filling of Tim Bradford's arm around her body, pulling her in, dancing with her, his icy blue eyes stuck on her from the moment he walked in, and how it went from the best night of her life, to the worst.

For a moment she just stood there in the window staring at the boy who she was so sure he hated her, that's how it always had been right? She was just Genny's annoying little friend he barely noticed, and he was either the guy she had a crush on forever, or the Tim Bradford who was a complete jerk that she couldn't stand, but now it was different. The way the look in his eyes softened that night, like he was finally comfortable enough to soften up that night, he let her see that part of him, except now she felt like he could see right through her, and it terrified her.  She looked at him, searching for any trace of the boy she danced with, searching for something to hang onto, but instead his eyes met hers, and he stared into her eyes in a way that made her feel so raw, because he knew, his eyes knew exactly what she was going through.

He sees right through me, they all see right through me..