Elemental Wolves

{Chapter Twenty} - M

Teagan

I loved being with him. I loved all of the attention I was getting from him and giving him. It felt like a piece of me was finally being healed and piece was taken for him and being protected by him.

It felt good to just open up and let some things go. The best part was that I didn't have to think too hard about what to talk about. It just felt natural.

Even the comfortable silences felt normal.

Just sitting here on the floor, enjoying each other's presence. I didn't even feel like I needed to win it or earn it. It didn't feel like finally being given the time of day warranted any justification.

Something I'd always longed for in my life, and here I was finally living it as my reality. And I couldn't get enough of it. And I'd defend it with every inch of my life.

I felt so close to him, in almost every way. I would say I want to be in his skin, but that might be the best and hormones talking. He opened to me in a way I never thought he ever would. He even showed me has 'sanctuary' as he likes to call it.

It was so beautiful and regal. Just being here makes me feel big and tall. Strong and powerful. Like I had enough give out to anyone who needs it.

Something I knew I had to work on was not seeing everyone else the same way I perceived myself and my own tendencies. Just because I'm much less likely to open up doesn't mean everyone else is the same way.

But never once in my life did I ever think he'd feel the same things I once felt. Being all great and powerful, but feeling empty inside is something I never thought about.

His lifestyle in a sense made it normal to neglect himself. I know I'm one to talk, but I didn't want to contribute to that. I wanted him to invest in himself like he did everyone and everything outside of him.

And I finally shared how I was feeling in our relationship so far. It wasn't all of it, but it's what I felt comfortable with right now. It felt good to speak what I thought and not be judged or punished for it. That's gonna take awhile to get used to.

I think I want to go to therapy for him and get some help working on my issues, but I don't want to tell him that. I want him there when I walk in, but it's something I need to do for myself.

And I need it to be more of wanting to do it for myself than only him and the sake of our relationship. I don't know if that makes sense, I haven't had too much mental clarity to think about it lately. Especially recently.

Right now though, I wanted to be closer to him in very different way. A much more physical way. Like we were earlier.

When he'd used me so dominantly. I felt like I was being strangled from the inside out. And I could HEAR myself. And I'm not talking about the moans. It felt good. I felt cared about.

Is that what sex is supposed to be like?

What we were doing now was not even close to what I had in mind when he said there were a couple of other reasons as to why we came here.

And now I'm thoroughly disappointed. Imagine the surprise on my face when I found out it was so he could make me work instead. I'm actually sort of upset about it.