The Meal Plan

Chapter 14

Hey folks,

Here's another chapter :) This one is dedicated to genesissoma16. Thank you so much for fanning me and your awesome comments xoxo

From this chapter onwards, you'll find that Neveah's ED will be getting worse and I am going to be graphic where it's required in the upcoming chapters. Please read the warnings at the beginning of this novel. Please don't imitate Neveah's ways. If you find yourself tempted to do that, please DON'T! I can't emphasise the importance.

Hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Please vote and comment.

Sharanya Mullassery ©2012-2013

All rights reserved

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School reopened after the summer holidays. It was senior year. Louis and Trina were back from their vacation. They were thrilled and surprised to see my weightloss. I told them everything that happened during summer. However, I omitted the part in which I was surviving on a single meal and lied that I was following a Weight Watchers’ program. They didn’t pester me with diet questions and were more interested in Alex. At the end, we unanimously decided that Alex was awesome!

On the first day of school, we learned that Sean and Mia broke up. Over the summer, Mia had gained weight exponentially. She went from being a size zero to a size twelve in less than 3 months. She kept telling everyone who listen that she was diagnosed with a thyroid issue. Mia was disliked by almost everyone, including her side kicks. She was kicked out of the cheerleading squad and her friends ditched her. Once her looks and popularity started sliding away, people started sending snide remarks and insults her way.  At first, she rebutted but then, it tired her down. Eventually, she started wearing only track pants and loose Tees to the school. Her weight gain shattered her confidence and broke her arrogance. She became a shell of the person she was. She became a loner and kept to herself.

In the mean time, I was finding it difficult to keep up with food habits. I realized that I was losing control. I had to eat lunch at the cafeteria with Louis and Trina and dinner at home with mom. After being on near starvation for a couple of months, the increase in food intake stopped my weight loss. I even gained two pounds. I knew I had to do something about it. I goggled my frustrations and the search lead me to a string of eating disorder related websites and support forums.

Soon, I found myself wandering online in between two different types of ED crowds – First, the typical ED support groups that had real women and men, affected by eating disorders of one kind or the other, sharing their horrifying life stories and struggles. They were a safe haven for the people who had an ED, a place where the disordered could share their misery without feeling like a freak. Members of the group were warmly welcoming, encouraged those who wanted to recover from eating disorders and were compassionate towards those who wouldn’t or couldn’t bring themselves to recover.

Second, hidden in the darkest, skinniest recesses of the internet were the “Pro-Ana” or “Pro-Mia” websites.  Some of them claimed that they mainly existed as a non-judgmental place for anorexics or bulimics, a place to turn to, to discuss their illness, and to support those who chose to enter recovery. While others denied that eating disorders were a mental illness and claimed instead that it was a ‘life style choice’ that should respected by doctors and family. I found myself being attracted more and more to the latter.

These websites attracted those who were seeking tips and techniques for losing weight and the eating disordered who seek advice on hiding their disordered behaviors, or minimizing the physical damage caused by over exercising and severe calorie restriction. They gave advice, tips and general suggestions on not eating again. They coached each other on using socially acceptable reasons for refusing food, such as veganism, Arranged weight loss competitions, advised on inducing vomit, using laxatives and emetics, hiding weightloss from doctors and parents, reducing the side effects of various eating disorders, reducing hunger pangs etc.

Despite the overwhelming support between users, there was an undercurrent of competitiveness. As a result, the pretense of support collapsed pretty frequently, and forum threads devolved into who was better at starving. It was nearly impossible to read these forums without wincing. They constantly and passive aggressively attacked one another’s diets for not being rigid enough. The feuds weren’t quite as conspicuous as they were on other forums, but they were even more vicious, because no one aligned themselves with a particular side: It was just a free-for-all attack on one another under the guise of encouragement.

A part of my brain kept on reminding me that these methods were life threatening. But, I pushed aside those warnings. At that point in my life, I wasn’t sure whether I was a casual dieter, someone having an ED or a wannabe who was pathetic enough to starve herself to lose weight for universal acceptance. All I knew was that I hated food and believed that it was the root cause of all my troubles.