Hesitation 18+🔞

Chapter 39: Vigilance

As you journey through the trails and enter open fields, your mind wanders to the upcoming conversation you'll have with Gwen. Erwin is certain that you'll know what to say once you find her, but she was such a different person the last time you've seen her, you don't even know her anymore.
The smart thing to do would be putting emphasis on how much you want to live and convince her that you've abandoned the idea of saving humanity, that maybe humanity isn't worth saving.

What if she isn't convinced?
You look up towards the clouds as Mara's strides lengthen beneath you, hoping to find some kind of inspiration as you drift deeper into thought. To really make this believable, you have to express dissatisfaction in the regiment, how your efforts weren't rewarded and how the corruption in the capital is personally affecting you. Bring up your visit to Stohess, how the MPs are treated compared the Scouts and how Erwin isn't fighting for equality, particularly with rations.

One thing that's always frustrated you is the secrecy within your superiors. You understand that your regiment focuses on trust in your leaders, but for now, you'll elaborate on how they haven't earned your trust, that you're kept in the dark while putting your life on the line and that isn't something you can do for much longer.
To top it off, compliment her. Tell Gwen that seeing her made you want to be like her, she is free and strong and you resonate much more with that than blindly going out to battle.
You repeat these false opinions over and over, careful to have a response to any questions she'll ask. She's going to be wary of you, but you must persuade her to trust you. She's trusted you before for many years, her trust hasn't dissolved completely.

You pass by some carriages on your way and slow Mara down to rest, looking for a nice patch of grass and some running water.
The sun beats down on you heavily and you pull up your hood as sweat drips down your face. Once you find a spot, you hop off of Mara and give her some time to graze and replenish, securing your story in your head. It feels nice to stretch your legs a bit, but as the day goes on, the roads begin getting busier. Right now, you're on a major trade route, where many citizens and soldiers traverse to get between cities. You stand as a hidden soldier with a secret mission of your own. Watching the garrison pass by feels different, they see you just as a regular citizen. But, little known to them, today you're a captain in the Scouts.
You check your watch and you're doing good on time, almost halfway there. It's time to eat some rations and drink water before heading back out again with Mara.

As thoughts of the underground pass through, you begin to wonder what life was like for Levi. You don't know much about his past, only that he was once a criminal underground, allegedly. Does he have any family still there? It's not likely that he does, you've never seen him leave base or make any visits, nor has he had any visitors that you're aware of.
Your mind replays the interaction with him in the loft. He wasn't fond of his past, the tiny bit that he revealed to you anyway. Yet, you can't help but think of those who may have known him down there, wondering if throwing out his name would do any favors. You never would though, who knows what kind of trouble he's gotten into down there, what enemies he may have had. Still, you'd really want to know what he thinks of your journey down there, what advice he may have. If only you could speak with him.. unfortunately, you're just going to have to go off of Erwin's advice for now, which is still very informative. You rotate speeds on Mara in order to not tire her out, just like you were taught back in the academy for long distance rides.
Quickly checking your watch, you notice that it's only 4:40 with about one hour left to your destination. It's important to plan your time underground efficiently, you should arrive westward in Gwen's neighborhood by 6:40, leaving you a little over three hours to get a hold of her before you must begin heading back to where Noah will be waiting for you.

You spend the remaining hour of your ride repeating your story over and over until you're confident with any question she may ask, drawing anger from Reiner and Bertholdt's betrayal and directing it towards the Scout Regiment. Whatever she does tell you, you must remember how grateful you are for Erwin. As much as you do believe in the Scout's mission, there's still some things about your story that ring true, particularly being kept in the dark. You're still a new, low ranking soldier in your regiment, despite seeing more battle than most soldiers in other regiments. Its not your job to know the details, but to simply follow orders, and that's something you accept, but just aren't always happy about. Particularly, Levi's whereabouts have your heart aching a bit more than necessary, but this is just the way it'll have to be.