My Three Cousins

Chapter Eighteen

When I finally woke up Ruth was bent over me spraying my face with something wet that smelled like roses.  Helen was sat on the ground by my chair, holding my limp hand.  At first, I thought she had been using her power on me, but then I realized I didn't feel the warm sensation or the haziness of being manipulated.  I struggled to look at her and confirmed my suspicions; her hand wasn't glowing.  I still felt exhausted and groggy.  "She's awake," Ruth said to a pacing Joan.

"Oh, my goodness, Addy."  Helen jumped to her feet and threw her arms around me, "I'm so sorry.  I'm so sorry.  We should not have made you do that; it should have been me."

"Let her breathe, Helen," Ruth said gently pulling Helen off of me with a relieved laugh.  "I'm sorry Addison, we should have known to end it sooner.  It's hard sometimes because we have so much to say to Mom."

Joan walked over to join her sisters as they stood around me, "but you really helped us out, Addison.  We're going to be able to figure this out thanks to you."

I almost appreciated Joan's assurance more than Helen's or Ruth's apologies.  "Is that not what is supposed to happen?"  I asked and my voice sounded dry and cracking.

"It sort of is," Helen said.  "But you've been out for a long time.  It's almost 5am."

"What?"  I said trying to sit up but the energy it took to be shocked drained me.  "My mom is going to wake up." 

"Which is why we're so glad you're awake," Helen said trying to make her voice sound happy, not worried, but in her exhaustion her acting skills were lack luster at best.

"Come on we'll help you get to bed." Ruth said.  She and Helen each took one of my arms and they helped me out of the room and back down the tunnel.  They led me all the way to my door.  "We don't want to wake Fitz, do you think you can get into bed by yourself?"  Ruth asked softly.

The real answer was no, but that didn't seem like an option, so I just nodded, and they let go of my arms.  I wobbled for a minute and reached for the door frame.  Ruth put her hands out to steady me, but I had already caught myself, so they just hung mid-air inches from me, uncertainly.

Helen opened the door, and I stumbled inside to my bed.  One of them closed the door behind me and I didn't bother trying to get under the covers.  It had taken all of my energy to make it to the mattress.

"You had a late night," Fitz groggily mumbled in his sleep then he quickly began snoring again.

I didn't have time to think about the fact that my brother had caught us before I fell back asleep.

It didn't seem like I got to rest nearly long enough before there was a knock on my door and my mom poked her head inside.  "Addison it's already 2pm are you feeling ok?"

"No," I practically groaned, pulling a pillow over my head to block out the light so I could go back to sleep.  This only made her more curious, and she came into the room, closing the door behind her.

"Is it your period?"  She asked, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"No mom," I whined, wishing she would leave me alone and let me sleep, "I'm just tired."

"You've been 'just tired' a lot this summer."  I could hear the worry starting to creep into her voice and I knew I had to do something to dispel it soon or else she wasn't going to let me get anymore rest, "are you feeling sad?  We can take you to see someone.  I know you didn't want to come here, but I thought you were getting along with your cousins."  

Mom rambled when she was nervous, it was a trait we shared.  "Really mom," I said trying to sound as sincere as possible despite the exhaustion that made it hard to lift my head off the pillow. "I just stayed up too late last night."

She looked uncertain, "Addison you can tell me if something is going on.  I promise I won't be mad."

I sighed and tried to roll away from her, but she just started stroking my hair as if this was confirmation, I had a deep dark secret.  "Is it your cousins?"  She asked gently.

I was once again caught off guard by how quickly my mother was able to find the center of the problem.  I wondered how much she really knew but I knew I couldn't ask her or admit to anything.  If me sleeping in late worried her I could only imagine what she would do if she knew I was learning about my cousin's magic powers by giving my energy to their dead mom so we could defeat the guy who had tried to kill them and murdered Aunt Maggie.  "No, I'm glad to be here, Mom.  It's just the summer and I want to sleep in.  Please."  I stretched out the last word in the hopes that she would assume this was just normal, whiney teenager behavior.

She still looked worried, but she let her shoulders slump and said, "Ok sweet girl, please get up and join us soon."  She then kissed me on the forehead.  I thought she would leave then but she paused, "I just get nervous when its noon and you're not up.  I always think I'm going to come in here and find something wrong."

A lump formed in my throat, and I felt guilty that I had been lying to her because I knew what she really meant.  She meant anytime any one of my kids doesn't wake up I'm worried that they died in their sleep like my twin sister did.  I knew that when she went to bed every night, she thought of Aunt Maggie going to bed and never getting up again.  This realization was made worse by the fact that I knew she was worrying over a lie and that I really was putting myself directly in front of the thing that killed her twin sister.  I wished I could tell her what Aunt Maggie asked me to, but I knew it was too dangerous.  I silently promised that some day when it was safer, and I knew I couldn't get in trouble, I would tell her.

"I'm fine, mom."  I said trying to sound kinder than I had for the rest of the conversation.

"Good," this time she really did get up and move toward the door.

I felt terrible I couldn't do more to comfort her.  As she walked away, I felt like I was looking at a younger version of my mom.  The version whose whole world was her twin sister, before she had me and Fitz and Vivian and Hal.  "Hey mom," I said, suddenly not wanting her to walk away and leave me alone.

"Yeah?"  She asked turning, her face once again displaying worry.

"I love you," I said because it was all I could say, even though a million better things came to mind.

"I love you, too."