Complicated Love

14. Inner Turmoil

Farah's pov

The following days were tense. I threw myself into the preparations for whatever was coming for us. At day I made sure the kids were training and improving their skills and at night I spent my time with Beatrix. It had been more difficult to break her mental barriers than anticipated, but I was determined to find out everything she had to hide. All of this didn't leave much time to sleep, which I welcomed. The moment I would close my eyes all I would see were Saul or Bloom, looking at me with hate.
I was successfully avoiding both, though it didn't help my internal struggle.
Never before had my feelings taken this much space in my life and it was bugging me. We were clearly at war and all I could think about were my emotions.

Ugh

I was currently in my office looking out my big round window, observing the specialists. I recognised Sky fighting with another boy, throwing themselves at each other, swinging their swords with a dangerous ferocity. But the real reason for my interest was standing a bit further talking to another student. Saul towered over the boy, arms crossed which radiated confidence and strength. His brown hair got caught in the wind and suddenly he looked 10 years younger. He certainly was a vision.

My thoughts were interrupted by a gentle knock.
„Come in"

Ben appeared behind the door with a small smile plastered on his face.
„Hello you, do you have a moment?" he asked.

I nodded and left my place at the window.
„What is it?"
My tone was colder than I wanted it to be.
„Just checking in, we haven't seen you for a while"

Ben was still smiling at me but his eyes shone with worry. To be honest, he reeked of concern, I had felt it the moment he came in.
„Well, I've been busy with trying to find out who wants to hurt my school."
I sat down on the edge of my desk.
„Of course, yes... have you also been sleeping or eating?"
„Ben"
„Because we haven't seen you sleep, eat nor drink, for what it's worth-„
„I don't need a babysitter"
I interrupted him harshly.

I could feel my anger rise within seconds. Frustration that I had locked down for days were threatening to unload themselves onto Ben. But he seemed calm, probably expecting some kind of resistance from me.

„Of course not. But as your friend-„
„I'm fine, Ben"
I interrupted him again, crossing my arms.

„With all due respect, you are not fine. Farah you have been working yourself to exhaustion. You haven't talked to any of the staff nor to the students, I-"
He got interrupted again as the door opened and Saul came in. I had been so engaged with Ben that I hadn't felt him coming closer. To be fair, I had sealed of my end of the bond for the past days, so I hadn't felt much to begin with. But now, with him in the same room my self control vanished and I could feel the bond pulsating strongly between us. Our eyes locked.

No escape now.

His expression was neutral, everything hidden away behind a mask of indifference.
But I could feel something through our bond, I just wasn't sure what it was.
„Ah Saul, good timing. I was just reminding dear Ms. Dowling of some basic human needs, she doesn't seem to be very responsive though."
I was about to shoot something back but Saul was quicker.

„Let her be Ben, we have more pressing matters right now."

Pang

His words hit me like a gunshot. My body froze and I stared at him in disbelieve. Ben was about to respond but Saul took a view steps into the room and continued.
„There are some issues. The students are not fast enough. They are doing their best but we will never be ready for the burned ones on time. And there has been some talk, some students heard Beatrix scream, they think you are torturing her."
As he swayed his attention back to me, it felt as if he looked right into my soul. I looked down at my hands.