Caged [RWS #1]

CHAPTER 13: REGRET

Vianca's POV

"I kissed you because I like you. And even when I had liquor in my system that time, alam ko parin ang ginagawa ko. For me.. it was not a mistake."

I'm facing my laptop but my mind is floating because all I think was what she said that night. 'Yon na rin ang huling beses ko s'yang nakita because she was admitted to a hospital because of motorcycle crash.

At nangyari ang motorcycle crash na 'yon pag-alis niya. I can't help but to blame myself. If I made her stay, maybe she's safe, maybe the accident didn't happen. Pero wala rin akong maisip na dahilan para pigilan siyang umalis.

Everything feels wrong. First, the one night stand between us, oo, hindi ko naman alam na magiging student ko siya and I'm not aware that she's just eighteen for goodness' sake. Pero ang mga sumunod na interaction namin, I'll admit that a part of me really liked it. Ginusto kong hawakan ang kamay niya, ginusto kong halikan siya.

But I know it should end here. Nahihibang na ako kung ipagpapatuloy ko pa 'to. I should learn my lesson. Ilang beses na akong naloko. I always hope for the better, na kapag tumaya ako, baka maganda naman ang kalabasan, but I always end up being.. the third party.

Laging umaasa kaya laging naloloko. Kasalanan ko rin dahil ang bilis kong maniwala. Maybe there's a part of me na umaasa paring baka sakali, may magmahal sa'kin nang tapat. Maybe there's someone out there who's willing to love me unconditionally, despite my bad reputation.

I can't deny that Clio gave me hope. She looks really genuine. Bagay na kinatatakot ko. Kasi kung hindi niya man ako masaktan, ako ang makakapanakit sa kanya. And I don't want that to happen. So everytime she comes close, I step back. But there is something about her that keeps on pulling me close hanggang marealize ko na nagpapadala na naman ako. At sa mga oras na 'yon, itutulak ko ulit siya palayo.

Masama na ba ako? Pinapaasa ko na siya?

I don't freaking know!

I sighed frustratedly.

At ngayong nasa ospital pa siya, hindi ko na alam ang dapat isipin. Is it her confession that has been in my mind for a week now, or her current condition at the hospital. How is she? Is she doing fine? Kailan siya makakalabas? Kailan siya babalik sa school? When will I see her? Does she think of me too? Does she.. still like me?

Should I go see her? But for what? Aasa nanaman siya. Masasaktan ko nanaman siya.

Napasandal ako sa swivel chair ko. I closed my eyes for a moment to clear my mind pero mas lalo lang gumulo dahil pumapasok sa isipan ko si Clio na namumuo ang luha habang nagsusumamo ang mukha.

I'm dying to know how is she. Hindi ko magawang magtanong sa mga kaibigan niya dahil ramdam kong may alam sila tungkol sa nangyayari sa amin ni Clio. Malakas makiramdam ang mga kaibigan niya, unlike her, manhid. She doesn't event know that half of her blockmates has a crush on her. While me, I notice everything. Lahat ng malalagkit na titig sa kanya, even outside the classroom and campus. She can make girls turn their head 360 just to stare at her.

Now that she's part of the dance troupe, dumoble ang bilang ng mga humahanga sa kanya. And I fucking hate it. It's bothering me big time.

Gosh, I should stop. Walang mangyayari sa'kin kung siya't siya ang iisipin ko.

Dahil alam kong hindi rin ako makaka-focus sa ginagawa ko, I just opened my social media account. Naisipan kong i-check ang profile niya. Maybe I can get some update here.

Oh.

The first post was from Maddie and Clio was tagged in it. They are with bunch of girls. Some are familiar, some are not, but I just know that these girls admires Clio. Clio was laying in hospital with with cast on her arm bandage on her head. But she's still smiling widely.