My Three Cousins

Chapter Twenty-Six

Once we got back in the house Mom began ignoring my pleas to stay and went through in a frenzy, grabbing everything that belonged to us and throwing it in a bag.  The whole time she yelled at us to pack faster as if it was possible to throw things into bags any faster than she already was.

At some point Joan and Helen slunk back into the house and when she saw them, she immediately yelled at them, "stay away from us, we're getting out of here." 

Neither of them knew how to respond to the frantic state that she was in, so they retreated to their rooms.  I could see Helen wanting to help but I think a part of Joan just wanted to escape the chaos she was causing.

Mom quickly realized that there was nothing she could do to make me start packing.  She could order me to leave and scream at me and tell me how dangerous this all was, but I had already come to terms with risking my life and with her hating me, so I sat on my bed and obstinately refused to comply with her demands.  Finally, she started opening drawers and throwing my stuff into my suitcase.  "Stop touching my stuff," I yelled, hating how much I sounded like the whiney teenager trope.  I hated it so much I almost gave into her demands, but I reminded myself that my life wasn't a coming-of-age movie where I later realized my parents had been right all along, my mom was leaving my cousins to die.

"Either you pack your stuff, I pack your stuff, or you spend the next month of summer without clothes because you're sixteen years old Addison and I'm still your mother.  You're not staying here."

Fitz would normally have been helping me in an us against our mom way, but he watched the whole scene perplexed.  The longer he was away from Helen the more he seemed to remember about this morning and the angrier he seemed to get at the way I had treated him.  My head was hurting, and I felt like I couldn't keep up with how quickly things had gone wrong.  I still didn't believe we would leave and a nagging voice in the back of my head kept asking who was standing guard.

By the time mom had the bags packed and Vivian changed into traveling clothes I was running out of things to use to fuel my denial.  Then as she started to load the car Ruth came out of her room, "Aunt Liz what's going on?"  I couldn't tell if she was faking her confusion or if her sisters hadn't yet updated her, but it gave Mom pause.

"Kids go downstairs," Mom ordered and Fitz and Vivian immediately complied, I hesitated, and she turned on me with a glare that sent me after my siblings.  I hid near the bottom of the stairs, making sure that I could hear the conversation.

"Is everything ok?"  Ruth asked calmly as if the house hadn't descended into chaos.

"No, Ruth, it isn't.  We're leaving," Mom's voice didn't have the same anger it had when she was talking to Joan or Helen, Ruth was always so calm it was hard to direct that kind of anger at her.

"Please don't go.  Did something happen?"  

"I know about your sisters.  I know what they are, and I know Helen has been using her power on my children," Mom sounded upset but still not angry.  I almost thought she was going to cry.

Ruth's confusion seemed to have been genuine because at this she just said, "oh," as if all the wind had been knocked out of her.  "That's not acceptable.  I'll make sure she doesn't do it again, but you don't have to go."  The lie felt almost funny when I knew just a few days earlier Ruth had asked Helen to use her power on me, but it was also convincing, and I think in mom's shoes I would have believed her.

"No, we're going." Mom's statement sounded final, "but you don't have to stay here.  You don't have to be like them.  You can come with us."  Mom pleaded and I had to physically hold my mouth closed at the shock.

"What?  What do you mean?"  Ruth sounded almost startled, and I wished I had been upstairs to see her face.

"Addison told me you all are in danger," Mom said, "your sisters are staying, they've made their choice, but you don't have to Ruthie."  Mom hadn't called her Ruthie since we were kids and as she begged it sounded like she was on the verge of tears.  

"You want me to leave?"  Ruth was still struggling to process what my mom was saying to her.

"They've always been your mother through and through, unpredictable and dramatic, but Ruth I can see you're more like me.  You could tell Miguel and do the long-distance thing until it was safe, then you could have a normal life."  Mom had clearly thought this through, and I was beginning to wonder if this pitch wasn't why we came here this summer in the first place.

"I'm not with Miguel," Ruth said absently as if that was the most important part of what Mom said, "I didn't want him mixed up in all of this."  The red eyes and crying after the bookstore now made sense.

"You can explain it was a mistake.  This doesn't have to be your life," Mom continued and I could hear the hope in her voice.

Ruth drew in a deep breath before speaking again, "No."

Now it was mom's turn to be confused, "what do you mean?"

"My sisters need me, like you said we're in danger.  I'm not leaving them and I'm not giving up my power.  This is who I am."

"It doesn't have to be," Mom hadn't waited a whole summer to say this just to quit now.

"Aunt Liz, I love you, but I won't leave them.  There is no danger or promise of a different life that will make me walk away from Helen and Joan.  If you're asking me to pick between you all and them, I pick them."

"I'm asking you to pick yourself and the life you could have."

"And I still pick them."  Now it was Ruth's voice that sounded final, she wasn't coming with us.

Mom let out a sob, "please, I can't lose you again." 

I couldn't see them, but I pictured Mom looking at Ruth, the daughter who was identical to Aunt Maggie, and realizing that this was the last time she'd see her.  I knew that when we came back it wasn't really to save my cousins, it was because Mom wanted another chance to save her sister.  For the first time I wondered what this conversation had looked like years ago when Mom was really having it with her twin.

Ruth must have been thinking the same thing because she said, "I guess you were wrong.  We're all mom through and through."

Mom didn't say anything else she just turned and came down the stairs.  I didn't move quickly enough, and she grabbed my arm.  "Fitz, Vivian, we're leaving."  My siblings appeared and we started moving toward the car, her half dragging me.

In a last attempt I kicked my legs and yelled, "Ruth, Helen, Joan."  Within a few seconds all three of them were following us out.

Joan mouthed sorry and Helen stood there with tears in her eyes.  Only Ruth spoke directly to me, "go with your mom Addison, you've already helped us enough.  We're going to be ok."

I nodded with tears in my eyes and stopped resisting.  She knew I wasn't abandoning them, she knew I had no choice but to go.  My cousins loved me but if they had the chance to go with their mom again, they wouldn't hesitate.  We loaded into the car.  Vivian was crying even though she didn't understand what was going on and Fitz was so mad at me he immediately angled his body toward the window.  As mom started to pull away Helen ran after us, "Wait, Addy, wait" Mom didn't stop, "I love you, I'm sorry."  She said waving from the end of the driveway.

As we pulled down the road, I took one final look at my three cousins standing together in tears and it started to rain.