My Three Cousins

Chapter Two

Once I got Vivian back to the house, dripping but otherwise in perfect spirits, my mom rushed around in a panic.  She asked for every detail of the story, and I tried my best to downplay everything, leaving out all mention of glowing hands.  After my alterations, the story ended up being Vivian slipping into the water inches from Joan who turned and grabbed her just after her head dropped under.    Even with the changes mom still acted as if the situation was deadly and insisted on taking Vivian into town to the urgent care.  She told me to watch Fitz and tell the girls where she had gone before pulling out of the driveway as if she was racing time to save Vivian's life.

As soon as her tires hit the paved road, Fitz flagged me down and motioned for me to follow him upstairs.  I followed him even though every part of me wanted to go back down to the pond to see why my cousins hadn't even bothered to walk up to the house and make sure Vivian was ok.  "What do you need Fitz?" I asked once we were safely in the room.

"Why'd you lie to mom?" He asked keeping his tone casual, but his eyes watched me intently with a hint of the curious younger brother he had been before fourteen-year-old boy had set in. 

"I didn't," I answered defensively.

"Yeah, you did," he scoffed, "and now you're lying to me."

My silence told on me, but I couldn't think of anything else to say, he knew me too well for denials.

"So, did you push Vivian in or something?  You can tell me, I'm not that attached to her," the grin on his face as he said this told me he was joking on some level, but on another he was letting me know that if the choice came down to me or Vivian his pick would always be me.

"No," I said trying to decide how to answer honestly without sounding crazy, "but she was at the other end of the pond when she fell..."

"Oh," he said, understanding cleared his eyes.  He knew how that would change our mom's reaction but bored was by my secret.

"And she basically sunk to the bottom, I'm actually not sure how Joan got to her so fast," I continued, "one second she was beside me and the next she was at the pond.  The rest of us weren't even off the ground."

"She's fast?"  He shrugged and let his eyes glance toward the video game on his bed.  I could tell I was losing his attention.

"Its not just her," I tried again, "I can't explain it.  Instead of helping her Ruth started digging up plants then she shoved them in Vivian's mouth, and I think her hands glowed... and Helen..." I paused to gauge his reaction.

He nodded, leaning toward me with interest again.  

"Helen, she touched my arm, and I don't know," I said.

"But something weird right?" he asked with an eagerness to his voice, and I nodded.

"Weird." he added.

"Why are you so ready to believe me?" I was grateful but taken aback.

"Because they've always been creepy, Addy." He said dramatically and I couldn't help but laugh.  Soon he joined me, and we were laughing on the floor when we heard the front door open downstairs, and our cousins came back.

"Are you going to go ask them?" He said through whispered laughs.  "Hey creepy cousins are you all like three parts of one boogey man?"

I laughed along too and tried to ignore the part of me that really thought asking them might be the best plan.  I expected them to call out for me, but they went about their evening as if they hadn't just glowed my half-sister back to life.  Around midnight mom and Vivian came in and demanded Fitz and I go to sleep.  He was snoring on the other side of the room in minutes but without him to laugh off our cousin's "creepiness" I started to feel uneasy laying there in the dark.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw their glowing hands but instead of helping Vivian they were hurting her.  The images were accompanied by overwhelming guilt, as much as I felt distant from Vivian, she was my sister.  Why hadn't I been the one to save her?  Then I'd feel mad, why was Vivian so careless?  She wasn't a toddler anymore she should know better.  This loop of fear to guilt to anger played over and over throughout the night until around 3am.

A soft knock came from the door frame, and I opened my eyes in a panic to see Helen smiling apologetically at the door.  "I can't sleep, can you?" She asked.

I shook my head, tied between my usual reaction to Helen and my fear from earlier in the day.  "I'm going to make a cup of tea if you want to join?" She offered.

I glanced at Fitz snoring on his bed and pushed the covers off to join Helen downstairs.  Once downstairs she got out cups and started filling them with water from the tap.  There was something about her friendly demeanor that seemed different than usual, and I could feel her watching me for a reaction or a question, so I committed to not giving her one.  Seeing I wasn't going to start asking questions she started talking to fill the silence, "Ruth would normally get a kettle and boil water and stuff, but I'm just going to pop these in the microwave."

"I don't mind," I said intentionally keeping my voice neutral.

She turned and put the cups in the microwave before leaning across the counter to talk to me.  She reached her hand out as if she wanted to take mine, but I pulled away, trying to make it seem as if I was just casually moving to find a seat.  "It was just so scary when Vivi fell in today," Helen tried.

"Yeah, we'll watch her more carefully next time," I said trying to keep the guilt out of my voice.

"Of course," Helen said pausing. 

The silence in the room slowly became awkward as she finished making the teas and the only conversation was about how much sugar we both wanted.  When Helen went to hand me my tea, I recoiled lamely mumbling about how it was too hot to touch even though she was touching it.  She seemed concerned as she sat it on the counter in front of me.  I could feel her wanting to ask so I stared into the tea.

"It's a good thing Ruth knew what to do," Helen said as if we had been continuing the conversation about Vivian at the lake.

"Yeah," I said, torn between wanting answers and not wanting to be the one to ask for them.

"You must have been terrified.  I know I would have been if it was my sister," Helen said and she made a move to walk around the island to comfort me.  I once again recoiled, as much as I wanted to seem neutral, I couldn't let her touch me.  She hesitated, "Cousin are you mad at me?"

Her tone had shifted to be almost motherly, and she emphasized the word cousin so carefully.  "Why would I be mad at you?" I asked cooly, taking a sip of my tea.

"Because I pulled you away from Vivian today," she said, and I knew we both knew that wasn't what she was asking.  I started drinking my tea more quickly, willing it to be gone so I could go back upstairs and away from her.  I was somewhere between afraid and annoyed and for the first time I didn't want my cousin's attention.

"I just wanted to make sure you didn't see anything, if things went the other way," she said this as she inched closer to me, as if she hoped within moments my defenses would fall away, and I would collapse in her arms to thank her.

"Yeah, good thing that it didn't go the other way," I said taking the last gulp of my tea and walking to put the cup in the sink before turning toward the stairs, "well I better get some sleep.  Thanks for the tea, cousin." I said trying to mimic her emphasis on the last word.

The last look I had was one of frustration on her face as she sat at the island with her tea and none of the answers she had been looking for.