Complicated Love

15. A moment of peace

Farah's pov
We were alone.
I looked at him. He was still watching the door, with his back facing me.
I let out a deep sigh, going back to my desk and taking my familiar spot on the edge of it.
No one said a word, we both were like sensitive antennas, highly aware of the other ones presence.
At last he cleared his throat and turned to me awkwardly.
Avoiding my eyes he broke the silence.
„I should go check on the battalion."
I nodded, not sure what to respond.
„If there is nothing you need..."

His eyes met mine for only a split second. Then he turned sharply and paced to the door.
I don't know what came over me but something took over and I heard myself say:
„Saul, wait."

Saul's pov
I froze.
I didn't dare to move, not sure if I heard correctly.
„If you have a moment... I think we should talk..."

I could feel her nervousness. This was not easy for her. But for some reason it only made me angry. I turned back to her. She was sitting on the edge of her desk as she often does. Only now I notice what she was wearing today. A grey tight-fitting dress. It accentuated her curves wonderfully, especially when she was sitting.

Focus Saul

It took all my willpower to tear myself away from her silhouette and concentrate on my anger. She owed me an apology, or at least an explanation. And I had made up my mind not to give in.
„Now you want to talk?"
My tone was sharp as a knife.

She looked at me with a sudden determination.
„Yes"
She crossed her arms.
I made a low, disdainful noise and turned towards the door.
I couldn't use her attitude right now.
I pushed down the handle but the door did not open. I tried again, nothing.
I sighed.

„Farah, open the door." I said dangerously calm.
„Please Saul, 5 minutes."
„Open the fucking door!"
„No."
I whirled around. She hadn't moved from the spot, but her eyes had taken on a coldness.
„No?"
I took a view steps towards her.
„You dare to tell me „no" after days of completely ignoring me, couldn't even look at me.
You didn't tell me what was going on, whether I had done something wrong or whether it had nothing to do with me!
And you tell me „no"!?"

In the heat of the moment I didn't notice how I came closer and closer to her.
„I had to endure absolute silence while I watched you working yourself to death, neglecting yourself while giving your best for everyone else. You let me watch while leaving me feeling helpless and rejected! But now, the oh mighty Ms. Dowling wants to talk and of course, her wish is our command!"

By now I was standing right in front of her, our knees almost touching her.
I was in any way taller then her, but through her sitting position she had to really look up at me.
And oh she did. Her warm, brown eyes looked up at me through her long lashes, her steadfastness dissolved into guilt.
„I'm sorry"
It was a quiet whisper but I heard it. And suddenly I could feel her walls break and a rush of exhaustion, regret, pain and worry swept over me. She had opened up herself again to our bond.
„Truly..."
I could feel the sincerity behind her words. It broke my heart to see her in this diminished version of herself. Only a shadow of the actual self-confident and strong woman I knew. Never had I seen her so broken. Not even after Rosalind had betrayed us.
Without thinking, I gently took her face in my hands. She instantly closed her eyes and breathed out. I took a step closer and wrapped my arms around her. I felt her shoulders relax and she leaned in further, her head against my chest. We stood like this for a while. It seemed that all our problems were on hold only for this bittersweet moment.

When I felt that she was more at ease I released her but only so I could caress her cheek. Her skin was warm and soft, I could feel her gaze upon me but I couldn't meet her eyes right now.
„Saul"
Again, it was barely a whisper.
„Yes, Farah"
I finally met her gaze. I could barely hold it together. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. Up close I could see the fine lines of age on her forehead and around her tired eyes but she still radiated such power, it was impossible to look away.
„Help me"