My Three Cousins

Chapter Thirty-Five

Hearing my mother suggest that we could bring Helen and Ruth back made the room spin and I had to lower myself on an island stool.  I didn't want to be too hasty to trust it and get my heart broken all over again, "What are you talking about?"

"I've been thinking this over.  Your grandma Jane taught me about magic when I was younger, and I think there a might be a way to go back and fix it."  

It was weird to hear my mother talk about magic so casually and she almost never mentioned her own mother, but I didn't have time to focus on that if there was a chance I could save my cousins.  "Like go back in time?"  I asked incredulously.

"Yes," Mom drew the word out hesitantly, "but I really would rather talk about this when Joan is better able to be part of the conversation." 

"Then let's go tell her now," I said eagerly, "once she hears this, she'll want to be part of the conversation."  I got up from my stool and there was a part of me that was angry that Mom had let Joan suffer when she knew there was a chance to bring her sisters back.

"No," Mom said, "she'll want to try to bring them back right away when she's not physically or emotionally in the correct state to do so.  If she tries to bring them back before she's ready, then it will be too much for her power.  Instead of saving Ruth and Helen we will lose Joan and maybe you." 

The last part confused me since I didn't have a power to offer.  I was also reminded how much talking to Mom sometimes felt like talking to Ruth and this reminder came with a sharp pain in my chest as I missed my cousin, even though she had died less than twenty-four hours ago.  "So, we just wait?" I asked, thinking about my cousins' bodies laying out in the yard.

"Until she's ready," Mom confirmed.

I hated that answer, but I didn't know how to get Mom to change her mind and I didn't want to put Joan at risk, so I didn't argue further.  I did know that Mom wasn't always going to be so willing to talk openly about magic, so I decided to take advantage of the situation.  "So do you have powers?"  I asked.

Her mouth dropped open in shock and for once my mother seemed like she didn't know what to say.  Then, with her characteristic sigh, she got up from the island. 

"Don't just walk away from me."  I was offended that even after everything I'd been through, she still wouldn't talk to me about this.

"No," she said, "we just can't talk here."  She looked up at the ceiling above us as if she thought Fitz and Vivian had their ear pressed to the ground to gain information.

I got up and followed her.  She walked upstairs and straight down the hall to Aunt Maggie's room.  Her hand hesitated on the doorknob as if she didn't want to go in but then she pulled it open and walked inside.  I pretended that I didn't see the tears fill her eyes as she stepped into her sister's untouched room.  Without hesitation she walked to the closet and pulled on the exact right place on the shelf, before bending over and walking into the tunnel.  It was shocking to see how comfortably my mom fell into the life of magic and the mysteries of this house.

"How'd you know about the tunnel in Aunt Maggie's closet?"  I asked before we could even make it to the room at the end.

"I usually call it a hallway, but it has always been here.  This used to be my mom's room and Maggie only moved in after your grandma Jane died." Mom laughed and it felt good to see someone able to laugh again even if I wasn't quite ready to join in.

Once we sat in the room, I returned to what I really wanted to know, "so do you have a power?"

"No," Mom answered.

I was immediately annoyed, "we walked all the way down here just for you to say no?"

Mom gave me a disapproving look, "remember who you are talking to."  She scolded.

"Yes ma'am," I said, realizing that I had disrespected my mom more in the last three weeks than the rest of my life combined.

"I had a power," Mom continued, "when I was younger, I could conjure things, only small things.  No bigger than what I could hold in my hand.  It worked best if I had something to turn into something else but by the time, I lost my power I was able to conjure some things from air molecules." 

My mouth fell open and I didn't know which question I wanted to ask her first.  Ultimately, my hurt came to the surface before anything else, "why didn't you tell me?" 

"I never wanted you to be a part of any of this.  I was hoping you could have a normal life and that by having a normal life you'd have a safe one.  It was always my plan to move us away from your cousins before they got their powers.  I made Maggie promise she would never tell you, but I didn't think I could get your cousins to do the same and I was right."

"It was due a lack of trying on their part," I admitted.

"I assumed as much," she smiled when she said this even though I knew my finding out about magic had been everything she didn't want out of our lives.

"What happened to your power?"

"When you have powers Addison life is a lot like these last few days with your cousins.  Evil will find you and try to attack, you can't leave the house often because it is the only safe place.  After your grandpa Joe was killed Maggie, your grandma, and I all lived here fighting them with no breaks.  I hated every minute of it.  I spent days studying to make sure I'd have enough power to get through the next attack.  I was always afraid of losing one of them."

I nodded because what she was saying sounded similar to everything Ruth had told me.  "So, you gave up your power?"  I asked.

"I thought about it, but it isn't that easy.  I had stronger magic than Maggie did.  Mom needed me to carry on the magic because with how little Maggie knew about it and how little she had trained her power there was a chance she wouldn't pass it on to her children.  It was something our family had worried about for a long time, we were running out of magic."

"Ruth told me that," I admitted.

"Good, I'm glad her mom told her." Mom said, "during one fight Maggie lost her power.  She didn't know how to keep going without it and I did, so I transferred my power to her.  Then I left because I wasn't safe here without the ability to protect myself." 

"You just gave her your power?"  I asked shocked.

"It sounds like a hard choice, but it wasn't.  I wasn't close with your grandma Jane, I already wanted a normal life, and I would have given anything for my sister." 

"Do you regret it?" 

"No, because if I had stayed here and had magic, I would have been battling all these years and I wouldn't have you or Fitz."  She smiled then stood up, "let's go upstairs.  We'll talk about this more when Joan is ready." 

For the first time I felt like I was really starting to see who my mom was.