Forever Alone // Carl Grimes (The Walking Dead)

Chapter 37

I groaned as Alyssa's retreating figure disappeared into the blackness. How cliché, leave your enemy in a life threatening situation. I cursed and attemped to kick the wood off my leg again, but to no avail. The door slammed shut and the 'group' was gone. Carol said something was going on with these people, but there wont be people when I'm done.

I grabbed the flashlight and shone it into the dark, only to reveal a dozen Walkers hobbling their way over to me, stumbling on fallen goods and shelves.

Fuck.

I built up the energy and with one strong kick the wood slid off my leg, leaving bruises and a deep gash of red blood trickling down my left leg. I stumbled forward grabbing onto anything for support to push me forward. A few Walkers blocked my path to the door. I readied my machete and with one fatal swing they slumped down before me.

I limped out into the harsh afternoon sunlight. There was no sign of any cars or even the other group. Daryl would kill them if I didn't get back in time. What would happen when I get back? I'm not going to be an idiot and say that they would be persecuted, they're going to lie, there is no doubt about that.

The pile of Walkers slowly chasing after me was growing, but I didn't have the time nor energy to evade them. Hopefully, I could lose them in the forest. I tried jogging, evading the Walkers, but only made it a few hundred meters without giving up because of the sharp pain in my leg. It didn't look too bad, but it was deep enough.

My body is marked with scars, not only physical ones.

It would be hours walk from where I am now, and I only vaguely remember the route. Rick would send a search party, Maggie, Glenn, Sasha, Daryl, Carol, Michonne and of course Carl. Am I being too harsh?

The hours gave me time to think. Was I being stupid? He has tried everything to be with me, to make me care again, but can I? My heart is clouded by a black fog, my dark thoughts only making me want to push people away. In the end they always die.

My heart longed for his soft skin, the feeling of his lips on mine. The way he used to hold me before I fell asleep. It all happened so fast and I couldn't contol myself, all he had to do was look at me and I caved. I went from hatred to love so quickly. I built up these walls around myself that crumbled down at the sight of him, and he walked past them. I was too naïve. I let myself get attached and this is where I am, but am I mad at him? Or am I just scared?

You are afraid of loosing him, so you push him away. In doing that you loose him further.

You were in the darkness so long, you became the darkness.

Will he love me when I loose my mind? When I kill so many people it consumes me? I've done many things I'm not proud of, all to save the people I care about and myself. Each heartbreak, death, kill leaves a scar on my heart, and these scars don't fade. Am I too far gone?

-

The roar of an engine and tyres on a road echoed through the silent evening. I was too tired to hide, they can have me. The large white van stopped infront of me and I stared at it blankly. I placed my hand over my gun, just incase it wasn't my group. The windows were too dark to see through and the side door slid open.

A boy emerged, which I immediately recognised as Carl, he ran to me and enveloped me in a tight hug. I couldn't even register what was happening. Just the musky smell of Carl's blue flannel and the warmth of his arms around my body. He was stiff at first, expecting me to shove him away, but I was too weak to care and I longed for him close to me again, but I wouldn't cave to him. I can't.

"I- I. Just take me away from here." I croaked and leaned against Carl for support. He gently lifted me off my feet and carried me to the van that lay ahead. Daryl and Kirsty helped him lay me in the back. I huffed and accepted the bottle of water the red haired girl held to me.

"What happened?" Daryl gruffed and looked back at me with squinted eyes. Kirsty tore at my trouser leg with a combat knife and inspected the wound.

"Alyssa happened." I growled and Carl stiffened. He looked to me with eyes full of guilt.
"She knocked down the isles in the supermarket and left me there. Adam was in on it too. They disappeared with that other dark haired guard, Jamie."

Daryl cursed and hit his hands off the steering wheel. Kirsty soothingly placed a hand on his shoulder and he relaxed, releasing a long, exasperated breath. Carl was watching me intently, as if trying to figure me out.

"It's not too deep, you'll be fine in a couple of days." Kirsty smiled weakly and wrapped a clean white bandage around my injured calf.

I leaned back against the metal of the van and exhaled. Daryl started the van and a rumble vibrated through the vehicle. He pulled away and we were headed to the town that we knew nothing about.

"Where's Jo?" I asked after a couple of minutes, refusing to look Carl in the eyes. He stiffened and scowled.

"I didn't let him come. I don't trust him."

"Course you don't." An awkward silence fell and Kirsty coughed awkwardly, attempting to lessen the tension.

"They came back and said that you died in the supermarket." She mumbeled and smoothed down her unruly red locks.

I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest.
"I'm getting the hell out of that town. It's twisted."

Kirsty frowned and shared a look with Daryl who was deep in thought. I sighed and looked down at my bloody and tattered clothes. What is left for me in this world? I have nothing left to fight for.

The gates of Mortis opened at the sight of the white van. The whole town was outside, awaiting the group with the body of one of their people. I stiffened when Carl slung an arm around my shoulder. There were a few murmers through the crowd when I emerged from behind the white metal. I caught eyes with Alyssa and Adam who stared at me with a look of anger and resentment. Maggie and Carol sighed in relief and Joan approached cautiously.

"I'm glad you're okay." She smiled, brushing some imaginary dust from her trousers.

"I'm lucky I am. No thanks to your trusted members of this twisted town." I growled, staring the woman straight in the eyes. Carol shot me a warning look but I ignored her.

"What do you mean?" Joan squinted her eyes at me, glacing to the side where Adam and Alyssa stood. Jo frowned when he emerged from his house to see Carl supporting me.

"I mean. They tried to kill me. Knocked over the shelves in the supermarket until one of them finally hit me."

Murmers and gasps echoed through the crowd and Adam protested. Alyssa stayed quiet, watching Carl and me with a look of disdain and jealousy. Joan exhaled and pinched the bridge of her nose motioning for the guards to take Adam and Alyssa. The people of Mortis looked down at me with hatred, like I had done something wrong.

"Keep them under house arrest until I can sort this out." Joan mumbelled and waved her hand, giving me one last look before stalking off into her house.

Jo immediatly ran to me and wrapped his arms around me.
"Dammit, I thought you were dead."

Carl glared at him and balled up his fists.
"Don't y-"

"Carl," I scolded.
"I'm not in the mood for this today. Enough."

Jo and Carl glared at eachother until Kirsty slotted herself in between them, linking our arms together and gently dragging me towards Carol's house.
"I'll take you back."

"Thanks." I laughed and leaned on the girl for support. The evening air was cool and crisp giving me goosebumps. She hummed to herself and led me in the door of the white- painted house and onto the chair in the living room.

"Explain this dilemma to me." Kirsty smiled sincerely and poured two drinks.

"Sit tight." I mumbelled and began to re-tell the tragic story of how I got here and the obstacles I faced to get here.

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