Hesitation 18+🔞

Chapter 46: Disrespectful

He meets you with an unreadable expression, and you step in close to him. With your voice barely above a whisper, you tell him.

"You know, Levi.. I almost died this past week way too many fucking times if I'm being honest with you, and I like to live my life with no regrets. While under the Chapel, as it all came crumbling down I had one thought on my mind: if I'm going to die, I want to be in your arms. I wasn't able to tell if the hands I felt on me were yours, but in what I thought were my last moments, I was hoping more than anything that they were. Im not afraid of death, but there's one thing I'm not okay with, and it's dying before I get to experience you."

His brows raised slightly at your confession, and he looked off towards his right as he contemplated his next words.
You so badly want to reach out and touch him in this moment, but you're still hesitant as to not overwhelm him. You haven't completely figured the man out, but you want to more than anything.

"Look, we... have a lot of things we need to be worrying about. Let's not add to them, alright?"
Your heart sunk from his response, does this mean he's rejecting you? No, he's pushing you away.

"I'm not trying to add to your worries. If anything, I'm trying to help take them away. I'm—"

"(Y/N), you're not understanding. I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea from last night, but neither one of us can afford to grow attachments to one another."

"Why not?" You demanded, your voice filled with frustration. "Why do you keep pushing me away? I'm not going anywhere! And if I do, you'll regret not loving me while I'm still here!"
Your eyes began to gloss over, you've already been so patient with him, but he still insists at keeping you at arms length.

Feeling hurt, you take a step back, giving him the distance he so desperately wanted. But before you could fully retreat, he reached out and grabbed your hand, pulling you into him.
As you pressed against his body, all the negative emotions began to melt away, his touch brought you instant peace as you savored the safety within his embrace. It's like he wants you to walk away, yet quite literally pulls you back in once you do. You rest your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling the sweet smell of his clean hair and soft skin, lightly fragranced with the smell of ambery mint.

"I'm not really good at this kind of thing... Please, don't take it too personal. I can't focus on someone right now, and you deserve all of somebody's attention. I can't give that to you."
He spoke to you softly as his fingers lightly caressed the small of your back.

"I can't– neither of us are in the position to give one another their undivided attention. I get that, but in my spare time, I find myself thinking of you, sometimes i just... feel like times wasted if it's not spent with you." You admit.

You straighten up, looking him in his eyes as you stand between his thighs, your hands trickle down from his shoulders as you lightly brush down his strong arms. He blinks slowly at you, as if he's savoring your touch, your gaze flickers between his eyes and lips as your face slowly gravitates towards his. He remains exactly where he is, almost taunting you to plant your lips onto his. It's as if he's making you beg, proving to him that you truly want him.
Only several inches from his face, you pause, locking eyes with him as a final act of defiance, waiting for him to lose control and give into his own desires and roughly handle you.
Instead, you're surprised to feel his delicate touch on your hips, and like a magnet, your lips are drawn to his. It seems that you're the one who's lost control here. He feels so soft against you as he gently moves his mouth with yours and you fall deeper into his embrace. You softly suck his lip as he tilts his head back, looking up towards the ceiling as he released a breathy sigh.
His exposed neck so close to you is tempting, and you're unable to hold back, you plant tender kisses along his jawline, making your way towards his neck and he twitches in pleasure once you reach that sensitive area.
You slide your tongue, licking his skin slowly and he quickly releases all air from his nostrils, his grip on you tightening before you kiss your way back to his mouth. His breath tickles your lips before he presses his face into yours with a slight urgency, exposing his longing for you as a touch starved man. Your hands roam up to grip the collar of his shirt, dropping yourself further into his embrace.
Before you know it, his back slowly descends onto the desk and you're on top of him, he pops his hips lifting you, and your knees land at his sides as the kiss grows with intensity. Without missing a beat, he swiftly pushes the both of you deeper onto the desk, knocking over a cup of pens and the pile of paperwork he's had onto the floor.