DRIFTING BACK TO YOU (Exclusive In The VIP Group)

Simula

Simula

Sovereign

Sometimes I get so lost in my thoughts that the faster the memories are rushing in, the harder I step on my car's accelerator.

I could hear Coach Race's voice through my earpiece, but all his words sounded like distorted mumbles because I wasn't in the present moment.

"Slow the fuck down or I'll replace you in the upcoming competition!"

I snapped back into reality when his voice thundered. Napangiwi pa ako sa lakas ng sigaw niya habang binabagalan ko ang takbo ng kotse.

"Alright." I sighed. "Slowing down now. Can I do a few more lapses?"

"No. Training is over."

I licked my lower lip. Binagalan ko na nang husto ang takbo ng kotse ko hanggang sa tuluyang tumigil sa pit stop.

"What the hell was that, Reign?" bungad ni Coach sa akin.

Coach Race looked so annoyed when I finally got out of the car but all I can do is apologize for losing my focus.

"Sorry. I wanted to achieve a new record. I didn't notice I was already losing control over my speed," I lied.

My best friend, Raven shook his head. Halatang hindi naniniwala dahil kilalang-kilala na niya ako. He even showed me his middle finger before giving me a side eye.

"You almost slammed your car on the west curve if you didn't listen to me. If you die, I won't be the one to tell your kids about it," asik ni Coach Race.

Bihira lamang namin siyang marinig na magsalita, at kung nagsasalita naman, ganito. Napipikon o kaya ay nanggigigil sa inis dahil sa tigas ng ulo naming mga myembro ng Cavalier Racers' Association.

Pinangaralan ako at binigyan ng warning. Nang matapos ay sabay na kaming umalis ni Raven sa main training track. Nasa loob din iyon ng Caballero Compound kung saan nakalagak ang mga pangarera naming kotse, ang main headquarters ng Cavalier Cars, at ang villas ng bawat myembro ng CRA.

Being part of CRA offers a lot of perks, like having your own place to stay. Utang na loob ko sa CRA kung bakit nabigyan ko ng maayos na buhay ang mga anak ko . . . kahit kaming tatlo lang ang magkakasama sa buhay.

"You gotta remember that no one's gonna take care of the twins if you die. I'm too hot-headed to be an adoptive father," Raven said before he looked at me. "Did you forget about that or you just remembered your ex again?"

Umiwas ako ng tingin ngunit napamura lamang siya. Alam ko namang galit siya sa nanay ng mga anak ko at hindi ko siya masisisi kung napipikon siya sa tuwing alam niyang naiisip ko pa rin ang babaeng 'yon. Kaya lang minsan ay hindi ko rin naiiwasan.

The pain she caused me was too much that sometimes it still haunts me even when I'm awake. Na kahit anim na taon na mula nang inabandona niya kami, nagagawa pa rin niya akong saktan tuwing naaalala ko ang ginawa niya sa amin ng mga anak ko.

"I don't like Allison either but I'd fucking end our friendship if I find out that you still love your ex. H'wag kang bobo," inis na sabi ni Raven bago nag-iba ng daan at dumiretso ng clubhouse para siguro mag-inom kahit alas nuebe pa lamang ng umaga.

I sighed while watching him walk away. Well, I can't blame him. He'd seen me turn from a compassionate and jolly person into a man who can only smile in front of my kids.

Hindi ko na lang pinansin pa. I went to my villa and prepared for my kids' lunch. I then picked them up from school inside SBMA, brought them home to the compound and ate our meal as a family, but when I noticed that my daughter Sofie's nose was a bit puffy, I put my spoon and fork down and asked her.

"What's wrong, Sofie?"

She lifted her head and looked at me for a brief moment before she glanced at her twin brother, seeking for help. Tumigil naman sa pagkuyakoy si Sovie saka ako sinagot.

"Inaasar siya, daddy kasi bulol daw siya po tapos hindi daw siya maka-talk nang maayos po kasi wala kami mommy po." His eyes flickered with pain. "Meron naman kami mommy, eh. Si Mommy Allison?"

