The ABCs of Managing your Daycare attendant. (Sun/MoonXReader)

Programming

"I can just feel a lot of old anxieties coming back up. I was doing so much better, but now I'm scared to leave the daycare and I'm scared to show up to work. I'm worried that my classes are going to start suffering and that I'm going to waste the chance that I have to continue my education." You rambled, your voice going watery at the end.

You were curled up on your couch, you had decided to go home for a few days at Sun and Moon's insistence that you might have needed some space. Their exact words were that they were worried about you, and that just broke your heart. After everything that they had been dealing with, they didn't need to worry about you on top of everything.

"Your worries are understandable, I imagine that everything that happened would put a lot of the coping mechanisms that we have been practicing to the test, were you able to use any of them?" Your therapist Dr. Tesha Morgan asked, pushing up her glasses on the small screen of your phone. Tela-health was really the only way you had managed to start seeing a therapist to begin with, but you really liked Dr. Morgan. She was kind and compassionate but could be firm when reminding you to make appointments, do your affirmations, and practice your coping mechanisms.

"No, I...I didn't, not until a few days later. I kinda forgot...It's just been a lot. Like, my boyfriends were...really starting to get worried about me, I've been having nightmares almost every night and it's...it's stupid I know it is, but I feel guilty that there worrying about me...like they have a right to worry about me while I'm...not feeling my best, but I see them worrying and feeling upset and wanting to make me feel better and it just makes me feel worse, then they feel worse and then I feel worse and it's just..." You trail off, stopping yourself before you could say that you were ruining everything, because you knew she wouldn't entertain that language.

"Okay, so that's a lot of feelings there, so let's break it down into two parts. First How Would your boyfriends feel, as individuals about all of that? Have you talked to them about this...I guess ouroboros would be a good word for it. The snake eating its own tail. This cycle you found yourself in where you feel bad, then they feel bad, and then you feel bad."

"I don't know...I Haven't really talked to them about it." You replied, thinking about Sun's warm smile and endless energy, pulling you up off the couch that was in their room and encouraging an endless barrage of activity that left you laughing and breathless distracted for the moment. Then Moon, encouraging you to hold onto him and squeeze his hands tighter as waves of emotion batter against you. He was happy to just sit and cuddle, reading together on the couch until you couldn't stay up anymore, then he would settle in knowing that you were probably going to have a nightmare that night and end up needing him.

"They would probably both agree that I shouldn't feel bad because they were worrying about me." You eventually say, knowing that they would probably have a lot more to say about it than that.

"Okay, would that encourage you to go and talk to them about this, maybe there is a way that they can show their concern in a way that isn't making you feel this way." Dr. Morgan asked as her follow up.

"It's not their fault, it's mine." Was your immediate response, "They shouldn't have to change anything."

"I never said the word fault. It...this isn't a negative thing. You both care for each other, but maybe if you talk about how, you are feeling and how you think they are feeling then you can resolve some tension, because honest I'm wondering if they even feel as bad as you think they do, or if you are taking all the responsibility for everything in the relationship onto yourself again." She said, and you cringed knowing that you had thought that you weren't doing that, but...well you didn't really ask if you were bumming them out...you didn't need to ask you could just tell right?