Betrayal

Home for christmas

I haven't spoken to Mattheo in days and now it's time to pack my bag to go home for the holidays. I'm happy to be able to leave Hogwarts for a little while. It's all been hurting a lot here, so hopefully going home will take my mind off of everything for a bit. 

'Are you ready, babe? The train is leaving in an hour, so we need to leave soon.' Pansy voice pulled me out of my thoughts. 'Hmm...?' I responded. 'Are you finished packing? We're leaving soon.' She repeated. 'Yes, almost finished.' 'How are you feeling, babe?' Sometimes I hate sharing a room with my best friend, because she can always see when I'm not feeling alright. 'I'm fine.' I lied. 'Y/N, don't lie to me. It's okay, not to feel alright.' She looked at me with those sad puppy dog eyes, hoping I would tell her how I really felt. Ever since our cozy day in bed, I've been saying that I'm fine. But, in reality  I feel like actual shit. EVERYTHING hurts. But, I don't want to admit it. 'I'm fine, Pansy.' I lied once again. 'Well, I'm not, so could you give me a hug to make me feel better?' She had a tiny smile on her face to show me she was lying to me to be able to give me a hug, but I didn't care. I could use a hug. I walked over to Pansy and she took me in her arms. The warmth and comfort reminded me of the comfort I felt in Mattheo's arms and just like that a tear slipped out of my eye. I tried to wipe it away without Pansy seeing it, but she was me first. 'Babe, can you please let it out? It's not good letting all your emotions stay cropped up inside of you.' 'Pans, you know I can't. If I let it out, it will never go back inside and I don't want to be a mess. Mattheo's has done enough, he will not break me even further.' This was the truth. I knew that if I started crying, I wouldn't stop and I would be a mess on the train. And there's one thing I don't want to do and that is crying in front of my friends. Those tears are for me and noone else. 'Okay, but just know, it's not a crime to be a mess and if you need me, I'm just an owl away okay?' 'I know.' I smiled at Pansy before moving back to my trunk and finishing up packing it. 

After we were both finished packing, we made our way to the Hogwarts Express to go back to London. We sat in the same traincompartment as Theo, Draco, Blaise and Mattheo. None of us knew what to say for the first half hour, so we all kept quiet. Every one of us knew exactly what happened between Mattheo and me and nobody wanted to speak about it. After that first half hour, Pansy started talking. 'Okay... since nobody else is going to say anything, I'll start. What are you guys' plans for the holiday?' Luckily that started a conversation between her, Draco, Blaise and Theo, which made the awkwardness a whole lot less. Now it was just Mattheo and me who weren't talking anymore. I knew I needed myself to keep busy, so I grabbed one of my schoolbooks and started reading it. This way I would be able to study a bit more before my holiday truly started and I wouldn't have to focus on the quietness between Mattheo and I. Only I couldn't focus on the book at all, since I felt Mattheo's gaze burn on my skin. It took eveything I had not to look at him, but I did it. For the whole trainride back home, I didn't look at him once. 

During the next week, I caught my parents up about how my classes were going and they told Hermione and me what we missed in the Muggle world. Next to that we made our preparations for Christmas and today we celebrated it together. After our Christmas celebration was over, I went outside to let Loki out for a small flight. I walked over to the park, we both know way too well and sat down on one of the benches. I was lost in my thoughts, when I heard a familiar panting. I looked up to see Daisy running up to me. She jumped halfway up my lap and gave me some kisses. 'Hi, beautiful girl. I've missed you!' I gave Daisy a big hug, while another figure came into sight. 'Nawwh, thank you Y/N, I've missed you too. Or were you talking to Daisy?' Mrs. Ella said with a laugh. 'Oh hi Mrs. Ella. Ofcourse I was talking to you. How have you been?' I said to her. 'I'm lying, I was definitely talking to you sweet Daisy.' I whispered to Daisy just loud enough for Mrs. Ella to still hear. Mrs. Ella started to laugh even harder, before answering my question. 'I'm doing quite alright Y/N. How have you been? Everything going alright at school?' Mrs. Ella sat down next to me on the bench. 'It could be better to be honest. But, I'm still doing alright as well.' I answered. 'How so? Did something happen?' Mrs. Ella showed genuine concern. 'Well, I broke up with my boyfriend.' 'Why did you do such a thing? Was he not treating you right, sweetheart?' 'No, he was. It just... He wasn't doing it for the right reasons. It's complicated.' I tried to explain without giving anything away about the whole Voldemort thing. Mrs. Ella is a muggle, so she doesn't know anything about the Wizarding war or even Wizardry itself. So, I couldn't tell her more even if I wanted to. 'Oh, that doesn't sound good, Y/N. Are you alright?' 'I will be, Mrs. Ella. But, tell me. How has our sweet angel Daisy been?' Mrs. Ella noticed that I didn't want to talk about Mattheo anymore, so she thank goodness joined me in changing the subject. 'Well, she's been such a sweetheart for me. Lots of cuddles and kisses. And ofcourse she makes sure I go outside everyday, so she's been wonderful.' 'I'm glad.'