Salvation [Kylo Ren Mafia AU]

One Last Time

My body aches as I climb out of bed and head into the bathroom. The lack of sleep and the way Vicrul treated my body leaves me sore inside and out. My phone tells me it's past noon and the noise coming from downstairs tells me that I am not alone and that I am definitely the only one who slept in. That thought alone soothes me, realizing how terrified I have been lately to be alone and how the men must know because I have been rarely alone since that night. Brushing my teeth and combing my hair, I finally feel presentable enough to go downstairs to find out who is here and what they are doing. The faint smell of charbroil lingers in the hallway as I exit the room and head downstairs. Despite my footsteps being light, they all stop talking to turn and meet my stare.

Kuruk, Cardo, Ushar, Ap'lek, and Vicrul all sit at my kitchen table with food in front of them. Bodhi is at the stove, cleaning up whatever he just cooked for us and I mentally thank him for it. My stomach growls as I approach the table, sitting in the empty chair next to Ap'lek. There is homemade bread for buns, fresh fries and onion rings with homemade ketchup, and stacks of cheese, lettuce, onions, and hamburger patties. I stare at the food for a moment, not noticing how the men remain quiet and watchful as I begin to grab a plate and make a burger. Everything is hot against my fingertips causing me to work quickly.

"How are you feeling?" Vicrul is leaned back in his chair and smiles at how I hungrily grab food.

I meet his stare and feel heat instantly rise to my face, staining my cheeks a faint red. I'm not embarrassed of being caught acting like a starving animal but at the fact he is waiting to see if I regret last night. His smile is tight as if holding his breath for the admission that I am not okay and I regret last night. Except, it is far from what I feel. Vic was mindful when making sure I was in the right headspace to make those decisions and I still hold true to them today. Shoving down the heat in my stomach, I nod at him as I clear my throat, "Feeling great, thanks."

The rest of the men turn to the food and follow my movements, digging into the delicious meal Bodhi had cooked us. I glance over at the stove and notice he had already left, leaving me alone with the men. I allow myself to chew a couple bites in silence before swallowing and reaching for my water. "So, any news?" I refuse to picture Ana's face as I sip, waiting for their answers.

Ap'lek wipes his mouth with a napkin and glances to me, "Nothing yet. Ren and Trudgen should be home any time now to give us an update. Ushar had a meeting with Hux this morning and our rotation doesn't start until six tonight."

I chew another bite of burger before I feel my hunger slip away entirely, my mind going straight to Ana's bloody apartment floor with her body collapsing. The tinge of pink blood on my plate from the burger forces me to gulp down more water, ridding the taste of the meat. The last bite in my throat feels stuck as I try to swallow without gagging. My hand pushes the plate away from me, the thought of eating another bite making my stomach knot in sickness.

Cardo eyes my plate and then me, "Something wrong, kid?"

They all turn their attention back to me as I shake my head, "No. I just ate too fast."

Cardo seems to not believe me as he reaches out and swipes the rest of my burger to eat it, "You sure? You'll need energy for training today."

My ears perk at that as I tilt my head, "Training?"

As soon as I ask, the elevator doors open to reveal Kylo and Trudgen looking good for just getting off the morning rotation. They walk over to us silently as the men around the kitchen table continue to eat and talk amongst themselves besides Cardo. He watches me closely, almost noting my behavior. I break Cardo's stare and watch Kylo as he carefully makes himself a plate, looking slightly tired. His mouth chews lazily as he leans against the counter, listening to the conversation between Kuruk and Vicrul. His eyes scan the room before landing on me. My breath hitches as he gives me a small smile, swallowing his last bite. I missed his sweetness so much that it is startling to receive it again. Is it all out of pity? This kindness and attentiveness that everyone has given me the last day. A pang of hurt burrows into me. Was Vicrul only trying to distract me last night? Did he even enjoy himself or was it all an act?