𝒞𝓁𝒶𝓇𝒾𝓉𝓎'𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝒹ℯ𝒶𝓉𝒽 （𝒜 𝒸𝒽ℯ𝓃𝒻ℴ𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓊）

Chapter ten: The cuts were never equal

A/N: this chapter is set exactly after the previous chapter, I promise this is the last chapter set in the same day. Because of the topics mentioned in the previous chapters trigger warning for mentions of suicide, self harm, sexual assault, and depression. I would also like to thank you for getting this story too 2k reads! As always enjoy>3

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The noises made it impossible for her to relax. The constant beeping, kept her on edge no matter how hard Tim tried to keep her relaxed, nonetheless she still laid in his arms, with her head on his chest instead of anywhere remotely close to the pillow, watching as he ran his fingers through her chestnut hair. Her head pounded, and her ears rang, everything just hurt so bad, and she was sure he probably thought she was even more fucked up now, he didn't say a single word to her, and neither did she. Not after he apologized for snapping at her, and she broke down sobbing because he didn't know hate her, but she hated herself so fucking much. "Baby?" he whispered softly into her hair, she didn't know when exactly the tears started pooling down her cheeks. "You shouldn't be here." She said, weakly as she silently began crying again. "Princess, I understand if you're upset with me, but I'm not leaving you by yourself, and your dad doesn't seem like the best person right now."

He was so sweet, and it absolutely killed her, because she didn't deserve it. She was so fucked up, why was he not treating her like she was? Why was he just laying there holding her, and calling her princess, looking at her like she was his entire world, after she ignored his calls because she couldn't stand to speak to another person. "No you should be mad at me. You should hate me, I'm so fucked up. Why don't you hate me? I don't deserve this." she said in a panic state, as she pulled herself out of his arms, and sat up, watching how sad he looked when she did so. "You didn't do anything wrong though." He stated in a matter of fact way, but his voice was still so sad, and she was so angry for it. "How didn't I though? You're here wasting your time on me yet again because I got fucked up because I can't handle being inside my own body."

Undoubtedly his heart shattered into a million pieces, how could she possibly be punishing herself? She'd spent the past three hours in his arms, she had been too calm , he should've known that wouldn't last long after she sobered up, because there wasn't any way that she was in a decent headspace if she spent the night doing anything she could to stop thinking. "Because you've never tried to hurt anyone a day in your life, and it kills me that the only person who you aren't kind too is the one who deserves it most." He whispered softly, as he sat up next to Lucy. "Stop saying that." she choked out, and he wrapped his arm around her body. "No, because I'm not going to stand for anyone hurting you, including yourself princess." was what came out of his lips, instead of what he actually wanted to say, was that he didn't care what she thought she deserved, he didn't care if she thought she was the worst person in the world, because she was still his perfection even broken, he loved her.

The more he tried to comfort her, the worse it hurt, because she'd had hurt him too, she knew she did. She knew he breathed into her hair because she smelled of tequila, she knew she was a drunken mess and she probably just reminded him of his dad, she'd done nothing but hurt him, so she couldn't let herself be comforted, not when she wanted to rip her skin off her bones, worst of all she still wanted something to make her stop feeling because she was still feeling the exact same as she was earlier that day. "I deserve it." she muttered under her breath, as she silently sobbed after her third attempt of pushing him away didn't work, instead she laid back on her side, tears streaming down her face as his arm remained around her waist, gently rubbing her forehead with his thumb as her body trembled. "You don't deserve any of this. What happened to you was not your fault. We aren't our scars Lucy."

We aren't our scars, that was the first thing that stuck. It was so real, so blunt. He creased her forehead. Her head was pounding, which she couldn't exactly tell if it was from the hangover or the mental distress. "I'm not saying they don't hurt, it'll hurt a little forever is what I learned." He whispered, as another hand went back to her hair, curling his fingers in it. "At some point though you've gotta to realize that just you can't keep punishing yourself for what happened." he continued to say, as she cried without a single sound escaping her lips. "My flesh is a punishment it itself though. It's so excruciating to be stuck in my skin, I have no room." She whispered moments later, as she gave in holding onto his arms which weren't wrapped around her body nearly tight enough. "Well make room then baby." he said, before kissing the top of her head, and she almost felt comforted.