butters stotch's laxatives

Part 8!!!/!!/$2)1&1$ (REAL!!!!)

I awaken, yawning and stretching loudly. "Hmm, I kinda want an elf on the shelf." I whisper as I get out of bed. I sneak into my moms bedroom and steal her credit card (again). I walk out the house and hop into my dads car, driving it to target. I look inside the store, checking the shelves, I spot one and gasp, though. It seemed like somebody was already approaching it. I growl, and sprint towards them. They turn to me, and held me at gunpoint. I stop, "WHAT THE FUCK??? GUNS ARENT ALLOWED IN TARGET!!!! Well, I don't think so." I exclaim. "Shut the fuck up, blonde little boy." the old lady says grimly. I frantically punch her in the face, knocking out atleast 5 of her teeth, she screams. I add the elf on the shelf to my shopping cart, buy it and run out of the store.

I pant, exhausted. It was very late. I drive home and arrive. I walk into my house and enter my room, I lay in my bed and fall asleep.

(this part is written in the elf on the shelf's perspective!!)

"Finally, the boy's sleeping!" I say, grinning. My eyes glow red, and I start flying. I hover towards the fathers bedroom and place 3 tarantulas on-top of his head, then I enter the mother's bedroom. I give her 2 different types of diseases and grab a red crayon, as I write "dumbass fucking bitch" on the wall. I laugh sinisterly while I exit her room. I return to the child's bedroom. I land onto the ground, making a loud noise.

(not in the elf's perspective anymore)

I jump in surprise, looking at the elf on the shelf I got yesterday. It was standing up, and it was looking straight at me. "Hey, what the??" I mumble. "Don't tell anybody about what you just saw." The elf says to me quietly. I nod, "o-okay, sir." I say shakily as I go back to bed.

a few hours later pass, I open my eyes. feeling very sleepy, "AAGHHH!!!" I exclaim, noticing my parents were In-front of me, I swallow fearfully. "Butters..." My dad mumbles. "Why were there 3 fucking tarantulas on my head when I woke up? and why was "dumbass fucking bitch" written with red crayon on the wall in your moms room???? Lastly, WHY THE FUCK IS YOUR MOTHER FEELING SICK????!!!!" He says as he starts shouting into my ear. "I-It WASNT me dad, I swear it!! It must've been the elf on the shelf, not me, I saw him STANDING up last night! A-and he spoke to me!" I explain. "GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STOP FUCKING LYING!!!!" He says bawling. "Uhh, I AM in my room, dad??.." I reply, confused. "WHATEVER!" He growls, grabbing mom and walking out the room as he slammed the door shut. The elf starts giggling, "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT!!!!?? YOU GOT ME IN TROUBLE!!!" I say, very clearly mad at the elf. "How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

I'm just doing what comes naturally

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

I'm just following my destiny

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

I'm just doing what comes naturally

How ba-a-a-ad can I be?

How bad can I possibly be?" The elf starts singing, his eyes glowing red once more.

"Hold on.." I mutter, grabbing the elf and turning him around. "Joe Dee gaming 69's property?!??!!" I say, shocked. "Awh, fuck!" The elf says disappointedly. "I'm gonna get you to your owner, Joe Dee gaming 69. ughh, but wait!! I can't believe I'm finally going to meet him-!! He's my idol, my hero, my everything!" I say, jumping around happily. "Okay, let's go!" I grab the elf on the shelf and a hammer from inside my closet, as I smash the window and jump outside.

"I actually know Joe Dee gaming 69's location, so finding him won't be a problem. (608 E 13th ave, Denver, CO). Thankfully, he's only 5 blocks away!" I say confidently.

After a while, I arrive near his doorstep. I lift up my hand, knocking on the door. He opens the door rather quickly, and WOW! he's so much more tall.. and, muscular.. and.. handsome.. in person.. I start blushing. "Uh, Hey. Who the fuck are you?" Joe Dee gaming 69 questions. "Oh! I'm uhh, Butters Stotch." I say, introducing myself. "Okay, and why are you here, Butters Shitotch?" He asks. "I'm here to return your evil elf on the shelf." I say. "Okay, thanks, and goodbye." He says snatching the elf out of my hands and shutting the door on me. "Oh, well that was quick..."