My Three Cousins

Chapter Thirty-Four

Exhaustion won out over grief that night and I managed to sleep soundly.  When I woke up, I wished I was still asleep because when I was asleep I didn't know Helen and Ruth were dead.  The next morning Mom made a large breakfast, but I couldn't bring myself to eat it.  Mom struggled to keep Vivian from going outside for most of the day, so I knew the bodies hadn't been moved.  I stayed away from the windows and tried not to think about what state my cousins would be in.  Joan didn't come down all day and Fitz avoided me as if I was contagious.  It made for a quiet house and I was relieved when there was a knock on the door around noon.

"I'll get it," Mom said even though no one else was moving to answer it.

"Hello," Lennox's now familiar voice said once Mom opened the door, "I was wondering if I'd be able to see Addison."

"Yeah, come in Lennox." Mom said and I realized I must have missed them meeting amidst all the chaos.  "We have food."

"Oh, I've already eaten, but thank you."  Lennox's tone was different than usual.  There was a cautiousness to their voice that suggested they were nervous.

"Hi Lennox," I said, surprised to see them but also grateful for the distraction from the sadness that hung around me.  I was going to suggest we go somewhere to talk more privately but I realized that with Fitz upstairs in our shared room and the bodies outside there was really nowhere for us to go.

"I won't stay long I just wanted to come see how you were doing today," they smiled sympathetically but I could also feel an uncertainty like they weren't sure what to say or do.

"I don't know," I answered, realizing it was as truthful as I could be.

"I get that," they said but I got the sense that they didn't really.  Today, unlike yesterday, I felt like I could survive but it didn't know if understanding that I would make it through the day, without knowing if I wanted to, really counted as ok.

"How'd you explain where you were yesterday?"  I asked.

"Visiting a friend.  Claimed the car damage was a fender bender.  Mom's fixing it as we speak so I actually came over in her car." 

"Your parents weren't suspicious?"

"I don't have the suspicious kind of parents and I'm not really the kind of kid who has ever given them reason to be suspicious."  I nodded as if I understood even though I definitely had the suspicious kind of mom.

Lennox and I talked about everything but what we went through yesterday and then they said they better get going.  I told them goodbye and then headed upstairs, hoping to take a shower.

Upstairs, I walked past the bathroom to Joan's room where I pressed my ear to the door.  It was silent and I hoped it was because she was asleep, but I doubted it.  I gently knocked but didn't receive an answer.  Slowly, I opened the door, "Joan?"  I asked cautiously.  

She had a chair pulled up to the window and was looking out into the yard where her sisters' sheet-covered bodies lay.  "Joan?"  I asked, my voice so hesitant and quiet I wasn't sure if I even heard it.

She didn't turn her head, so I walked up next to her.  "How are you doing?"  I asked and the question seemed stupid once it was out in the air between us.

"Fine," she answered curtly, "I'm watching out for them." 

I nodded, understanding that even though we had managed to get her inside she hadn't been willing to take her eyes off of her little sisters.  "Joan, you don't have to watch them."

"Go away, Addison," she said angrily and for a moment I was happy to hear she sounded like herself again.  I turned and left.

I took my shower quickly and then went downstairs to find Mom.  As I walked into the kitchen, I heard a car pull out of the driveway.  "Who was that?"  I asked Mom, confused why I hadn't heard someone arrive.

"Lennox," she said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Didn't they leave a while ago?"  I asked.  I was confused how my mother and Lennox had gotten to know each other so well over the last twelve hours.

"I wanted to check on them, so we had a cup of tea," Mom said pointing to the two mugs in the sink.

"Oh," only then realizing that yesterday I had asked Lennox to help me kill someone and get rid of the evidence but today I hadn't asked them how they were doing.

I shook the thought of Mom and Lennox chatting out of my head before moving on to what I had really come down to talk about, "we need to move their bodies."

I could tell Mom was caught off guard by this statement.  "We will," she said with a curt tone that told me she wanted to drop the topic.

"No, we need to do it soon.  If someone comes looking for them, we're not going to be able to explain what happened."  I said even though that was only part of my motive for wanting them moved.

Mom let out a sigh, "when did my sweet daughter start thinking about cover ups and being hunted by the law."

I just stared at her in a way that suggested that I wasn't going to dignify that question with a response, really, I knew that any response I would give would hurt her.

"Once Joan is feeling up to it, I wanted to talk to you both about that," Mom said and as she spoke a weariness came over her and each word seemed labored.

"I don't think we can wait for Joan to be feeling up to it."  I answered.  "She's just sitting at her window staring at their bodies.  Part of the reason we need to move them is to give her some closure."  This statement made me picture burying my cousins in unmarked graves in the yard we all used to play in, and the thought made bile rise up in my throat.

"We have to wait for her," Mom said, choosing her words carefully.  "I think I have a way to get them back, but we'll need Joan."