The angel's voice. Y/n X Larissa Weems secret love

Chapter 126- I Love You More

"Good girl! Now! To bed this instant!"

   She pointed to the bedroom door,  having her demanding voice back, so without saying a single word, stood up and started walking to the bedroom, feeling my bottom cheeks burning. I crawled into the bed, waiting for Larissa to come as well, but she still wasn't showing up, so I started thinking about what had just happened.

   Usually, after Larissa pleased me, I felt uplifted and had butterflies in my stomach which didn't disappear for a long time, but now I didn't feel any of it. Somehow I didn't enjoy it as much as I usually did, I felt empty and strange, I just wanted to sit in silence and let this feeling sink in. "What is happening to me? Am I sick?" I asked myself as I placed my hand on my forehead just to feel it cold.

   "What is wrong with me?" I thought to myself, feeling really off, a feeling that I couldn't quite figure out or describe. I wanted to cry but nothing was coming out, I tried to cry, hoping that after that I would feel better, but I couldn't, so I just sat in the bed, with my arms wrapped around my knees, trying to find some kind of comfort in me. I was picking the skink off my fingers, not knowing what else to do, because If I just sat there and didn't do anything my mind would float somewhere off to a dark place.

   The embarrassment hadn't jet passed me, which made me think about the things that happened to me even more, making me slowly start to wrap my head around some stuff. "Was this how I am supposed to feel? Is this the embarrassment kicking in, in a different shape? A bigger and stronger one?" As I was starting to think about it even more, I started understanding that I wasn't as embarrassed as I thought I was, but it was something different, something I thought I would never experience, ''Was I a little traumatized?''

   The more I rewind the moment back in my head, I started realizing that Larissa didn't listen to me when I asked her to stop because I was in pain. "Yea, but she said that she won't stop until I told her the  truth..." A little part of me tried to defend her and not make her the bad guy, but I couldn't stop thinking about her not listening to me even when I was begging her. It made me feel like I was nothing and nothing worth listening to. "Did she really want me to suffer that much..." I sighed, not really knowing what to do. I didn't know if Larissa came to her right mind and realized that what she did was wrong, or if she was completely fixated on only making me come to my right mind.

   I laid myself in the bed and closed my eyes, to try to think about what should I do as well as to try to find comfort from the blanket that was weighing my body down. "Did she really just do it for her own pleasure? Her seeing me being helpless on her lap turned her on? While I was suffering? Was she really finding pleasure in hurting me? She wouldn't...right? T-that's wrong..." I couldn't stop thinking about Larissa being this bad person, I tried to not believe it, but because Larissa didn't listen to me, I thought otherwise. But before I could decide what to do, the overwhelming and draining emotions had taken all from me and everything went black and I fell asleep, even tho it was the middle of the day.

   The sleep wasn't great, I was tossing and turning in the bed often waking up from nightmares consisting of Larissa not listening to me, and completely shutting me out, as well as redreaming the painful events that unfolded just hours ago. Every single time I woke up, I wanted to go to Larissa and say to her what was bothering me, but at the same time my body didn't let me, I physically couldn't move because I wasn't sure if Larissa even cared that I was suffering from what she did, so I just kept laying in bed, just with my thoughts. A little part of me hoping for Larissa to finally come here, so I can say what was on my mind.

   Again I woke up from another bad dream, but this time I finally felt a sense of comfort surrounding me, the thing I was longing for the most at the moment, and that is when I realized why this feeling had finally come back. I felt Larissa's arms around me and my head on her chest. She had pulled me up into her lap while I was asleep and now was cradling me like a little child. She was holding me as close to her as possible, while I just for a brief second let myself enjoy this comforting feeling, despite how much discomfort Larissa had caused me I still loved her. 

   The warmth of her body was just something else, and I didn't want it to disappear, but I knew I had to pull away from her eventually, just so I can tell her the stuff that was bothering and upsetting me. And then, still not pulling away from her I started wondering why she was cradling me in the first place, after being so strict and so demanding towards me, because I thought that for the next day, there might be a lot of tension between us. So I finally decided to pull away from her and turn to face her, and when I did I saw that she had a particularly grim expression on. I couldn't find the sparkle in her eyes, no joy or anything, just heavy eyes as if a grey undertone had covered them.

   When she saw me, the expression on her face didn't change, which made me wonder even more if something bad had happened. "Is everything ok?" I was afraid to even ask, scared to find out. "I'm so sorry Y/n..." She quietly said as she lowered her head breaking the eye contact. "W-what?" I asked still trying to catch her gaze. "I'm sorry...I crossed your boundaries," Larissa said as she was looking down at my lap. "Oh..."I realized and understood what she meant. "I didn't listen to you when you asked me to stop, I didn't stop, and that was wrong of me I'm sorry." I was glad that she, herself had come to her right mind, and that I didn't need to explain it to or tell it to her myself.

   "Thank you for understanding..." Was all I could say, finally feeling the oppressing feeling start to fade. "What happened? Why didn't you care, when I begged you to stop?" I asked finally able to catch a glimpse of her eyes, when she lifted her face up. "I guess I just got carried away not knowing how far you can take it, I should have talked to you about it earlier." She replied to my questions, the voice of her tone wasn't demanding anymore but instead, it was full of sorrow and regrets, which made me feel better on the inside, to know that Larissa cared about my opinions after all.

   She started running her fingers through my hair, as I pressed my head back against her warm chest glad to put this choking problem aside. "I thought you didn't care...that you knew what you were doing wasn't right, but still did it..." I quietly murmured as my cheek was pressed against the soft fabric of her dress, making the words sound a little unclear. "Y/n..." She sighed before continuing to speak in her angelic voice, "I wish I could go back, and do things differently. I would never want to hurt you like that, I didn't want to make you feel this way." She pressed her lips again the side of my head, and wrapped her hands back around me, squeezing me tight to her body.

   "I love you Y/n..." She whispered as her lips were still pressed against my head, and without wasting a single moment I replied, "I love you more." "No...I love you more." Larissa replied making me melt a little inside because I had always wanted to hear this said to me, just like in the movies. "Well...I love you to the moon and back." "I love you to the edge of the ever-expanding universe and back." Her voice timbre was soothing and calm as she said this and I knew there was nothing greater to say than this, so I decided to just say something simple, but powerful enough to make her melt. "There aren't enough words to describe how much I love you...adore you...lust over you and care for you..." I was truly in love with this woman.