I sighed. Ni hindi ko alam kung papaano ko sasagutin ang anak ko. A part of me blames myself, too because I had several chances to open my heart to someone who's willing to mother my kids the way their real mom failed to do, but this stupid thing inside my chest is too shattered for it to still entertain another love.

Tumikhim ako at pilit na ngumiti. "Don't mind them, Sofie. Nandito naman palagi si Daddy."

Sofie bowed her head while pouting. "Why can't chwee have aw own Mom?"

My daughter's question broke my heart even more. Alam kong lumalaki na sila at dapat ko nang ipagtapat ang totoo, pero kaya ko bang sabihin sa kanila na gusto silang ipalaglag ng nanay nila noon? Na kung hindi ako lumuhod, nagmakaawa at nangakong hindi ko na guguluhin ulit ang nanay nila ay hindi sila mabubuhay sa mundo? 

God, the truth will break their hearts. At hindi ko kayang panooring mangyari 'yon. I love them so much no matter how hard it is to raise them on my own.

I was young when I had them, but I did my best to give them a good life. Pero sa kabila ng karangyaan ng buhay naming mag-aama ngayon, alam ko sa sarili kong hinding-hindi ko mapupunan mag-isa ang puwang na ang nanay lang nila ang kayang pumuno.

Tumayo ako mula sa sarili kong silya saka ko sila nilapitan para patakan ng halik sa ulo. "Finish your food. I'll just make a call."

I don't want my kids to see my fragile version so I went out, shut my eyes, and took one hell of a breath before I reminded myself that someday, my kids will understand why we could never be with their mother.

Siguro pipilitin ko na lang din ang sarili kong i-entertain ang feelings ni Allison nang mabuo ang pamilyang kailangan ng mga anak ko. After all, she's nice to my kids and she treats them like her own. She's been very patient with me and never forced me to love her back.

Baka panahon na para suklian ko ang pagmamahal niya. Baka panahon na rin para magkaroon ng ilaw ang tahanang para sa mga anak ko. Besides, no matter how much I deny it, I know to myself that . . . I'm lonely.

My bed feels wide at night. My mornings are cold because there's no one I get to share a nice cup of coffee with. My heart yearns to feel the bliss love brings. Pero sa tuwing iniisip ko ang pakiramdam na nagmamahal at minamahal, ibinabalik ako ng isip ko sa nakaraan.

Sa panahong ako pa ang pinakamasayang nobyo sa mundo dahil mahal na mahal ko ang babaeng laman ng puso't isip ko. 

I took in a sharp breath. "Don't go there, Sovereign. She's done enough damage for you to still welcome her back in your life," I reminded myself.

Papasok na sana ako nang may dumating na security personnel na sakay ng golf cart. Ipinarada niya ang sasakyan sa harap ng villa saka siya bumaba para lapitan ako.

"Magandang tanghali, Sir Reign," bati niya.

"Magandang tanghali rin, Vini. Napadaan ka? Do you wanna borrow my car?" I asked.

"Ay, hindi po, Sir. Nagpunta lang ho ako at may babae hong hinimatay sa harap ng guard house. Sabi raw ho ay kayo ang sadya. Kaso noong tatanungin na ni Mang Binoy kung may passes na siya, bigla hong nawalan ng malay."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Wala akong inaasahang bisita. Sino raw ho siya at nasaan na siya ngayon?"

"Nasa harap pa ho ng compound. Treese Loreno raw ho ang pangalan. Idadala ho namin sa clinic pero kailangan ho ng approval ninyo at kayo ang sinabing pakay niya rito."

My heart nearly jumped out of my chest after hearing what he said. "Come again? S-Sino raw siya?"

"Treese Loreno raw, Sir. Kilala n'yo ho ba?"

My jaw clenched as pain clawed my heart.

Kilala ko.

Kilalang-kilala ko . . .