stand here with me || h.s

4.

Four : Hallie

The minute I stepped back onto Southern California soil, I felt like I could finally breathe again. The heaviness that the East Coast had brought upon me wasn't something I'd grown to like, not in any way. The first day back was spent looking at houses. The Gower Street house just wasn't it. It was cute and all, but I couldn't see myself living there. Plus, like Adam had said, it wasn't the best area. The Beverly Crest home, however...I fell in love with it all over again. The yard was pretty and gardeny and it had a pool and a pond and a nice area for the dogs...it was perfect. I really, really liked it. The only downside was that the distance between our—Harry's house was miniscule. Literally, a block away. I don't even think there was a mile separating us. That gave me anxiety, like, severe anxiety. So, with that being said, the second day was spent contemplating whether I'd swallow the pain of being so close to him or whether I'd be a massive baby and continue on with my search. I knew I had to make a decision soon though because I absolutely could not deal with Adam's dick of a roommate for another second. We had only been back three days and I already wanted to drown him, or strangle him. Either way would get the job done. I hadn't planned on doing anything, but when Shana texted me, asking if I wanted to go to a party downtown, I jumped at the chance. It was going to be a big one, but I was okay with that. The escape was very much needed. Somehow, I'd convinced Adam to stay back with the dogs and he seemed apt to do so, which was also a relief. I needed space—I needed freedom. I couldn't be spending my weekends with him, especially not every weekend. He wasn't my boyfriend and he wasn't my best friend. I could only handle so much at a time. So I dressed up and I went out and I was only slightly drunk when a familiar face pulled me off to the side and into a drunken hug. He was possibly one of the last people I wanted to see at this time. the night had gone so well until this fucking moment. "How've ya been, babe?"

"Um, yeah, okay...you?"

"Been fine, yeah, real swell." It was clear that he was inebriated, but I think I was more so. This was all just my luck. Running into one of them wasn't inevitable, but it still happened. The odds were not in my favor, clearly. "You've been in the big apple for a bit, haven't you? You back for good?" I wasn't sure if he was just trying to wean information out of me, or if he was just being friendly. My anxiety, the anxiety that he brought upon me, as well as anyone associated with him, it was entirely and mercilessly taking over my already buzzing body.

"Yep. Movie finished filming a few days ago."

"Nice, nice...I can't wait to see it, really...Harry said the screenplay was ace, so..." Just the mention of his name sent my stomach into a whirlwind of craziness. What should have been butterflies, were eagles, or like...a fucking California Condor and my heart was aching, a terrible, painful ache.

"Yeah, it should be awesome. Release date is going to be sometime within the next year. Probably this coming Spring."

"That's sick, Hallie. I'm happy for you, we all are." I forced a smile, wanting out of this conversation.

"Thanks, Louis." His blue eyes were slightly glassed over, but his smile faded, turning into more of a pitying smirk.

"You know, he's not sleeping." My knees were going to buckle at any second.

"I'm sorry to hear that..." I felt like I was drowning. I felt like water was slowly filling into my lungs and I honestly thought that it was possible, that death in this exact moment was very much possible.

"He's a mess, Hallie. A fucking mess, really."

"I—I don't know what you want me to say to that, Louis."

"Say something. Say that you miss him or that you're a mess or that you still love him, say fucking something because this—all of this you and him on separate sides...it's not working for any of us—"

"I'm sorry about that—"

"He loves you, Hallie. He fucking loves you. He cries and he mopes and he doesn't fucking sleep and he loves you. Just talk to him..."

"Louis, please stop—just stop." He shut his mouth and rolled his eyes.

"You're being ridiculous. I really like you, Hallie. I like him for you, I like how he is with you—he's fucking happy. Just talk to him? Just give him a chance to explain because if anyone jumped to conclusions, it's you. Nadine practically jumped him and he was fighting her off the entire time until he—"

"I don't want to fucking talk about this. I don't care what happened that night! I would've let him explain, but I told him I needed a few days. I found shit out that week that was stressing me out and that was the last thing I needed. The minute I left, he went off and fucked a bunch of girls—I told him that I just needed a few days! He fucked up. Not me. I didn't jump to conclusions. I believe you, that he didn't intentionally cheat on me that night, but he did cheat on me every fucking night after that. I'm not talking to him, I don't want to talk to him, I am never going to be ready to talk to him, so please don't ever mention this to me again." He shook his head, clearly disappointed.

"He loves you. He calls you the love of his life..." I felt sick for eightieth-thousandth time this week. "Don't fucking give up on him. Not yet. He still hasn't given up on you." I went to walk away when he grabbed my arm. "He's not sleeping."

"Fucking hell, Louis! Neither am I!" I moved my arm out of his grasp and left him standing in the semi-empty hallway.