The Station House

Chapter 9

They lay there looking at the ceiling. Nothing but their breathing filling the silence in the room for what feels like an eternity. "I can't believe that this is what I've been missing." He says. She rolls onto her side and looks at him. She begins running her finger down over his chest. "I spent 12 years questioning what spending my life with you would be like. If it's anything like these past few days have been like it's more than I could have ever dreamed of. Yet right now I can't stop thinking about how it'll never be enough... he rolls onto his side and looks into her eyes - I'll never have enough of you Liv"

She pulls his head to her chest and holds him tightly. She sighs. "Sadly I know the feeling all too well." She holds him for a few moments before gently pushing him over until he's lying on his back. She positions herself on top of him before laying down and melting into him, burying her face into his chest. She inhales deeply while caressing him. His chest hairs brushing against her fingers.

He reaches up and places a hand on the back of her head. He begins to gently rub her head with his hand, bringing the other up and running it over her back. They lay there. Breathing each other in. Consumed in each other. Blissfully enjoying the feeling of their skin touching. It's not sexual in nature, it's not lustful or about desire, but instead about the love and longing they've had for each other for years.

It's peaceful and comfortable- tranquil in a way that they never thought possible. They lay there for what feels like hours just enjoying each other's presence. "I wish we could stay here forever." She says quietly. He leans his head down and kisses the top of her head. "Yeah-he sighs disappointedly-me too."

He runs his fingers through her hair. "You make me feel safe El. In a way I've never felt before." He smiles warmly."You're always safe with me Liv." He gently grabs under her chin and tilts her face towards his. He places a gentle kiss on her lips before leaning his head back against the pillow again. She groans annoyedly "I'll be right back I'm going to go grab my water she pushes up off of him and begins to. slide off the bed. "No, no stay I'll get it." He smiles.

He hurries his way down the hallway through the living room and the dining room to the kitchen. He grabs her glass of water and begins to head back to the bedroom. He stops and pauses breifly before pivoting and heading towards the front door. He locks it and turns around to head back to the bedroom. He notices an envelope on the table in the corridor that he doesn't recognize. He grabs it and heads into the bedroom, stopping in the doorway just before he enters the room and watches her.

"What are you doing El?" She smiles earnestly. He raises his shoulders. "Just taking it all in." She tilts her head inquisitivly "Never thought I'd see the day where I seen Olivia Benson in my bed.... Let alone a naked Olivia Benson in my bed." He smiles seductively and chuckles. He walks over and crawls into the bed and hands her her water. "Is this yours? He asks as he holds up the envelope. She nods her head slowly while sipping her water. She sets her water on the stand in her side of the bed "Okay I just wanted to make sure. I found it in the corridor and didn't recognize it." He extends his arm to hand it to her. She stares at the envelope in his hand for a few moments before muttering "Open it."

He confusingly shakes his head and tries to hand it back to her again. She gently pushes his hand away. "Open it..It's for you." His face grows serious. He pauses and looks at the envelope hesitantly. A few moments pass and he places his finger under the lip of it and slides his finger the length of the envelope. He pauses before flipping the envelope open. Inside he sees what looks to be quite a few pieces of paper folded together. He looks at Liv. She tilts her head towards him urging him to continue. He takes the paper out and unfolds it.

He takes note that it's addressed to him. His heart flutters and he eagerly asks "What is it Liv?" She pauses briefly before looking at him and smiling. "I've written you a letter every year on the anniversary of our partnership. Each year I spent hours thinking of the perfect way to tell you how much I love you. I wanted to tell you how much you meant to me. How you were the one thing in my life that I looked forward to every day. How when we had exceptionally bad cases or when I went through anything hard in life, I wanted you to hold me. I wanted to tell you how no man ever measured up to you, despite the fact that I desperately tried to fill that void, it was always you. You were the one that I longed for. The one that my heart ached for every single minute of every single day. And each year I would take the time to write the letter, rewriting it and rewording it a thousand times, telling myself that this was the year that I would finally follow through with it so the letter had to be perfect, but I always found myself circling all the same reasons not to give it to you."

"Kathy." He mutters quietly almost to himself. "And the kids. She adds. I didn't want to break up your family" He nods slowly but comprehensively. He begins to read the letters. His eyes fiercely focused on the paper. She watches him nervously. A butterfly feeling in her stomach as her heart flutters. She takes notice of how focused he is. After what feels like forever he finally takes hold of the last page and she watches him closely, eagerly waiting for him to finish. He finishes reading it and pauses breifly before setting them all down on the bed.

He doesn't move or say anything. Liv sits up and rests her head against his shoulder. "El...? He exhales shakily but remains silent. She begins rubbing her hand over his back soothingly as she kisses his shoulder. "El talk to me.." he turns his head in her direction slightly, resting his head on his own shoulder. She gently grabs his face and turns it towards hers looking into his eyes. He pauses breifly. "I wish I would have known. I wish you would have given me any one of these letters. I genuinely understand why you didn't, the fact you thought you were protecting me and my family by not saying anything can only make me love you more but I just wish we hadn't wasted all the years we could have spent together, happily."

She exhales. "I know me too." They hug each other tightly. "God I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry Liv. I should have seen it." She inhales deeply. "Well you're right about that." She says playfully. They both chuckle and hug each other tighter. They pull back slowly and rest their heads together shortly before moving towards each other until their lips are touching. They share a slow tender kiss before pulling away and sliding up in the bed. Elliot grabs the letter and the envelope and sets it on his nightstand. Liv lays into him resting her head on his chest and he pulls the covers up over their bodies. His arms tucked underneath her body cupped around her gently rubbing her back. They both begin to drift off before Liv sleepily whispers "I love you El."

Her words fill his heart in ways he almost doesn't believe suddenly hes practically wide awake, he smiles ecstatically before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. With his lips still pressed against her skin, he whispers softly "I love you too Liv... forever and always."