THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU // JOHNNYBOY

SIX | It's Not Your Fault

PONYBOY CURTIS
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"Where the hell were you." Darry boomed as soon as the door closed. My eyes widened. It's midnight! Darry isn't supposed to be awake this late! I stayed silent, stunned that I got caught. "I said where. Were. You!" Darry now yelled, almost making the walls around us shake. I shook, my breathing getting quicker. "I was just taking a walk . . ." I lied, fidgeting with my hands infront of me. Now soda was in the room, laughing at my lie. "Now I know my kid brother was not just 'taking a walk' do not lie to me. Where were you?" Darry demanded. "I was on a walk! I swear!" I yelled. "Don't lie to Darry, Pone." Soda scolded. "I'm not!" "Oh yeah, you were on a 3 hour walk." Darry mocked. "Fine! I was at Johnny's house, okay?! Can you leave me alone now?!" I shouted, my eyes watering. Darry parted his lips, about to speak, but I had interrupted. "Just leave me alone." I whispered, crying as I ran up the stairs. "Ponyboy wait —" Darry called, sighing as I slam the door. "How will I ever get through to that kid . . ." Darry muttered, shaking his head. "He's just at that age, Darry. I was like that once too. We'll talk to him tomorrow." Soda reassured.

I lean against the door that is shut behind me and the tears just keep coming. I run up to my bed and through my frustration, I grab one of my pillows and start punching it over and over screaming "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I was frustrated, but I wasn't completely sure why. The best thing just happened to me, I kissed Johnny. Why was I so angry all of the sudden? Was it hormones?
I heard a light tap on the door, and muttered: "Go away." I earned a scoff in return. The door opens and Sodapop is there. "Someone's a bit spicy tonight." He laughed. "What's up with you?" He asked, sitting down next to me and patting my back. I liked Soda. I felt like I could be honest with him. He felt way more real than Darry. I always was way more close to Soda than I was Darry.
"I'm just tired." I groaned. "Are you sure it's just that?" I paused, I can't admit what I did to soda, can I? "I can't tell you." I whisper. "Sure, you can." Soda whispers back. "You scared I'll tell Darry or something?" "Kind of." "Well I won't. You know me." I pause, am I really about to admit this? Soda is too good at making me admit things. "I, uh . . ." I mumble. "I kissed Johnny . . ." I whisper, feeling my tears resurfacing. Soda just stares at me with this bewildered look, yet at the same time he looks at me smug, as if he expected this. "Okay." Soda responded. "Just 'Okay'? You don't care?" "No, not really." Soda responded, smiling. "I won't tell Darry though." Soda reassured. "Thanks, Soda." "Don't worry about it, Pone." We sit in comfortable silence for awhile. "But just a little tip," Soda begins, raising his eyebrows. "Become better at sneaking out." He laughs. "We knew immediately. We heard screaming so we came up here and boom. You were gone and your window was open. We literally watched you run away." Soda said, now in a laughing fit. I couldn't help but join the laughing fest too. "I was scared, okay!?" "We could tell!" Soda joked.

"So, what was up with Ponybug?" Darry asked, staring at the TV as he spoke. Soda sat across from him, a weak smile on his face.
"I think it's best you don't know for now." He responds. "The kid's just struggling." "Ah." Darry said, glancing at Soda with furrowed brows. "Why doesn't Pony trust me?" Soda looks shocked at Darry's question. He sighs, then speaks. "I think hes kind of scared of you. It's not that he doesn't trust you, it's just that you've always been very hard on the kid. Especially after mom and dad — " "yeah." Darry interrupted, a pain in his voice you cannot ignore. "It's not your fault Darry." Darry looks up at Soda with glossy eyes. Soda knew what Darry was thinking. "Mom and Dad. It wasn't your fault. I know you think it was. But it wasn't. You were just a kid — we were all kids." "Yeah." Darry responded coldly, looking back at the TV. "Maybe you should talk to Pony. You've got to get through to him. Show him you mean good, that you just don't want the kid to end up like us?" "I will."
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I heard a knockin' at my door and scoffed. What could Soda want this late? "Go away Soda." I grumbled from my bed. "Ponybug." I heard a voice mutter from the otherside of the door, and I immediately knew who was there. Darry, my big, mean, scary brother. "Darry?" I asked, shooting up from my bed and now sitting on the edge of the mattress. "I just wanna talk, Pone." Darry said, entering the room. I gulped, nodding. Darry walks up and sits next to me, resting his hands on his knees. "Do you want to tell me what you were off doin' tonight?" I felt tears form at my waterline. "I want to." I mutter. "But It's . . . It's hard to say." I added, practically crumbling at my words. I let the tears fall, I shook, I was scared. Was Darry gonna freak out? "What's goin' on, Ponyboy?" Darry gently asked, tilting his head to make eye contact with me. "I kissed Johnny . . ." I admitted, sniffling. I wiped snot from my nose with my hoodie sleeve, and Darry just looked at me with an expressionless face. "I'm gay, Darry." I whispered, sniffling and shaking. I got embraced in a tight hug and crumbled at the touch even more. I heard Darry whisper under his breath: "oh, sweet boy." "I didn't w-wanna tell you like this." I sobbed. "You're okay Pony. It's all gonna be okay." He reassured, and I began feeling much better. Darry pulls away. "Just one thing, though." Darry says. "From now on, when Johnny is over, those doors better stay open, you hear?" Darry scolded. "Darryyy—" " I don't want to hear it, Ponyboy. That's final." I laughed at Darry's attempt at being fatherly. He wasnt all that bad. "Wait, so you're not mad at me?" I asked. "No." Darry says. "I'm more so mad at myself." "Why?" I question, leaning in closer. "I'm sorry Ponyboy. I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't tell me things. I know this was important to you." Darry muttered, his eyes watering. I embraced him tightly, and I listen to him chuckle as he ruffles my hair. "You stay safe out there, Pony." Darry says, shutting his eyes tight. "I will." "But you're still getting grounded." Darry whispered into my ear. I groaned. "Darry please —" "You know the rules, Ponybug."

Words: 1209

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A/N) I was watching the outsiders earlier and I thought Darry called Ponyboy 'Ponybug' so I was like yk what thats going into my fic. Do I know if he actually said Ponybug? No clue, but I hope he did cuz that was adorable 😭