Hesitation 18+🔞

Chapter 26: Released

By the Saturday, you still haven't heard from Gwen. The Commander remains in his coma and all operations within the Survey Corps HQ is at a halt. As the day drags on, you find yourself cleaning to keep occupied. It's easy to run out of things to do, but by next week, you'll be training again. It's difficult to remain in high spirits as the exhaustion is shared among all of your comrades, it's no surprise that people aren't able to sleep well given the state of constant uncertainty we're in. Since it's the weekend, you submit a request to visit Gwen in the Garrison HQ, hoping that Hange will approve it.

After some time in the stables with Mara, you head back inside the building and Moblit stops you.

"Cadet (L/N), please head to Section Commanders office at a quarter after 11."

"Thank you, sir. I'll be there."

You glance towards the clock at the wall, you have about an hour to kill, spending your time shading in the last sections of your tattoo, a reminder that in each battle you carry the strength of your comrades.

Heading to Hange's office you knock at the door, "Name and business?"

"(Y/N) (L/N)."

Moblit immediately answers the door and Hange motions for you to take a seat at her desk. Her office is overun with paperwork, files piled onto the couch and she appears overwhelmed.

"How are you feeling, (Y/N)?" She asks

"I've been feeling much better, how about you?"

"All is well thanks for asking. So I've brought you here because of your request to visit the Garrison Headquarters. Unfortunately I must inform you that Cadet Meyers is no longer apart of the regiment and has been granted an honorary discharge following the events at Wall Rose."

Your eyes widen at the news as a sense of disbelief wash over you, your mind races, trying to make sense of it all.

"She willingly left the Garrison regiment and is back home with her family. While I cannot grant you visitation into Trost at the moment, I can assure you that your friend was provided all the necessary grief resources upon discharge."

You remain quietly in your seat before finally mouthing just above a whisper.

"Alright. Is that all?"

"Yes. You're dismissed (Y/N)." She concludes.

As you walk towards the door, she reminds you.

"You're strong, (Y/N). I'll do what I can once things lighten up on my end, but she's okay. You'll see her soon. Until then, keep up the good work."

You turn around, giving her a weak smile before exiting her office. Gwen must be really going through it for her to leave.. at least her discharge was honorary, most likely thanks to Noah. However, no matter what you do, you can't get her off of your mind. Hange clearly isn't able to let anyone come or go from the Scouts HQ while Erwin is like this, but that doesn't satisfy you. You're pacing down the hallways and throughout HQ, avoiding direct contact with anyone you know would strike a conversation with you. It seems that anyone you do normally exchange comraderies with also shares the same frame of mind; the avoidance of attachment.
In a way, everyone here has been betrayed. Trust is at an all time low between soldiers and the desire for connection is nonexistent, your neighbor could also be your enemy. Despite the pain your body is still in, you can't confine yourself to your room, having trouble staying still.
You make your way to the Library where you once again pass Armin, this time, he doesn't look up. He's so focused on his reading it's as if he doesn't even notice you walking by. Walking to the very back end of the halls, you glance towards the loft door and it's closed. You head towards the returns desk and notice the keys hanging in the little window with no one guarding them. You snatch them up quickly and head to the loft, hoping Levi's left a hint that he's been in there.